To ask you how older mothers REALLY think about younger mothers

[Flyingfish2019]

I am much younger than most of the mothers of my children’s friends and look even younger than I am. I wonder how other mums think of that.

Initially I would be surprised, as most people I know were well into their 30s when they had kids.

Having had my ( only) only DS at 40, I would be envious of your energy and the fact that you have the option to have lots of children; should you want to. You will also get to be a young grandparent!

Only concern, is that you wouldn’t have had time to live anD have many adventures pre children.

I was a young single mum 19/20 .My baby is 25 this year
I am glad I had my child young as I had loads of energy to do stuff, and I honestly don’t think things were nowhere near as hard as they are now for single mums. Plus I had tons and tons of family support .

Also at that time there was an awful lot more help given by way of social housing and free college courses and child care if you needed it .
Some of my friends are having kids now in there late thirties early forties and I think thank god that’s not me .
I couldn’t cope with sleepless nights I suffer from what ongoing chronic pain and I like my long haul holidays way to much to go back to doing kid friendly holidays and peppa pig .
I didn’t miss out on much when I was younger due to a hugely supportive family.
My niece is 21 this year and she has a almost 3 year old
She is studying has a part time job and a lovely HA house and still goes to Ibiza to holiday with her mates because she like me has very supportive family on both sides

I feel a bit sorry for mums who have the first baby after 40,it must be such a shock. Then again, the ones I know like this are pretty laid back and financially secure so they seem to be loving it. I don't think having kids in your teens is ideal either but I imagine you would be a young gran so that might be good.
Pros and cons to everything really.
I don't think most mums really care too much either way they're too busy with their own lives.

I don’t think anything at all. Usually most mums seem to me about my age however old they are. Probably because we are all going through the same thing.

I seldom think about it at all - but if I do it’s a bit jealous of youthful line free skin! I think people mix more based on life stages - so in my twenties I had a mix older and younger friends I mixed with who were all at the no kids/drinking/going to gigs stage, now I have another mix of mum friends - all ages though. I have less in common with the old group (I never go out and if I do i can’t drink as much and I’m ready for bed early) so it’s harder work!

I have a couple of 20 year old friends with babies, they're both amazing mums. I think they've sacrificed a lot for their children and never complain, the payback of course is they have a lot more energy to play with their kids and by the time they're 40 the kids will be off to uni or working or wherever whereas mine will still be in primary school. It's a choice that shouldn't be discouraged as heavily as it is imo!

Yeah, there was a bit of judgement. Not too much from other mum's with kids the same age, lots from my parents generation (baby boomers) but I accept that was mostly out of worry for me. They also worried when I got married young.

I had my oldest at 20, my youngest at 29. I'm nearly mid 30s now and my oldest is a teen. Dh and I have been married for 15 years and we have a good life. I was never one for hedonistic partying, we did plenty of that in our teens! What I really wanted was stability and my own family.

I don't think much really. I know a 19yo who is pregnant - she'll be the youngest mum I know. Oldest I have known to have a baby was 43. I'm 31 and have one child and am pregnant with the second - I feel "average" age. I don't think there's a perfect age to have a baby in all honesty. There are pros and cons with all of it so as long as a mother seems happy and is coping then it's not for me to judge if she's too young / old.

I don't think anything of it tbh. I'm quite old, and it would used to be completely normal to be a mother in your late teens/early 20s. I had my first baby when I was 28 and that was considered old.

I don't give it any thought.

The thing is, we are all different. I handle lack of sleep a lot better than I did when I was younger. I actually need a lot less sleep as I get older. I was sleeping nearly 12 hours a night when I was 18 years old, or catching up sleeping all day weekends when I didn't get enough sleep then!

I remember studying, partying a lot at Uni, but also sleeping a lot when I could find the time. I don't sleep nearly as much nowadays, and that's not just because of the kids.

So it's not true for everybody that you have more energy or are less tired when sleep deprived when you are younger.

Never crosses my mind. The only time I ever pondered people's ages was when dd2 started reception and I realised that most of the parents were younger than me, as opposed to DD1's class where we were all much the same. Never thought of it since.

I know a younger mum, but I genuinely didn’t notice until she kept going on about it. “Well, with me being a young mum... what with me being ‘the young one’... blah blah”. Even then I thought, “what are you, 25”? It turned out she was younger, but if she hadn’t mentioned it, (a million times), I would have guessed about my age or a few years younger.

I think I notice older mums’ ages a bit more, as they could either be young looking grans or older mums. So I have to wait to hear what their child calls them. With younger mums,it’s less ambiguous, as they are only ever likely to be mums. Unless they are in their early teens, when they could be siblings, but I’ve never met a mum that young at toddler group. I don’t really know why as I’m sure mums that age exist in my area.

