To ask you how older mothers REALLY think about younger mothers

[Flyingfish2019]

I am much younger than most of the mothers of my children’s friends and look even younger than I am. I wonder how other mums think of that.

Why do you care?

I have been both a younger mum and an older mum (my children have a big age gap). I think most people are too caught up in their own kids / lives to even think about how old other people are!

You'll probably find because of your age you're worrying too much about what other people think of you when in fact older mothers probably don't think anything of you at all. I say this as someone who was a young mum.

Nowthenforever2019 why does anybody post on mumsnet at all? Because they're interested in other people's opinions, obviously.

I'm an older mum and when I see younger mums all I think is "I bet your knees don't creek when you get out of bed for night feeds".

Honestly, most people don’t have the headspace to care. I was 33 when I had DD. My “mum friends” range from 23-42.

I don't feel anything about them, I just feel old!

The young mums are few and far between in my school. That’s all I think about them. Ie “there’s not many young mums at this school”. They are part of my social circle as much as anyone else. But I’m talking about people in their mid 20s.. If someone was younger than 18 when they had their baby I would probably feel a bit sorry for them.

I don't think about it. I have primary school aged kids, and so do the other mothers I interact with, so I think we're all at the same stage of life. I don't think, or know, about their ages.

Within my closest mum-friends we are mostly 40 ish, with one mum who isn't yet 30. She's just one of the group, until something come up that shows a complete generation gap! Simple things like having owned vinyl records, buying cassette tapes etc rather than important things! I don't think anything of her age because I don't think about her age; were too busy controlling kids and getting on with life to worry about how old people are.

I’ve been both
Was conscious about it when my eldest started school but I made friends and got over it, now my youngest 2 are in school I’m an older mum and I don’t give a second thought to how old other mums are to be honest I’m just glad mine are getting older and I don’t have babies/toddlers anymore (4 kids so over all that now)

Just get on with being a mum, your age makes little difference to anyone else

I'm an older mum & I think younger mums do an amazing job! I met DH later in life but financially and careerwise I was in a good place when I had my DC, I can't imagine trying to juggle my early career with kids or being able to take as much mat leave or even afford things for DC. Not all younger mums are in that position obvs!

I feel a bit in awe that they can raise a child (I wasn’t emotionally mature enough at that age) and envious of their line free skin.
Apart from that, we are all mums and therefore have that in common.

If I am brutally honest I do think ‘it’s not a choice I would make’ but I equally know that many people look at me, an older mother (only child born when I was 43) and think ‘that’s not a choice I would make’.

Apart from that I see people as people, some are nice and friendly, some aren’t, it’s nothing to do with age. I was very involved in our local community led Playgroup, the people I got on with were the ones who pitched in and helped, some were ‘young’ mums, some were ‘older’ mums, some were in the middle. I was very friendly with a much younger woman, I could have been her mum, but we enjoyed a great friendship & hopefully both gave each other different perspectives on life.

Too busy dealing with day to day crap to even give it a second thought! Mums come in a multitude of varieties! Always have, always will.

Im just glad I wasn't one as feel personally I would have missed out on so much. However each to their own

If I thought about it at all, I would probably be a little envious of your much fresher face and likely higher energy levels. But I'm too busy trying to control my darling hell beasts to think about it. If you mean very very young, like younger than 17 when the child was born, it might be a little different I suppose?

I suppose it depends how young. I often see very young mothers and think that if they were my dd I would have wanted them to wait and live some life first. To find out more about themselves without anyone else to look after. I do also sometimes wonder how much choice they really had- whether they were mature and confident enough to make the right decision for themselves and themselves alone. And I wonder sometimes about practicalities. About money, and friendships and relationships. Money isn’t everything-but, as someone said, I’ve been rich and i’ve been poor and rich is better. It’s hard to build and maintain friendships when you have a young family, and the older I get the more I value friendships. And I think that they can’t have been in a relationship with the father very long- and building and maintaining a relationship with a baby around is tough too.
Obviously all of that doesn’t apply to everyone, and obviously I don’t say any of that! But I do think it, I have to be honest. And I am very glad my dd’s life didn’t lead her to be a very young mother. This is honestly not a judgement or a criticism and I know young mothers who are doing a stellar job. But on balance I thing it’s so much easier to do a stellar job at 30 than at 20. Or 25 than 20.

Most of the mums at my dds school are “older” apart from one young mum. She’s lovely normally comes along if we have a night out.

I will be honest and say some mums did wonder why she had a child so young.

I'm 21 with a 1yo. So youngish mum, my mum's youngest is 5 and my partner's mum's youngest is 3. So our children are all a similar age, therefore ended up being friends with their mum friends too. My mum friends range from 21 - 45!

I don't think any of them look at me differently really and I don't look at them different! One of my mum friends is 32 with a 16 year old who rings her when we're out drinking wine saying she's not in her 20s anymore and stop acting like a child

I always envied them as I wished I had more energy .
And when kids get older, it will be great to still be youngish with freedom to do a bit more. And, if they also start families youngish, it is lovely to be a GP , able to enjoy ( and keep up with ) your growing family

Depends how young. Younger than about 21 and I might feel a bit sorry for them. Older than that and I wouldn’t think anything of it.

I don’t think about it af all. Why would I?

I feel jealous of younger mums. Mums who had their children in their 20s, anyway - I imagine them to have loads of energy, and more patience because they’re not exhausted all the time. Plus I’m probably too old to have a sibling for DS, so I definitely wish we’d started earlier. And that DH won’t be pushing 60 by the time DS goes to university.

If I noticed, my only thought was jealousy that they were so much better at coping with the tiredness and stress. Had a young mum in nct class and she just didn't struggle with the sleepless nights in the same way.

One of my best friends had her first baby at 38. I had my first baby at 21. Hopefully she doesn’t think I’m a crap person.

My ex MIL once told me that younger mums are “pretty useless at following their instincts” “lazy” “don’t understand the importance of raising children right”. She was bouncing my baby on her knee at the time so I couldn’t follow my own instincts and bounce her head off her expensive coffee table. FYI: one of her children is a rapist drug dealer and morally bankrupt and the other one has robbed a shop at least once while a teenager, is a serial adulterer and a small time drug dealer. For that reason I don’t think she’s in a position to pass judgement on anyone’s parenting

My point is there is no definitive answer to that question because some people are just arseholes and some people aren’t. Those include older mothers. Anyway the judgement works both ways I’m sure.