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Original poster

To think not all boys with long hair look like girls

211 replies

FedUpParent · 14/03/2019 20:18

DS is only 3 and i've never cut his hair. I know so many people who've done the same thing, i don't think it's that unusual Confused

Every single person (and i mean every one) i've ever encountered, calls him a girl. Or asks my DD about her "sister".

I'm fully expecting people to get it wrong when he has long hair, that's just how life goes. But every single person? And he wears stereotypical "boys things" if that makes a difference.

It's like in people's minds it's far more likely for a girl to have blue clothes with tractors on etc than for a boy to have long hair (DD has wore "boys clothes" and colours and has never been mistaken for a boy)

I'm not actually bothered and i don't correct them if they're strangers, just seems like a far more frequent occurrence than i expected Grin

OP posts:
Dahlietta · 15/03/2019 12:48

I'm not sure why people are deducing that the OP is livid about these comments when she specifically says I'm not actually bothered and i don't correct them if they're strangers, just seems like a far more frequent occurrence than i expected.
I took it more as a musing on the extent to which hair trumps clothes when strangers are deducing gender.

1MillionSelfiesTakenByMyKids · 15/03/2019 12:49

Havelock both DS and DD have long(ish) hair and want to grow it. The key to keeping it clean, brushed and tidy is to threaten them with the scissors if they refuse. Pretty much every morning I hold a brush aloft, wait for the grumble and offer to get the scissors - cue an orderly line of two, willing to have me brush and the up their golden locks. Poor DD is 4 and has never had a haircut as such (Just tiny trims) but it's barely at her shoulders and is rather wispy. 7 year old DS has been agitating to grow it out for several years but always failed the wash it/brush it test before. Last year he forced his loins, allowed me to wash and brush his mop of thick blonde silky hair and now he has a mane that needs thing up for school. Most unfair for poor DD. Not sure why he's so keen to grow it. He's saying he wants to grow it for charity and donate it to the princess trust, but i suspect that's just an acceptable reason he's latched onto and he just likes long hair. He also wears a lot of pink t shirts and has wistfully been heard to ask if there's a twirly skirt it's ok for boys to wear. I suspect Scottish country dancing might be in his future! He's absolutely 100% clear he's all male and happy to be and has never been mistaken as anything else. Despite the pink and the beautiful long eyelashes.

Oh - and his hair looks shaggy and untidy whatever length it is!

And interestingly he has always been muscular with a classic male 'triangle' shape, ever since he was a baby. DD conversely has always been fattier with a squishy bum and a definite curve in at the waist. None of DS' hand me down trousers or shorts are any good because I can't get them over her hips. Anecdotal obvs but she clearly has a different, more female, shape.

1MillionSelfiesTakenByMyKids · 15/03/2019 12:50

Omg. I am so sorry for that immense paragraph. I had no idea I was holding forth at such length. Tbf I am trapped under a poorly child and being subjected to godawful children's TV so a bit desperate for adult 'conversation'

LetheBiscuit · 15/03/2019 13:01

I hate boys with long hair. Always assume the parents are vain and try-hard. But you don't assume the same about girls? Long hair is just as "vain" whoever it's on. I'd just leave it up to the kid, unless it's getting in the way a lot. Although people don't seem to care about little girls having impractical hair

mildshock · 15/03/2019 13:07

DS1 is 5 and his hair is down to his shoulders.

He's never mistaken him for a girl but we have plenty of comments about getting his hair cut.

DPs sister is an excellent barber, and really struggled with cutting DSs hair while it was short. He's got a double crown, cowlicks, widows peak, it's very fine but he has so much hair it looks really thick at a glance.
After much frustration, DPs sister recommended the best hairdresser she knows, who also said DS1s hair is the worst type of hair she'd ever cut Grin

So we gave up, grew it out, and now he has a trim every few months.

thedisorganisedmum · 15/03/2019 13:26

yes, little boys with long hair look like girls
and little girls with very short hair look like boys

It can be difficult to tell for SOME adults, but for others it's pretty clear regardless of their hair cut Grin

To think not all boys with long hair look like girls
MulticolourMophead · 15/03/2019 13:26

That's a nice photo........

MulticolourMophead · 15/03/2019 13:29

I hate boys with long hair. Always assume the parents are vain and try-hard.

And the boys/parents of boys with the short, sculpted styles aren't vain? They're no different. Hmm

CheshireChat · 15/03/2019 13:49

I'm not sure all kids get mistaken, even at his shaggiest DS was never mistaken for a girl.

DP is vaguely horrified as DS wants it styled as well and DP doesn't have a clue as he's bald.

MyBreadIsEggy · 15/03/2019 13:56

Meh, I'm amazed so many parents can be arsed dealing with long hair and the washing/detangling tantrums that inevitably occur. That applies to both boys and girls - it just seems so unnecessary so they can look "cute".

That’s shit logic.
Neither of my DCs - one boy and one girl - have ever had a haircut, so have been used to having their hair brushed, washed, blow dried (on a coolish setting before anyone sharpens their pitchfork Hmm), and sprayed with detangle spray.
Dd is 3 and happily sits for 15 mins while I do her an “Elsa Plait” - ie a French braid from the top of her head, all the way down.
DS is 2, and will sit for a couple of minutes - just long enough for me to scramble it into a top knot. Or if he’s protesting I usually say “well if you won’t let me brush it, we will have to get it cut”. He’s scared of the barbers after going in with DH and seeing/hearing the clippers, so any mention of cutting his hair and he sits down to let it be brushed!