If I see a young person out in the street with a baby, I just don’t care enough to wonder if they’re a mum or a sibling. It’s only if I’m having a proper conversation with them at toddler group when it would be better to know if someone’s a mum or a gran. So, if you’ve ever had a sideways glance from me and think it’s because I’m “judging you for being young”, I’m definitely not! Maybe it’s my resting bitch face or maybe I just don’t like your haircut .

I don’t. None of my business. Closest I’ve got was sympathy for the girl having a scan before me who looked about 14 sat with her very obviously not happy parents and terrified equally young boyfriend.

I would judge bad parents, lazy parents and selfish parents but young parents no

Makes me laugh a little at some posters who have implied that people who have their children in their 20s miss out on travel, career, fun, friendships etc..... none of those things have to stop just because you have a child. It is possible to have a good balance with a little bit of everything and I certainly don’t feel that I have missed out on anything by having children in my mid-20s. We have lived a very full and varied life with our children and I feel incredibly grateful.

Equally, I think absolutely nothing of people who have their children in their 30s and 40s- good on them! The majority of parents I know are all trying their best and that’s the most important thing.

Why would you think anyone would give a shit?

Karigan I saw a similarly terrified couple in school uniform at a scan and I do often wonder how they are getting on. When they were called the the scan the boy got up to go in and was shooed away by the girl’s mum.

I don't think anything at all. Same about wishing I had the line free skin and that's about it

I’m far too caught up in the general management of my children to give a fuck about how old other Mother’s are! It doesn’t even enter my mind tbh, never has done.

Makes me laugh a little at some posters who have implied that people who have their children in their 20s miss out on travel, career, fun, friendships etc..... none of those things have to stop just because you have a child.

again, you are the one judging. People are telling you that they wouldn't have done what they have if they had children then, and it's a personal choice. I don't travel the same way with or without my kids. That's just us. I wouldn't have the same career because I would have done things differently and made different choices if the kids had been around. My own choice again.

People should not be so insecure and believe someone's priorities and choices are a criticism of their own. If we go out for lunch, I chose the steak and souffle whilst you have the fish and chocolate cake, that's a choice. I can tell you after the meal my food was delicious and it wouldn't mean anything else or imply that yours wasn't just as good. It just means I liked my steak.

It doesn't matter if it works better for you to have kids in your 20s, I honestly don't care. I am happy with my own choice.

I’m a youngish mum (25 when I had my daughter) and I don’t feel like I’ve ever been judged or treated differently. The mums in my postnatal group are mostly late 30s and are all lovely, although at first I found it a bit intimidating that they all had mortgages and established careers.

I've been a young mum (19 and 21 when I had my first two) then 28 and 35 the next two. I did used to feel slightly self conscious as a young mum as I also looked younger than I was. Once or twice people thought my mum (who was only 39 when she became a GM) was the boys mum!
My youngest is 14 now and at her secondary school there is a real mix of ages, I suppose I didn't notice that when I was younger. I speak to any parent the same whatever age they are.
On another note, no one has ever mistaken me for me DGS's mum haha!

I had my first in my early twenties and I’m hoping to have my last in my late thirties. So I’m hoping to experience both sides. I like having children around so for me it’s not a waste of my youth. I am hoping to travel a bit in my later years like my grandparents did. I think there are a few advantages to travelling as an older person. I wasn’t very street wise as a young person and doing the Thailand thing as a young person never appealed.
Career wise I’ve not done anything special but I think that is due to my personality and anxiety issues.

Now that I'm in the somewhat older category, I generally don't think about the age of other parents. I didn't really think about it before, but I was probably more nervous around older mums who seemed to have everything together. That was more me being worried about judgement than them being particularly judgemental.

I think the mainly older mothers who made judgy comments about my being a young mum (19 with my first) were the types who were judgy of everyone. If it wasn't that, it would be something else. I literally had one at a toddler group who mocked me and told me off for referring to my first child as my first child because I didn't have any other kids I guess I was meant to call him my only or something, but she made a big deal about it that no one else seemed to see. People can get weird and mean about things.

I've not had issues with most other mums and find the judging is no more than the general population. I actually find guys of all ages make the most judgemental comments and were the worst for rude comments about my age. Groups of teens could also be quite bad then especially about clothes or his behaviour or spraying things because they decided due to clothes or my disabilities that we must stink. From women of all ages, it's been more rude comments about my mobility aides or being slow while with my kids. I did get some really vicious comments for that which I'd probably tell them to fuck off now, but back then I was struggling and trying to regain my confidence after being in hospital and was left speechless and shaky more than once.

I had my first at 17 and my second at 26. My eldest is 11 now and there are significant differences to the way people talk to me compared with my youngest. I felt outcast, judged, had no friends and was very lonely.
I'm short and look younger than I am and DD11 is as tall as me, I still get asked if she's mine, if she's my sister and told "I don't look old enough for a daughter that age," which really I could take as a compliment but as I'm sensitive to it, it usually gets my back up a bit. I've even been asked why I didn't put her up for adoption....
However I care a lot less now what people think than when I had her and focus more instead on my own life.