Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think not all boys with long hair look like girls

211 replies

FedUpParent · 14/03/2019 20:18

DS is only 3 and i've never cut his hair. I know so many people who've done the same thing, i don't think it's that unusual Confused

Every single person (and i mean every one) i've ever encountered, calls him a girl. Or asks my DD about her "sister".

I'm fully expecting people to get it wrong when he has long hair, that's just how life goes. But every single person? And he wears stereotypical "boys things" if that makes a difference.

It's like in people's minds it's far more likely for a girl to have blue clothes with tractors on etc than for a boy to have long hair (DD has wore "boys clothes" and colours and has never been mistaken for a boy)

I'm not actually bothered and i don't correct them if they're strangers, just seems like a far more frequent occurrence than i expected Grin

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 15/03/2019 18:58

blueskiesovertheforest yes but it's the child's emotional attachment to their hair that matters not their mum's.

UsedtobeFeckless · 15/03/2019 19:18

Both mine were cropped until they were six or seven then they more or less overnight decided that long hair meant you were a magnificent barbarian and metal as f*ck and declined all further barberings. Sod all to do with me being vain and try-hard as some judgemental twat upthread would have it. I'm proud of them for sticking to their guns and looking the way they want to look.

UsedtobeFeckless · 15/03/2019 19:20

I would be equally proud of them with short hair, though, just for the record ...

blueskiesovertheforest · 15/03/2019 19:21

gamerwidow yes I agree, and as soon as a child is old enough to have an opinion it's absolutely the child's opinion (within the bounds of practicality decided by their parents with regards to washing, brushing, putting it up if necessary, any cost and time implications, and adhering to unavoidable rules like school rules) which counts.

If it's a matter of holding off cutting the 18 month old's baby curls until the child says otherwise and your own mother/ father/ mil/ brother in law/ sister/ great uncle Albert takes the kitchen scissors to them without your consent, or even takes them to the hairdresser, I do think the parents have the right to be pissed off though. It is only hair but if the child has no opinion the parent gets to have an emotional attachment to it in the baby and young toddler phase, until the child forms their own opinion.

thirdfiddle · 15/03/2019 19:45

He takes a pair of scissors to it and cuts it himself.

DD did that! If she'd asked we'd have taken her for a proper cut in the first place. Still, saved the inevitable dithering about whether small child really wanted to go from very long to very short or "shall we just try a nice bob to see how she likes it".

Oliversmumsarmy · 15/03/2019 20:18

Went to school in the 60s.

Not exactly the best start at school because my mother took me to the hairdressers to have all my long hair cut very short.

She then took me back to the hairdressers every 6 weeks. I screamed and shouted and they would chase me round the hairdressers until they caught me and held me down.

My mother would moan that it had cost her money (we were really poor) and I should be grateful and other girls would love to go to the hairdressers.

I would then spend the rest of the day sobbing in bed because I would be teased about how short my hair was and that I looked like a boy.
(Only 1 photo exists of me from this era. I found it on friends reunited. Showed it to my children and they thought I was a boy.)

This scenario continued till I was 11 and my mother said I was an ungrateful bitch and she was never taking me to the hairdressers again.

I was so happy.

She said that when I was older and at the hairdressers I would look back and wonder why I made such a fuss.

I have been to the hairdressers twice in the previous 50 years and that was only because I wanted to dye my hair.

If my Ds wants long hair then I certainly won’t be holding him down to have his hair cut just because people think you should follow some rule of what a boy should do and what a girl should do.

He was very upset that he had to have short hair for the college course he is doing and had to cut his hair but he finishes it in a few weeks and will be out in the world of work and will have long hair again.

gamerwidow · 15/03/2019 20:35

blueskiesovertheforest
Yes I’d agree with you on that.

MinnieMountain · 15/03/2019 21:03

DS wants it long. It's his hair, so why not?

When he moans about having it washed, I suggest cutting it short would make it easier. He soon shuts up.

UsedtobeFeckless · 15/03/2019 23:29

I do reckon shortish hair is easier with really small kids - our pre-school was a total nit-fest, it was bad enough having to comb through a couple of inches every other day, anymore than that doesn't really bear thinking about! Grin

PregnantSea · 15/03/2019 23:32

I would assume girl, sorry OP. It can be tough to tell the difference anyway when they are so little, and the long hair thing just adds to the confusion. It doesn't matter though, if he really like his hair to be so long then who cares what other people think?

MrsFoxPlus4 · 15/03/2019 23:35

My son is 7 and has always had long hair. It’s below his ears and the deal is he keeps it clean, brushed and wears it up for school. He did mention at the weekend he might want it cut soon, I said he can think about it and we will do whatever he likes over the Easter break. I don’t think he looks like a girl 🤷🏻‍♀️

SpeedyBojangles · 15/03/2019 23:37

I have a 4.5 month old boy after two girls (age 3 and 5) with long, thick curly hair and my god it's a pain. Takes me half an hour to do their hair in the morning. I'd chop it if they'd let me. Curls come from their dad so I have no idea how to manage them! DS will be having his hair cut at the earliest possible opportunity!

