To ask you how older mothers REALLY think about younger mothers

[Flyingfish2019]

I am much younger than most of the mothers of my children’s friends and look even younger than I am. I wonder how other mums think of that.

Define your terms. What is ‘older’ — 40 plus? What is ‘younger’ — teenagers?

I was 37 ( 6 weeks of being 38) when DS was born, felt like a granny when I went to my midwife appointments, I live on a council estate where many of the pregnant women are teenagers. The only friend I had whose pregnancy coincided with mine was pregnant with her third child while I was pregnant for the first & only time. I was the oldest mum in the school playground at 42, when DS started school & 49 when he left primary, I felt a generation apart from most of the mum's at school, couldn't understand the bitching between them, the alpha mum's & didn't feel any attachment to any of the different cliques.

Just to add the time I have most felt out of place as a young mum was at university visits with ds. I am 40 but could pass for much younger and ds is quite mature looking. Being mistaken for his girlfriend was really uncomfortable!!!

I feel a bit envious. I wasn't exactly old when I had mine but I always think you'll 'only' be 40 when little Jimmy is 18..
I do wonder if any younger mums envy the stuff I did before being a mum. I lived abroad, spent my twenties whooping it up. Who knows? I don't think there is ever a right age to have children.

I don't think much about it, I might recognise that someone is younger but after that I take them as I find them. There can be good and bad points to being older or younger. Younger mums tend to have more help from grandparents and can look forward to many years with their own grandchildren. Older mums tend to have more money, housing space and be less worried about "missing out" on a career because they're more established already. Things like confidence, capability and energy levels vary with more factors than age.

I don't care.

I am glad it wasn't me, I am glad I had my kids when I did - I am glad I had the freedom to enjoy my 20s selfishly and have a ball. I am glad we were financially more comfortable when we had the kids. I had years of being sporty and I was in great shape, so didn't feel older at all.

That's just me, I don't expect anyone to feel the same or have the same priorities. Others prefer to have kids first, then enjoy their freedom later.

I honestly never think of people's age, having kids keep you young and on your toes anyway.

I have to admit I judge extremes when I read articles about really older mothers, in their mid to late 50s because I feel it's too old. I also feel very sorry if I read about a child having a child, a 14 or 15 year old.
Apart from that, honestly wouldn't care less.

Define 'young mum' - because yes I would raise an eye brow at any one under 16, even 18 and possibly under 22 simply because education matters, once you have an education, you are mature enough to provide for another human.

Its all very well to say 'oh you can pick up your education later ' in reality very few do, they're too busy keeping a roof over heads and food on the table. Th e same lack of educational attainment is what keeps women down in menial jobs.

So yes, you can have your baby at 16,18, 22 but don't for ever bleat on it's a mans world - you chose this path.

I think - jammy gits, they're still young! 😁

I'd disagree with quite a few of these posts but maybe I had bad luck. I was a young mum and got a bit of hassle from older mums. I made friends with mums in their 30s and 40s as is the typical age for the area I was living in, but I got asked "are you her nanny?" several times and a couple of mums really grilled me about my age, asked if DD was an accident and if I had a partner etc. I'd say I was judged because of it.

“but I got asked "are you her nanny?" several times and a couple of mums really grilled me about my age, asked if DD was an accident and if I had a partner etc”

Same thing happens at the other end of the age scale. Exactly the same questions - except swap granny for nanny!

I think - jammy gits they are still young
This.
But this to all young people not just mums.
I think there is something that unites mums. We have such a massive thing in common it has the power to cross many other potential divides. Age, class, background.

@BertrandRussell good point, hadn't thought about that! I suppose people can be judgemental regardless of your age.

I don’t really think about it there’s a huge age range at our school. I was 26 when my eldest started so one of the younger ones but in the middle when my youngest started when. There are parents in their 20s and parents in their 50s so huge age range at our school.

I've always believed age is just a number and it applies to mums. I don't think of younger/older mums any different. We all travel our own paths and do what works for us. Who am I to judge? If we get on, that's all that matters!

I was 19 when I had mine. Never really noticed I was a younger mum until he started school and I compared myself to the other mums at the gates. We don’t plan on having another until I’m 30ish. And yes, I went back to education and got a degree @PlainSpeaking.

I would be envious of your energy!

I had 3 in the latter part of my 20’s and am consistently the youngest in pretty much every situation I’ve found myself as a mother! I still travelled and had fun before I had my dc and have continued to travel and have fun since having them - it doesn’t have to stop! My career has undoubtedly suffered - I haven’t worked for over 10 years - but I am getting back on track now, with something new and exciting! I am still only 36 and have a brilliant life - I am very lucky. Yes, sometimes older mothers have been surprised by, and occasionally sneering about, my age - I remember one of my NCT group suddenly blurting out ‘how old are you, peas?’ when we were all having coffee and the gasps when I said I was 26! I just don’t mention my age now - I assume people at school think I’m 40 odd with a good skincare routine .

I wouldn't judge somebody young and I wouldn't judge somebody old, either way, unless it was very extreme (15 years old or 50 years old) then I would worry about the impact on Mum and child tbh.

I looked 16 when I had DC1 and look about 40 now pregnant with DC3, all within my twenties I think I was the right age but not in the right life circumstances and that could happen at any age: poor health, abusive relationship, poverty, homelessness. These are things which, like motherhood, do not concern themselves with your age, they can happen at any time.

I don’t sit in judgement of random stray . A mum I know had a baby 16. She is a fantastic mum I don’t judge her about her parenting except in a positive way . I do know she wanted a career she can’t follow now due to childcare so I feel she missed out by having a Dd so young.

Anyone I see on the street with a little one I give no thought at all

I wasn’t a particularly young or older mum (had my babies at 27 and 30), so I never really thought about it.

There is one much older mum of a child in my DD’s class - mid 50s with a 10 yr old - and I do sometimes wonder how on Earth she has the energy. But I’ve never thought much beyond that about age.

I was 28 when I had my first which I now think is quite young. I often tell mine they should wait until their 30s.

I feel a bit sorry for my nephew and his wife who had a baby at 22. Your 20s should be carefree imo. Yes, your kids will be grown when you’re around 40, but you’ll never be as young and carefree as someone in their 20s.

I doesn't bother me, don't even give it a thought. I have been bother a younger and older mother.

I guess I see the person really. A mum mentioned the age difference she experiences and I was a bit taken aback as I just hadn't noticed. But then another friend mentioned a mum being very beautiful, and again I hadn't noticed. I did wonder if the younger mum saw my older age more than anything else 🤔 But then I got over it. She's 36 now and I'm 47. So it's no big deal to me, except she was 22 and I was 33 when we had our first. When we first met I tried to start up a conversation and she told me she was a pole dancer. I think she was trying to get rid of me. Except I didn't take the hint. 😁 We are still friendly and her dc comes over and she does too... I just wasn't bothered by how she presented. I was struck that she saw me as sooooo much older (when inside my head I'm 15yrs younger)...

So long as they are friendly and their children are happy and treat their fellow classmates the same as they wish to be treated I really don’t care. I have friends of all ages, and we are all in different situations. A young mum would just be another person, same as an older mum, a single mum, a mum of 1 child, a mum of many children........
I would be more judgmental of a mum who’s child had no issues but was a bully

Literally have never given it a thought.