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Original poster

To think not all boys with long hair look like girls

211 replies

FedUpParent · 14/03/2019 20:18

DS is only 3 and i've never cut his hair. I know so many people who've done the same thing, i don't think it's that unusual Confused

Every single person (and i mean every one) i've ever encountered, calls him a girl. Or asks my DD about her "sister".

I'm fully expecting people to get it wrong when he has long hair, that's just how life goes. But every single person? And he wears stereotypical "boys things" if that makes a difference.

It's like in people's minds it's far more likely for a girl to have blue clothes with tractors on etc than for a boy to have long hair (DD has wore "boys clothes" and colours and has never been mistaken for a boy)

I'm not actually bothered and i don't correct them if they're strangers, just seems like a far more frequent occurrence than i expected Grin

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 14/03/2019 21:07

As others say, there is absolutely no objective visual difference between the facial features of boys and girls at this age.

There is no such thing as a 'girly' or 'boyish' set of features aged 3.

Therefore - the world being what it is - people make assumptions. My DD has short hair (she has eczema and as soon as her hair touches her shoulder blades she starts scratching where it itches, so we keep it very short), and she's always seen as a boy. She's often in 'boy' clothes, but even when she is in little pink dresses, she still occasionally gets mistaken for a boy.

OTOH, another child in my NCT group has gorgeous, white-blond ringlets. He's a great big robust looking lad, tall for his age, and always dressed in 'boy' clothes ... and he is sometimes taken for a girl.

It's just not very surprising. It's daft, and it shows how ridiculous people are about gender, but that's it.

NottonightJosepheen · 14/03/2019 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shuggas · 14/03/2019 21:08

It's a thing it seems, my dd is 3...she has seriously short hair, it won't grow, she can be wearing a dress or pink trousers and top and people refer to her as he... Confused

astressedoutmum101 · 14/03/2019 21:09

My eldest has long tight curls that I braid and tie up. when down or braided he never gets mistaken for a girl but when I section and put up or just put his hair up in a bun when i'm being lazy he'll be mistaken every single time no matter how boyish his clothes are. I just go with it now.

CremantDeLoireSocialist · 14/03/2019 21:09

I like to see long hair on boys (and girls) - I just think it looks nice. If he likes it and so do you then why not? You might just have to keep correcting people. Maybe a few of them will broaden their minds as a result. Why ever shouldn't a boy have long hair?

MaggieAndHopey · 14/03/2019 21:10

It works the other way too. As a 5 foot 10 woman with short hair, I am frequently called 'sir'; and once an usher at the theatre actually tried to stop me going into the ladies. Mortifying.

BlackPrism · 14/03/2019 21:13

@ISaySteadyOn you can tell a 3 yo sex from its face shape? All my cousins kids have long hair but the boys face shape is the same as the girls...

Also, if a stranger I don't have time to be analysing face shape to try and figure it out so I go with an easy indicator (long hair) because lots of girls do wear boys clothes.

Should I start calling them gender neutral pronouns ? 🙄

Felipa · 14/03/2019 21:14

I love seeing longer hair on toddlers and boys, I think it looks cute. Much nicer than the shaved head look.

reallyanotherone · 14/03/2019 21:14

It's just not very surprising. It's daft, and it shows how ridiculous people are about gender, but that's it

I am suprised about how closed minded people are about their ideas of gender.

I have a girl with short hair. She wanted it cut as a toddler and it’s been short ever since- she’s now a teenager.

When she was small people would actually argue with me, and correct my use of gender specific pronouns. They’d approach dd in a swimming costume and have a full on go at her for wearing a girls costume when she was a boy. She was 2.

I was once stopped by an elderly lady who had a go at me for letting dd out “in his sisters clothes”.

But usually conversations went oh he’s adventurous, i’d say yes, she is. They’d look at me as if I were completely mad and start with the boys are this and that.

It was the complete resistance to accept a child with short hair could be female. Fine if someone assumed then said my mistake, i assumed. But people would insist i had it wrong.

Purpleartichoke · 14/03/2019 21:15

For a 3yo, pretty much the only clue to sex is hair.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 14/03/2019 21:15

When I took DD back home as a baby/toddler she didn't have earrings in(we didn't pierce her ears ,but it's a big thing where I'm from). Unless she was in a dress or skirt everyone just assumed boy just because of her ears(even with clothes that looked like a pink unicorn rainbow fairy puked on her).And I had plenty of comments about her not having earrings after saying she's a girl.

I bet posters wouldn't be banging on about me piercing her ears just so others could identify her sex accurately.

Original poster
FedUpParent · 14/03/2019 21:16

To the PP's saying to cut it or why would i keep it short (i didn't realise that people looked down on it or thought it was vain Blush), he's autistic and a haircut is pretty traumatising for him (and the hairdresser) plus he suits it Smile

It doesn't bother me at all i just think it's odd how "long hair = girl" no matter what the rest of the signs suggest

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 14/03/2019 21:18

really, I can relate.

