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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think not all boys with long hair look like girls

211 replies

FedUpParent · 14/03/2019 20:18

DS is only 3 and i've never cut his hair. I know so many people who've done the same thing, i don't think it's that unusual Confused

Every single person (and i mean every one) i've ever encountered, calls him a girl. Or asks my DD about her "sister".

I'm fully expecting people to get it wrong when he has long hair, that's just how life goes. But every single person? And he wears stereotypical "boys things" if that makes a difference.

It's like in people's minds it's far more likely for a girl to have blue clothes with tractors on etc than for a boy to have long hair (DD has wore "boys clothes" and colours and has never been mistaken for a boy)

I'm not actually bothered and i don't correct them if they're strangers, just seems like a far more frequent occurrence than i expected Grin

OP posts:
DoJo · 14/03/2019 20:22

IME there's nothing you can do to counteract the 'long hair = girl" assumption. My oldest has long blonde hair and my youngest loves pink, so I only bother correcting who really need to know now!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/03/2019 20:24

Inevitable if your sons hair is that long.
I often wonder why so many (mainly middle classes) don’t cut young boys hair?

MaryShelley1818 · 14/03/2019 20:28

My 15mth old has long blond curls...he’s often mistaken for a girl! Especially when I had a sparkly hair clip on him the other day because he won’t let me cut his fringe! Lol.
I think it’s cute but DH would love to cut it as he thinks he looks unkempt.

TodaysFishIsTroutALaCreme · 14/03/2019 20:29

The opposite applies too. My DD had her hair cut into a pixie style when she was 10. She is always getting called a boy. It doesn't bother her though.

cleanerneeded · 14/03/2019 20:31

Why don't you want to cut his hair? I'm not being goady, just wondering. I have 2 DD's and haven't given much thought to having their hair cut, I just had it cut when it needed tidying up to look neat & tidy.

FullOfJellyBeans · 14/03/2019 20:31

onlyfools maybe for the same reason they don't cut girl's hair? I cut DS's hair because it was easier I don't see why people should have to if they don't want to. 50 years ago people were saying I don't see why (mainly hippies) put trousers on their little girls.

BareBelliedSneetch · 14/03/2019 20:32

Hair definitely trumps clothes in people’s perceptions of sex.

My son has long hair. He can be wearing the most “boyish” clothes (deemed so by society, not us particularly) and behaving in a way society would call “boyish” and people still think he’s a girl Hmm

ISaySteadyOn · 14/03/2019 20:33

It's funny. You'd think people would look at the face shapes but they see long hair and think girl.

BareBelliedSneetch · 14/03/2019 20:33

Oh, and he has long hair because he wants it long. It was trimmed occasionally when he was little. But from about 3.5/4 he’s wanted it long. So we’ve let him get on with it. It’s his hair.

Parttimewasteoftime · 14/03/2019 20:35

My youngest DS has long ish hair is six he doesn't want it cut it trimmed not in his eyes what's the issue.
He also loves Frozen and wants to be a ninja 😂
Leave his hair OP but feel your pain.

NeutralJanet · 14/03/2019 20:39

You'd think people would look at the face shapes but they see long hair and think girl

Is there really that much difference between "boy" and "girl" face shape at 3 years old?

Snuffalo · 14/03/2019 20:40

Pre-pubescent children have no physical markers aside from genitals to differentiate their sex. It’s only clothes, hair, and totally learned behaviours that indicate girl or boy. Society identifies long hair with female, so if it’s important for you that strangers correctly identify the sex of your child, then cut his hair. Or you could just not worry about it because gender is complete bullshit and the sex of a child should be immaterial until they start to reach sexual maturity.

Snog · 14/03/2019 20:41

Why wouldn't you cut his hair? It can be long but still get it cut!

Snuffalo · 14/03/2019 20:41

You cannot identify the sex of a prepubescent child by “face shape” for fucks sake.

ISaySteadyOn · 14/03/2019 20:42

For a PP, DS has long hair because DH does and he wants to be like Daddy.

Singleandproud · 14/03/2019 20:43

DD has really short hair, she decided to have it cut short when she was 8 because she swims alot and hated having it dried as it took ages. Shes forever being called a boy, not helped by the fact her favourite colour is blue, she hates pink and is very rarely found in a skirt. She just accepts it and gets on with it.

thewinkingprawn · 14/03/2019 20:43

Yep same here re assumptions - he’s 3 with just below shoulder blond curly hair - we’ve never cut it. Have never cut my 2 DD’s either.

CookPassBabtridge · 14/03/2019 20:55

My nearly 5 year old had his waist length hair cut recently but before that he was always mistaken for a girl despite "boy" clothes. I adored his hair as did he but cutting it has made everything easier.

Ivegotthree · 14/03/2019 20:56

I hate boys with long hair. Always assume the parents are vain and try-hard.

BareBelliedSneetch · 14/03/2019 20:58

Ivegotthree more like lazy and going with the flow here. And the very opposite of vain Grin

Purpletigers · 14/03/2019 21:01

Long hair on a boy is like a modern day badge of middle classedness! If your son has long hair and looks like a girl people will assume he’s a girl . Shock horror. You know how to change it.

MyBreadIsEggy · 14/03/2019 21:02

My DS is 2.5 and has never had a haircut either. His hair is almost as long as my 3yo dd’s and we usually tie it up in a little top knot.
He also has very feminine features, thanks to his father’s South East Asian genes, so yeah I’ll admit, it’s easy to mistake him for a girl.
Do I let it bother me? No.
I think it’s quite weird when adults seem hell bent on knowing what genitals a child has Hmm

Hersheys · 14/03/2019 21:03

Waist length hair on a little boy...wtaf?

MyBreadIsEggy · 14/03/2019 21:03

I will take DS for a haircut when he wants one by the way.
We sat him I a barber’s chair next to DH a while back and he was utterly terrified and doesn’t even like going in there now. But when he tells me he wants to cut it, I’ll take him.

Thankssomuch · 14/03/2019 21:05

Maybe just unpack the whole concept/statement and think why none of it matters.