boys harassing girls for nude pics - I told school, the parents are next

[vivariumvivariumsvivaria]

There are kids in my daughters class I have known sine they were all toddlers at playgroup together. They are all now 16.

A couple of these boys have become horrible creeps - they are continually messaging the girls to try and get nude images. They are saying "you're so hot, I'd fucking ruin your ass" - endless vile messages every few minutes all through the night.

My daughter's friend refused, so four boys started messaging her how they were going to rape her as punishment. It was very graphic and sinister.

I told school. If the messages were being directed at my daughter I'd go to the police, they are so vile.

School have not managed to change the behaviour. Naturally, everyone denied it, the girls don't want their parents to know they have sent nudes and the boys have the images stored in the "secret" bit of snapchat ( that I only found out existed yesterday)

To be fair to school, they have been consistently telling the kids about the importance of Not Being A Dick on social media - but the kids just don't listen.

I know a couple of the sets of parents pretty well. AIBU to think that if school can't handle it, the parents might? If it was me I'd want to know that my son was goign through a Creepy Fucker phase and would appreciate the chance to get him to see girls as anything other than a place for his penis before he landed up on a register.

I would go through a community police officer this needs to be treated seriously. I imagine they will scare and shame them, the shame at this age is more powerful than anything as they crave peer approval. They are in a small bubble of behaviour which they think is acceptable

I think the police are dealing with this on a regular basis and will have a strategy

vivariumvivariumsvivaria I have a dd in Y11. I know exactly where you are coming from. Since around Y10 dd has told me about some of the Snapchat and Instagram stuff that goes on and it’s awful but they all see it as ‘normal.’ Dd doesn’t post nudes or have any interest in that for complex reasons of her own but her friend does. This year I had to intervene and tell the friend’s mother, with dd’s permission, after dd received some particularly troubling messages and pictures from the friend via a private Snapchat group. We agreed that dd would say the images popped up in her phone and I saw them rather than she snitched because she was worried. A whole shitstorm blew up over it - the police got involved, two boys were excluded from school, a 23-year-old man was arrested and school completely cracked down on social media and the use of phones in school.

The friend’s mum was horrified, devastated, but grateful to me for telling her. Dd and the girl are still close friends. The girl still thinks it was a mountain out of a molehill and still posts nudes but her mum keeps much closer tabs on where she is.

As parents of teenagers we have to be aware that our kids are almost brainwashed into believing this is a normality. Even though my dd doesn’t engage in it, she sees it as what everyone does. It’s bizarre that despite #MeToo, for teens things are worse and more sexualised than ever.

That's interesting, Little Dog - she still posts nudes?

And, I agree, the #metoo has not impacted on this age group at all. They don't seem to have any real concept of consent and boundaries - which is strange as it IS taught in school/Guides/homes. It's like their generational culture thinks there is no need for privacy or dignity.

For the people who are encouraging me to go to the police - as I said, more than once, school have until Monday to get the CPO involved.

I think girls are heavily complicit in this too and whereas in the old days some would put on some slap and hover round boys they were attracted to they now post nudes or semi nudes online. What has shocked me is the way many think this is ok. According to my dc several girls they know post them unrequested and in order to attract boys. They seem to be ignoring the warnings;ignoring that they are breaking the law and ignoring that they’re putting such pictures out into the arena for ever. I know schools are educating kids on this but some seem to ignore it.

I’ve seen pics very close to the mark on my dc’s friends Insta I’d be livid with if they were of my dc. Pouting, posing,heavily made up in skimpy clothes at 12/13. Why are parents buying such young girls make up and skimpy clothes?

I think more needs to be done on building up self respect and healthy relationships. The ‘you’re breaking the law lecture’ isn’t working.

vivariumvivariumsvivaria she seems v motivated by boys and sex and can’t seem to understand that this kind of attention is bad attention. She has a lovely caring family at their wit’s end - doing counselling, parenting courses, talking to school etc. The girl is convinced this is all normal and her family are over-reacting.

Btw with police; if they have a phone number they can literally pull up everything that’s happened on a phone. That happened with one of the boys involved. It was WAY worse than anyone had expected. I would imagine a lot of teenagers phones are similar unfortunately.

I suspect she knows the police will find evidence of wrong doing on her part too. I’m sure she must know the laws re posting stuff online. It all starts when young pouting and posing to impress on Insta , watching stuff they shouldn’t. By the time they get to 16 pouting and posing on Insta is old hat and kids embarking in sexual relationships go even further with how they use their phones.

N0rdicStar it’s not just insta and Snapchat. There are also chat sites and ‘find a friend’ groups which are basically ‘share a nude’ sites. Boys post pictures of their penis as much as girls post nudes. And they all know about this stuff! It’s their world. I don’t think the police can arrest them all. What makes the OP’s story different is that rape was mentioned.

I'd say the same about the girls sending nude photos of themselves tbh

They are grim? Including all the girls who are groomed, pressured, tricked, and harassed into doing it?

Those are your words, not mine.

Not all girls are forced...some do it willingly and off their own backs and yes, imo that’s pretty grim. Why...do you think it’s fine?

I see some people are still having a problem distinguishing between abusive stuff eg coercion and sending pics to people who don't want them - and stuff which is voluntary and about exploring sex and identities and relationships. Teenagers are interested in sex and that isn't inherently bad.

What is bad is the lack of understanding of how these photos end up all round the school in seconds and they have their reputations ruined - because guess what? Those double standards still exist.
They get called names
Their parents are shown the photos and yes videos, the police do and can get involved (and so they should)

These boys are bullies and treat woman like a price of meat.

I’m wouldn’t put up with it.

Police, police, police. A rape threat needs to be dealt with immediately. These boys could be psyching themselves up as a pack to actually do something. The school is not coping and the girls are too young to deal with it themselves or make decisions regarding this.

Your DD needs to take control of her phone. Delete snapchat - she can communicate with her pals elsewhere. As for rape threats, yup, straight to the police but I'm assuming all of this info is second-hand from your DD as it's not her that got it. So yes, tell her parents and let them go to the police.

Did the school say anything new OP?

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria my daughter is now 18 and at uni but if I had been in your shoes 4 years ago, I would proceed as you are doing. Good luck!

This thread is so worrying but I just can't find the time to read it all currently, so place-marking here.

Good luck OP!

Think about the trauma the girls have gone through, they need support. Sadly this is probably not the last time they will be in this situation and need to know that they can reach out & not feel ashamed. They need to know they will not be judged & that our community will not allow this

Also think about the boys who are engaging this activity, they need to be pulled up & understand how wrong this is. This is not acceptable. It is better to have them face this now. It is not a joke.

Express your concerns to all.

If adults don't don the right thing how can young people learn to do the right thing.