I recently had a very smug middle-class couple sneer at me in H&M, because I didn't want to buy DD a ribbon hairband she fancied (I cracked in the end). They assumed I was restricting my toddler son's gender expression. Grin

kenandbarbie · 14/03/2019 21:19

Children look more or less the same unless you have indicators of which sex they are. Usually girls have long hair so it's not very surprising. That's just the current fashion.

Girls usually have their hair fastened up though but if boys have long hair it's usually loose

Original poster
FedUpParent · 14/03/2019 21:19

*keep it long sorry

OP posts:
ProseccoandPizza · 14/03/2019 21:20

Ds(8) had shoulder length curls/waves hair from one to five and a half. It was regularly cut from a young age but he didn’t want short hair.

He’s currently growing it long again.

Irregardless of what he wore, what toys he was carrying he was always referred to by strangers as a she.

LtGreggs · 14/03/2019 21:20

Pre-pubescent children definitely can be identified as male / female by body shape, certainly by early to mid primary (maybe not at age 2, but yes by 5yo). Clearest illustration is to see a group picture of kids in black wetsuits with slicked down wet hair (I have several of these of my kids & classmates). It is obvious - and slightly startling - to see waist & hips on girls vs straight bodyshape on boys.

maddiemookins16mum · 14/03/2019 21:20

But they do look like girls and let’s be honest, anyone (child or adult) who hasn’t had a haircut in several years is going to look a bit unkempt. My nephew had long blonde hair until nearly 4, he ended up looking like a young Pat Sharp with an almost mullet for a while and cringes when he looks back at photos as he says he looked silly (he did actually bless him). He’s 30 now.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 14/03/2019 21:23

Ds2 used to get mistaken for a girl when he was about 8 after he started to grow his hair but now as a sweaty, greasy 14 year old with long lanky locks and the shadow of a 'tache, there is no mistaking him as a boy😃

You've only another 11 years to wait😆

NottonightJosepheen · 14/03/2019 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SarahAndQuack · 14/03/2019 21:25

Pre-pubescent children definitely can be identified as male / female by body shape, certainly by early to mid primary (maybe not at age 2, but yes by 5yo).

No, they can't. I know this from talking to forensic pathologists and others who specialise in this area.

Unless a child is going into (very) early puberty, no, you are not seeing what you think you're seeing.

Justanotherlurker · 14/03/2019 21:26

It's just not very surprising. It's daft, and it shows how ridiculous people are about gender, but that's it

The IDPOL feminist stack is undergoing a full double think scenario
since the trans debate has bubbled up through the age of Tumblr etc.

The ironic thing is that the vocal kick back into this is not old white males, social media is a paradox of being a mistake with highlighting bigotry and mental hoops

SarahAndQuack · 14/03/2019 21:26

If you assess skeletal remains of children, there are no markers prior to onset of puberty. There is just no way you would see hips on girls and not on boys. If there were a way, it would be in use.

BlackPrism · 14/03/2019 21:26

@SarahAndQuack did they actually say that's what they thought? Maybe they were just looking at you? Strange how you have the power to read middle class people's minds somehow

ShadyLady53 · 14/03/2019 21:26

I taught children for years...lots of little boys are "facially" very "pretty" with feminine features, a lot of little girls are very strong featured, with angular face shapes we'd often associate with males. If a hundred zero to eight year olds were all in the same room, bald or having the exact same hairstyle and were wearing the same gender neutral clothing then I think a lot of us would have a problem identifying what sex they were.

Children are more likely these days to wear less gendered clothing than they used to. It's not uncommon to see a long ponytailed girl in knee length shorts and a navy, grey or black hoody or a buzz cutted boy in a bright pink jumper or red skinny jeans and a black and white striped top. The other day I saw a boy of about four wearing bright coral lipstick.

People still associate hair length with gender. It's historically been a way that people quickly identify what sex someone is (although many years ago infant boys had long hair for many years and wore dresses). These days, when girls are permitted to wear trousers or shorts to school, it can take a little while to register that Jayden who wears his long hair in a ponytail is a boy or Wren with her undercut and spiked up fringe is a girl. Prepubescent girls with very short hair do most often look like boys and ditto for boys with long hair looking like girls. I've often had the automatic thought "Oh, little boy in a dress" or "little girl dressed as spiderman" when it's been pretty clear the first child has been a girl with a very masculine haircut and the second a long haired boy. It's just the way my brain works automatically and I grew up in the 90s when our Mums often had much shorter hair than our Dads. In fact, I can't remember a single long haired grown up woman from my childhood.

It's just something that parents of children or the children themselves have to deal with and not let them upset themselves over. I don't think it's likely society are collectively going to rewire their brains that quickly.