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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday day out and gift for guest

221 replies

Meandacat · 08/03/2019 11:55

I honestly don't know who's BU here...me or other mum.
DD's birthday soon, and she said she didn't want party this year, but she did want to go to Build A Bear as she has never built her own bear before. DD is an only child, so I suggested she might like to take a friend. DD agreed, chose friend (saga in intself), I got in touch with friend's mum to say I'd take the girls to B-A-B, then nice lunch and cinema trip. In conversation later with mum, I realised she thought i was going to buy her DD a bear at B-A-B too. This was not my intention, although I was intending to buy her DD something else... e.g. from their bear accessories...as part of her "party bag" (and even then I'd thought to myself this was more than a kid would normally get in a party bag (at least in these parts) but never mind...it was only one, after all).

But now i feel completely embarrassed and like I've given a false impression and am coming across as tight-fisted. In my head, I'm thinking "why would I buy your child the same/similar thing that my daughter is getting as her birthday present". But I can also now see that she might think "why would you take a child to B-A-B and not buy them a bear." I've since checked and realised the cheapest bears are only a couple of quid dearer than a bear outfit. What do I do? Leave it at the outfit or go back and offer to buy a bear after all? And if so, how do I politely say that it would have to be one of the "cheap" bears? Confused Blush

OP posts:
Confusedbeetle · 08/03/2019 11:59

You have dug yourself a hole here offering to take a friend and not pay for her. This would annoy me. Either take them on another outing that you can afford or pay up, You can always take your daughter on her own another time. Dont expect guests to pay

Maryann1975 · 08/03/2019 12:01

Someone did this to my daughter. Invited them for the day out to b a b and for lunch with no intention of buying her a bear. I thought they were really tight tbh. Why do you think the other child wants to watch your child make a bear? I ended up having to fork out so my dd wasn’t a spare part in the shop and I vowed not to send her if they pull a similar stunt next year. Bit of a crap day out for the other child watching your child have the fun don’t you think? If you invite a child out for the day you treat them the same as you treat your own. Obviously once they get to pre-teens/teen age this changes a bit, but for children young enough to be going to build a bear - YABU.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 08/03/2019 12:02

You should definitely be buying the guest a bear as well.

ny20005 · 08/03/2019 12:03

Why would you offer to take one child to bab & not buy them a bear ?

RiverTam · 08/03/2019 12:03

I'm confused - was the friend going to come along and just watch your DD build herself a bear? But not do that herself?

Michaelbaubles · 08/03/2019 12:04

It’s instead of a party so I think it’s on keeping that you buy the other DC a bear - after all, even cinema and lunch for two DC doesn’t add up to a full party cost.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 08/03/2019 12:05

I'd expect a bear to be part of the party, and for my child to keep it. Why woudl the other child want to to go to BAB to watch your child make a bear ? Thats just daft thinking, sorry

O/T I want a BAB party too >whimsical

Hotpinkangel19 · 08/03/2019 12:05

I can't imagine any child would like to go with another child to watch them build a bear - did you honestly think this was okay?

cloudymelonade · 08/03/2019 12:06

YABU. If it's a birthday present for your DD, you should have just taken her alone and got her the bear. You've made it an event by having her invite the other child so it's only fair that you pay for the experience for the other child.

JacquesHammer · 08/03/2019 12:06

I think you should have made it clear what your intentions were but absolutely, I think you should have bought the guest a bear.

I can't work out if the party has already been but if not and money is an issue why not do B-a-B and lunch and then watch a movie at home with the new bears?

fargo123 · 08/03/2019 12:07

If someone invited my child to BAB as part of a birthday outing for their child, I would assume/expect they were paying for a bear, yes. The same as if they had invited them to a skating/bowling/theme park birthday party I would expect the birthday child's parents to pay the entry fee/party package fee.

SavoyCabbage · 08/03/2019 12:07

You can't invite a child to Build a Bear to watch your child build a bear! That's madness.

Absolutely I'd think you would be paying for my child to get a bear if you asked her to go. I can't believe that you would think otherwise. You want the other child there to make the day more special for your dd. She's not an accessory or a prop.

RiverTam · 08/03/2019 12:08

I also think you didn't need to do lunch and cinema as well.

Both girls build a bear and then go for a pizza.

WatchingTheWheels85 · 08/03/2019 12:09

Yabvu

wheelygo · 08/03/2019 12:09

I think you’re coming across as tight fisted because it’s quite a tight fisted thing to do. It’s like inviting someone out for a meal to celebrate your birthday and only offering to buy them a side of garlic bread while you have a four course meal with wine.

Notonthestairs · 08/03/2019 12:09

So you were presumably expecting guest child to bring a birthday gift for your child AND pay to build a bear? Confused

BlueMerchant · 08/03/2019 12:10

I would have also expected you were buying my DD a bear too. You cant expect her to stand there and choose a new coat or something for her non- existent bear while your daughter is parading around with her new bear!
I think you should have took your daughter alone if you can't get her friend a one too. Take them for lunch and cinema as a separate event.

SpitefulShrew · 08/03/2019 12:10

So the guest is just audience? Wow so much fun. Not.

Nquartz · 08/03/2019 12:11

I'm with everyone else, i would expect the bear to be the cost of the party.

Merryoldgoat · 08/03/2019 12:12

I’m sorry but the idea you’d take a child to BAB and ask them to watch your child get a bear and not get them one is beyond me.

If I was the other parent I’d be making excuses for my daughter to be honest.

Really thoughtless.

EatToTheBeet · 08/03/2019 12:12

Would you ask a child to go ice skating for your DD's birthday to watch your dd skate? You've asked another child to make it more fun or your dd.

TimeEnough · 08/03/2019 12:13

It's not often a thread makes me laugh out loud, but this one did!
YABU. Massively.

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon · 08/03/2019 12:13

Come to the soft play other dc - but you have to stand at the side and watch....

Anoisagusaris · 08/03/2019 12:13

Wow, how could you take another child along to watch your child build their bear etc? I can't believe you would even consider doing that. Either bring your daughter on her own to BAB and do the day out with friend separately, or buy them both the same.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 08/03/2019 12:13

You can’t invite a child to watch another child build a bear! You really can’t!

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