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Original poster

To think not all boys with long hair look like girls

211 replies

FedUpParent · 14/03/2019 20:18

DS is only 3 and i've never cut his hair. I know so many people who've done the same thing, i don't think it's that unusual Confused

Every single person (and i mean every one) i've ever encountered, calls him a girl. Or asks my DD about her "sister".

I'm fully expecting people to get it wrong when he has long hair, that's just how life goes. But every single person? And he wears stereotypical "boys things" if that makes a difference.

It's like in people's minds it's far more likely for a girl to have blue clothes with tractors on etc than for a boy to have long hair (DD has wore "boys clothes" and colours and has never been mistaken for a boy)

I'm not actually bothered and i don't correct them if they're strangers, just seems like a far more frequent occurrence than i expected Grin

OP posts:
MIdgebabe · 15/03/2019 10:34

why Do people even need to know if it’s a boy or girl? Surely it doesn’t matter until children approach puberty, when understanding what is happening and what they feel is important,

Although if people assume long hair equals boy, it warn you they may be making other assumptions about children that are unhealthy and enforcing of gendr sterotypes

ForgivenessIsDivine · 15/03/2019 10:36

Long blond ponytailed son is often congratulated on his goal keeping skills out of proportion to his actual ability. Many people come up to me to tell me how amazing she is to be in the boys team. I do correct them but DS is blissfully ignorant of the reason for all the hand shakes!! He is 10.

abcriskringle · 15/03/2019 10:37

My DS (1.5yo) has long hair - doesn't really bother me if people think he's a girl. My friend's DS who is the same age has short hair but is constantly mistaken for a girl and it drives her mad - we think it's his long eyelashes!

MulticolourMophead · 15/03/2019 10:39

DS has shoulder length hair, but you couldn't mistake him for anything but a boy. Not that he actually gives a shit, he's a very cynical 15 yr old.

blueskiesovertheforest · 15/03/2019 10:46

When they're entirely pre puberty children look the same facially and in terms of height and build regardless of which sex they are. That's why people judge based on markers like hair and clothes. Otherwise you just cannot tell with a 3 year old. Look at the experiment where they dressed babies "as" girls or boys. People interacted with them totally differently even if they thought they treated girls and boys the same. They offered a boy in a pink t shirt a doll and a girl in a dinosaur t shirt a car. There's also the matter of not saying "it" but "he" or "she".

It's not that 3 year old boys with long hair "look like" girls, it's that 3 year olds just look like children, you cannot actually tell whether they are boys or girls assuming they're dressed, unless "markers" like clothing, hair styles, or already strongly socialised behaviour tells you.

Obviously by 10 years old or so that's changing - by 8 for some children, not til 12 or so for others, and you can tell by facial structure and build. At 3 though, children just look like children.

Lam23 · 15/03/2019 10:51

Dd4 has short hair and chooses her own clothes often from the “boys” section and is often mistaken for a boy. Her cousin has long curls and regardless of what he wears he is mistaken for a girl. It’s most annoying when people comment like it’s an issue that needs to be fixed eg. “He looks like a girl with that hair?!” Or “I would’ve thought she would want a more girly scooter/jumper/etc”

TitchyP · 15/03/2019 11:18

I've witnessed some amazing double takes around the swimming pool when on holiday with my long haired teen son. Some people seem quite unable to take in that a tall, broad shouldered, deep voiced person in swimming shorts has a blond bun. It's quite comical to watch, luckily he seems blissfully unaware

Damntheman · 15/03/2019 11:39

Long hair on men and boys is very common in Scandinavia so I don't get much of this with my DS and his long hair. Try not to let it get to you! If he's happy then so be it. If he wants to cut it then so be it.

HavelockVetinari · 15/03/2019 11:43

Meh, I'm amazed so many parents can be arsed dealing with long hair and the washing/detangling tantrums that inevitably occur. That applies to both boys and girls - it just seems so unnecessary so they can look "cute".

troubleswillbeoutofsight · 15/03/2019 11:46

It's just a class thing. You generally don't see little boys with long hair in our areas of social housing but in the 'better' primary schools it's fairly common. I always think it looks try hard when it's young children of primary age who tend to be mostly influenced by their parents rather than peers. Totally different when in secondary school

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 15/03/2019 11:59

So strange funny that people can't cope with small boys having long hair, or girls having short hair.
It's just hair.

A friend of mine's DH won't let their DD have her hair cut short, creeps me out. Setting her up for a lifetime of men dictating her appearance and how she needs to be 'feminine'. Gross.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 15/03/2019 12:00

To think not all boys with long hair look like girls

Yeah, no they do.