CheshireChat · 15/03/2019 14:01

DS likes his hair brushed and styled, admittedly he sometimes grumbles about having it washed but even short hair needs that.

Oldraver · 15/03/2019 14:06

*My son (13) has shoulder length hair and a beautiful face. He is inevitably thought of as a girl until he speaks with his rather deep adolescent male voice. He has always had long hair. He loves having long hair. It suits him. I assume when he is older, he will develop a more masculine face and physique and his sex will be immediately apparent.

At the moment, he is very slim and tall and people even say, 'she's beautiful'. Water off a duck's back to him.*

This is my 13 year old as well NotTonight

A bouncer at a music venue told him to go in the female line, until he gruffly said "I'm a boy".

And I just do not get the 'middle class try hards' snideyness. DS has his hair long as that what he wants, and fortunetly these days he can do that andnot have to conform to a short back and sides cut

Thatsnotmyotter · 15/03/2019 14:25

My brother’s football team almost entirely had long hair for a number of years when he was 7-12ish. I guess it was very common/mainstream where we live!

DS only has a little bit of hair at the moment but he can have it how he likes it when he’s older. I think long hair on boys is lovely but I certainly won’t force it on him!

pumpastrotter · 15/03/2019 14:27

I hate boys with long hair. Always assume the parents are vain and try-hard.

Hmm No, I just allow my son some freedom with his haircut. He just so happens to want to wear his hair in a ponytail and look like Thor... if it were up me it would be short.

CookPassBabtridge · 15/03/2019 14:35

We are definitely not middle class 😂 Just loved his long hair. Yes it was waist length when wet but curly so sprang up. It was beautiful. Seems from this thread that gender stereotypes are still alive and well..

TFBundy · 15/03/2019 15:01

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AnOwlCalledPlop · 15/03/2019 15:10

I’m glad that I live where I do.

Where girls look like girls and boys look like boys and no one judges you for buying a pink dress for your daughter.

I know it’s not cool to say it but I have no issue with gender stereotypes and the way things are 🤷🏻‍♀️ but then neither does anyone else I know in the real world. I don’t work particularly hard to enforce them but my girls seem to just be naturally girly and that’s fine (I’m not particularly girly myself).

thirdfiddle · 15/03/2019 15:20

I have never cut my DS' hair and he is 2.5. He has beautiful light brown ringlets and he will literally not be having it cut until he's bigger than me and/or can pay for his own haircut.

Hope that was a joke and not actually "literally" - you can't make a child have long hair when they want it cut!

Oliversmumsarmy · 15/03/2019 15:28

I have never cut my DS' hair and he is 2.5. He has beautiful light brown ringlets and he will literally not be having it cut until he's bigger than me and/or can pay for his own haircut

Or there is a 3rd way

He takes a pair of scissors to it and cuts it himself

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 15/03/2019 15:30

I work at a school and there are genuinely no boys with long hair,maybe it differs from area to area? I prefer shorter hair on boys I think long looks a bit soppy tbh.

Original poster
FedUpParent · 15/03/2019 15:34

Dahlietta thank you that's absolutely where i was coming from! It's more about the fact that DS can have blue clothes with tractors on, Chase from PawPatrol wellies and be carrying round a dinosaur (went as stereotypical as i could there) as well as the fact he's a great broad lump of a lad... and still the long hair = girl Confused It's like everyone i've met can't observe any of the other factors and i found it intriguing

I really don't understand where all the middle class comments are coming from, that's shocked me the most! I live in a council estate in a rough-ish area and i'm pretty "common" by any standards so the thought of us being middle class or vain has tickled me Grin

When i think of boys with long hair i think Thor, Vikings, Jason Momoa (this is the type of hair my DS has), Gladiators, etc. It seems really masculine to me

OP posts:
twoheaped · 15/03/2019 15:34

Works the other way too.
My dd has cropped hair and is forever assumed to be a boy.
Unless there is a reason to do so, we don't bother correcting people as they appear to be more embarrassed than we are.

Original poster
FedUpParent · 15/03/2019 15:36

Just to add i'm not fussed about going against gender stereotypes, my DD is the most "i love pink and glitter and unicorns and princesses" girl going even though i'm someone who wears black every day and the whole house except her room is decorated grey Blush I just let them do what they're happy with Smile

OP posts:
NotComingBackAnytimeSoon · 15/03/2019 15:42

It works the other way too though. From the age of 2 until about 6 my DD had a pixie cut. Her choice. Everyone always assumed she was a boy, even when wearing jeans embroidered with pink and purple hearts or wearing leggings and a tunic. She decided to grow it long when someone at school told her she couldn't be a girl unless she had long hair.

He has beautiful light brown ringlets and he will literally not be having it cut until he's bigger than me and/or can pay for his own haircut.
Good luck with that! Better hide all the scissors. DD either took the scissors to her hair when she decided it was too long, or coerced her brother to cut it. She has finally caught on that she can ask me to take her to the hairdressers Grin

TFBundy · 15/03/2019 15:42

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