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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

boys harassing girls for nude pics - I told school, the parents are next

218 replies

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 08/03/2019 11:40

There are kids in my daughters class I have known sine they were all toddlers at playgroup together. They are all now 16.

A couple of these boys have become horrible creeps - they are continually messaging the girls to try and get nude images. They are saying "you're so hot, I'd fucking ruin your ass" - endless vile messages every few minutes all through the night.

My daughter's friend refused, so four boys started messaging her how they were going to rape her as punishment. It was very graphic and sinister.

I told school. If the messages were being directed at my daughter I'd go to the police, they are so vile.

School have not managed to change the behaviour. Naturally, everyone denied it, the girls don't want their parents to know they have sent nudes and the boys have the images stored in the "secret" bit of snapchat ( that I only found out existed yesterday)

To be fair to school, they have been consistently telling the kids about the importance of Not Being A Dick on social media - but the kids just don't listen.

I know a couple of the sets of parents pretty well. AIBU to think that if school can't handle it, the parents might? If it was me I'd want to know that my son was goign through a Creepy Fucker phase and would appreciate the chance to get him to see girls as anything other than a place for his penis before he landed up on a register.

OP posts:
RB68 · 08/03/2019 11:43

I am afraid I would go to the police - they are not in a phase - they ARE Creepy Fuckers and deserve everything they get

Waveysnail · 08/03/2019 11:45

Do daughters friends parents know that they threatened to rape her

Stormwhale · 08/03/2019 11:45

This needs to be handed over to the police.

Confusedbeetle · 08/03/2019 11:45

If I knew the parents I would talk to them. However I would expect them to take it very badly and fall out with you. I would be tempted to say if it didnt stop I would report it to the police

FaithFrank · 08/03/2019 11:45

Threats of rape are a crime. I would also be going to the police.

Cocobean30 · 08/03/2019 11:46

Wow go to the police...the threats of rape are awful and the boys need to be severely punished.

Confusedbeetle · 08/03/2019 11:46

I would definitelt try to persuade the girls to tell their parents or you will. They should change their phone numbers and realise what a mess they have been dragged into

Brefugee · 08/03/2019 11:46

Go directly to the police. Every time. If we don't fight this behaviour it will never stop.

lmusic87 · 08/03/2019 11:47

Go to the police.

Horrendous.

Bussells · 08/03/2019 11:47

Go to the police. This is vile and they sound dangerous

Spiderbanana · 08/03/2019 11:47

Definitely police on this one.

The boys need to understand that this is totally out of order and the girls need to understand that it is taken seriously and not accepted.

SinkGirl · 08/03/2019 11:49

Definitely police. Utterly disgusting. You bet your ass I would want to know if it were my sons!

Original poster
vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 08/03/2019 11:49

No, the girls parents don't know anything about the rape stuff. School do, and they were very helpful for her - she does not have parents who are able to be supportive, sadly.

There is a community officer at the school. I am mulling over asking him to get the three particular boys phones for a look.

It is literally criminal what they are doing - but, the really worrying thing is that the boys don't see that.

I've got a son who's 12. It's scary to think he might land up behaving like this too.

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Hoppinggreen · 08/03/2019 11:50

The problem is if it’s snapchat there won’t be any evidence
One boy at DD’s School asked her for nudes ( they are 13/14) and she just told him to F off but some girls may have done
Without the evidence I doubt the parents will believe you

NCforthis2019 · 08/03/2019 11:50

there has been a threat of rape, and you are here on mumsnet asking what exactly? You say if this was your daughter you would go to the police, so because this isnt, youre prepared to let it be dealt with by the useless school? You say youve known these kids since toddlers, surely you must care about them more than just a mumsnet post and telling of the school.

Redcrayons · 08/03/2019 11:50

I have two sons and I would want to know if either of them had done this. Absolutely no way on earth would I let this slide.

notacooldad · 08/03/2019 11:51

I wouldn't be messing around with the parents. I'd be straight to the police. I know that appears easy from where I'm sat but I'm not being full of keyboard bullshit. I seriously would. These lads know what they are doing, they would have had internet safety sessions at school. All it takes is one of them to be full if bravado or egged on by their mates to do something.
Get it reported.

Original poster
vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 08/03/2019 11:51

Yes, that's the trouble.

One of them had "favourites" stored in his phone, images of his penis and girls from 14 to 16. There's a secret bit of snapchat you can store stuff behind a code to access it. I'm assuming the police could insist that could be unlocked.

Snapchat is dangerous, but, they are all on it.

OP posts:
Original poster
vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 08/03/2019 11:55

NC - it's not my kid and there's no evidence. so, it's not, in law, anything more than rumour.

I've seen the images and conversations unscrolling because my daughter showed me at the time.

I'm happy to go to the police, but, there's bound to be more than just these few kids involved. I guess I want school to talk tot he groups of girls individually and find out the scale of the problem. Some of those girls must be traumatised. I'm a fierce middle aged woman, and I found reading them upsetting.

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PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 08/03/2019 11:55

It is literally criminal what they are doing - not literally, actually, its actually a criminal offence.

As an aside, have you actually seen the messages ? You can report if of course, under safeguarding. You will not find out what has happened, if anything.

School have not managed to change the behaviour. Naturally, everyone denied it, the girls don't want their parents to know they have sent nudes and the boys have the images stored in the "secret" bit of snapchat ( that I only found out existed yesterday)

You need to take a step back and work through scenarios here. The girls need to know what they have done (nudes) is also illegal. In any school I've worked in, Im afraid the school would have brought parents in to discuss this and also the police.

Go to your local council, childrens safeguarding file a report there and let them deal with it

notacooldad · 08/03/2019 11:56

In certain circumstances the police can retrieve Snspchat.
I crossed post with you while you updated.
This is serious stuff.
This will damage your DD friend mental health and resilience. It could escalate. Others may join in with the on line abuse.
Personally I think it is horrific.
School are not doing enough IMO.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 08/03/2019 12:00

Hang on a tic .... you say your children are not involved - so how do you know exactly what the school are doing behind the scenes. They certainly wouldnt be telling you, or disclosing safety plans to the children involved either.

Original poster
vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 08/03/2019 12:05

No, I said that I know that school talk about digital safety all the time.

I know they stepped up to help the kid who was threatened with details of exactly how they would rape her. I don't know what form that help too, it's none of my concern, but, I could see the girl was getting support.

I think it is impossible for schools to address once this behaviour starts. it's insidious, infectious and makes boys idiots who think with their penises. aNd girls think that if they don't give images then he won't like her.

It's a huge societal problem waiting to explode. It will take school, families, police and the culture of the kids themselves to change it.

meanwhile, there's boys whom I know to be perfectly nice in every other aspect of their lives - who are engaging in criminal behaviour. Grim.

OP posts:
DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 08/03/2019 12:06

Oh god this makes me feel sick. I think the police need to be involved as well.

Original poster
vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 08/03/2019 12:08

I think I'll have a chat with my daughter over the weekend. Get proper details. As far as I know she hasn't sent nudes - but, then the other parents will all think that too...

I've found the details of the community officer who teaches CEOPS stuff. He'll do.

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