AliTheMinx · 15/03/2019 23:40

Personally I'm not a fan of boys with long hair. I've always keep DS's neat and tidy - but not too short. However, that doesn't mean I would automatically assume all boys with long hair are girls...

PBobs · 15/03/2019 23:58

When I was a little girl I always had short hair. People (adults, not other children) used to say I was a boy or looked like a boy. I used to stroppily correct them. Bloody stereotypes.

NunoGoncalves · 16/03/2019 01:07

I hate boys with long hair. Always assume the parents are vain and try-hard

You know what they say about assuming!

Our DS3 has mid-long wavey hair. Not long enough to get mistaken for a girl but definitely long enough to make us look middle class. The major reason why is because my OH has almost no hair left and wants to live his dream of a thick head of curly locks vicariously through our son.

UatuTheWatcher · 16/03/2019 03:03

I have 3 boys and the eldest (17) has the most gorgeous long thick curly hair (it is now a bit longer than when the photo was taken) . He's 6ft tall and has heavy features and eyebrows.He never gets mistaken for a girl.

My youngest (11) also has long hair but it very straight and thinner. He has beautiful blue eyes, high cheek bones, long eyelashes, a pointy chin and fabulous skin. He's also short for his age and petite. He is always getting mistaken for a girl (though it doesn't bother him, he just thinks people are strange.)

My middle (13) has short back and sides and is always teasing his brothers about their hair choices.

To think not all boys with long hair look like girls
Ihuntmonsters · 16/03/2019 03:46

My ds has mostly had longer hair than my dd as she got a bob when she was about 7, then a pixie and now has it half shaved. Currently he has shoulder length hair but as he also has a beard you'd need to be very unobservant to think he was female.

Longer hair on boys seems to be much less unremarkable than shorter hair for girls which is really unusual now. It's sad how gender policed children and teens seem to have become.

Rubusfruticosus · 16/03/2019 07:08

I hate boys with long hair. Always assume the parents are vain and try-hard
How is this different to parents of girls with long hair? Long hair can be difficult to manage with young children of either sex, and yes, only kept long for because of vanity. Once a child is old enough to know what they want and manage their own hair then I don't think it says anything about the parents other than that they allow their children to express their own individuality.

Rubusfruticosus · 16/03/2019 07:12

Vanity, the same as buying a child more cute clothes than they actually need, because you like how they look in them. Not that I'm judging parents of young long haired children for being vain!

CountFosco · 16/03/2019 07:26

Longer hair on boys seems to be much less unremarkable than shorter hair for girls which is really unusual now.

This. There have always been lots of boys at the DCs primary school with longish hair (middle class school so no extreme shaved styles, but lots of surfer style). DD1 had a bob when she was younger and had the shortest hair for a girl in the year for most of primary. It wasn't until Y5 that (literally) 1 or 2 of the girls (including DD) cut their hair and it's only the sporty girls, the 'fashion girls' all have long hair.

You can see how scared some people are of women cutting their hair short on S&B, they tell people they shouldn't get their hair cut because it will look manly / age them / look dowdy / look 'sensible' / never looks as good as long hair etc etc. It's quite shocking really.

OhHolyJesus · 16/03/2019 07:28

I bowed to pressure to get DS's hair cut aged 2, I wish I hadn't. It was getting straggly and he did need his fringe cut but still every hair cut I wish it wasn't short now, he has beautiful blonde hair.

HowdidImissPancakeDay · 16/03/2019 07:30

People will make assumptions, but then some people make weird assumptions about the sex of your child whatever you do. I had a lovely elderly neighbour who insisted on calling my baby DD "he" regardless of what she was wearing and how many times I referred to her as "she". We moved house when she was nearly three and he was still insisting she was male, so I don't know how long it would have gone on. One time, when she was wearing a dress, he called her "she" by mistake and then immediately corrected himself back to "he". Didn't bother me at all - if anything I found it funny.

ataleoftwothenthreethenfour · 16/03/2019 07:33

I would definitely mistake a boy with long hair for a girl at that age, they just don't look girl/boy enough at 3. Also I'd probably be being very politically correct and assuming that you were dressing them in unisex clothes and want to be cool about that. So yes, I think boys with long hair always get mistaken for girls.
Long hair on boys tends to look messier than on girls as, sweeping generalisation, but here we go, boys don't tend to have it tied up, French plait, pig tails etc.

Teateaandmoretea · 16/03/2019 07:34

Dd(8) has short hair because she wanted it that way. She may decide to grow it again but her hairs really unruly and it needs loads of care to stop it tangling (which she hates).

No one has said anything negative (to my face anyway) 😂😂. She likes her short hair and that it makes her different to everyone else.

HowdidImissPancakeDay · 16/03/2019 07:45

One of the mothers at my local baby and toddler group was holding forth at length the other day about her two year-old DD having really long hair and her DS having had his hair cropped very short at the same age because "I'm old-fashioned and I like my girls to be girls and my boys to be boys!" . To be honest, I found that weird - not having the preference but being that invested in your child having to signal their sex to the world before they're even out of nappies.