Damntheman · 15/03/2019 12:00

DS5 washes his hair himself with a little supervision to make sure he gets all the shampoo out. No tantrums or trouble :)

Admittedly DD2 still kicks up a fuss but that'd be true even if her hair was short as she hates water on her head. She's starting to get over it now though ;)

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 15/03/2019 12:03

I bumped into a colleague in the park and asked him what his son's name was. It was his daughter but she had short hair so I assumed. It can work both ways.

Thesearmsofmine · 15/03/2019 12:05

My ds1 is 8 and has long hair and gets called a girl all the time. He just rolls his eyes now.

pumpastrotter · 15/03/2019 12:07

DS had gorgeous long blonde hair up until he was 4, we went away and every single person called him a girl or referred to him as 'she' even though he is blatantly a unit of a boy and wears typical boy's clothes. He only then asked to have it cut like his cousin, which we did. He's now grown it again as he wants it 'like mommy's' and refuses to entertain cutting it even though it's a bit of a mess, I'm not going to force it as I think it's one of the few things children can have control over - I remember being forced to have my hair cut short around his age and being devastated. I guess it's like people thinking bald babies are all boys even if they're in pink dresses - I was said baby until 2.

Whatisthisfuckery · 15/03/2019 12:13

I’m a very short haired female in my mid 30s, am only 5.2 and have big tits, yet I still get called sir. People barely look, they just notice hair length and the rest is lazy assumption.

One time in Sainsbury’s I was buying some cider, and the bloke at the checkout asked me for ID. I showed it to him, to prove that I was actually 34 and he was like, ‘oh sorry, I couldn’t work out how old you are because of your shaved hair.’ I said, ‘well look at my face then.’

Dahlietta · 15/03/2019 12:15

I always think it looks try hard when it's young children of primary age who tend to be mostly influenced by their parents rather than peers.

Why is it any more 'try hard' than the little boys with their buzz cuts, mostly influenced by their parents?

Bookworm4 · 15/03/2019 12:15

Personally a 4/5 yr old boy with waist length hair would be a total pain regards washing etc, do parents really wait for a toddler to decide if they want a hair cut?
Nothing to do with gender blah blah but if you have a boy and dress him like a boy why has he got a bun/ponytail in? Fair enough as they get older; my son had long hair aged 14/17, it's definitely a middle class thing with toddlers.

Funkaccino · 15/03/2019 12:16

Until puberty they all look pretty much the same, like children.

There's nothing inherently girly about long hair though.

Funkaccino · 15/03/2019 12:18

I always think it looks try hard when it's young children of primary age who tend to be mostly influenced by their parents rather than peers.

Their peers who are being influenced by their parents? Hmm

Thesearmsofmine · 15/03/2019 12:20

@Bookworm4

No more of a pain to wash than a girls hair!

Yes I let my children choose their hair styles, my ds1 has always liked his longer, ds2 has his very short, both are regularly cut/trimmed.

Ds1 dresses like a stereotypical boy but wears his hair in a bun sometimes because it is practical for some activities or if the weather is windy. Same as a girl.

Funkaccino · 15/03/2019 12:25

No more of a pain to wash than a girls hair!

Girls don't play in the mud or get dirty don't you know wish DD knew that Hmm

HoppingPavlova · 15/03/2019 12:36

I often wonder why so many (mainly middle classes) don’t cut young boys hair?

All sorts of reasons. Ours was ASD, he absolutely cracked it at a hairdresser, couldn’t stand sound of clippers, the whole thing was distressing for all concerned and no real need to put anyone through it (child/parents/hairdressers) when it’s not hurting anyone. Sure, we would restrain a young hysterical child for vaccinations but a hair cut, nope. Finally had a haircut around 5yo and prior to that was never mistaken for a girl that we know of, he definitely looked like a little boy.

Our second was a girl and so as not to be wasteful we often dressed her in the first clothing (very boyish clothes). She had short hair for quite a while and constantly we had people we didn’t know ask why we dressed such a beautiful little girl in boys clothes when we went out and about. So some little kids do seem to look like boys/girls.

I had one boy that grew their hair as a teenager. Oddly, no one mistook him for a girl. Maybe it was being over 6’ and having facial fuzz that gave it awayGrin.

Anothertempusername · 15/03/2019 12:37

This thread is batshit. Why are we talking about remains of children and people needing to know what genitals a child has. If you don't like the comments, either get your sons haircut or just ignore the people calling him a girl. It will be a bigger problem when he starts school so might be worth him understanding hair cuts are just part of life for men (and women!)