boys harassing girls for nude pics - I told school, the parents are next

[vivariumvivariumsvivaria]

There are kids in my daughters class I have known sine they were all toddlers at playgroup together. They are all now 16.

A couple of these boys have become horrible creeps - they are continually messaging the girls to try and get nude images. They are saying "you're so hot, I'd fucking ruin your ass" - endless vile messages every few minutes all through the night.

My daughter's friend refused, so four boys started messaging her how they were going to rape her as punishment. It was very graphic and sinister.

I told school. If the messages were being directed at my daughter I'd go to the police, they are so vile.

School have not managed to change the behaviour. Naturally, everyone denied it, the girls don't want their parents to know they have sent nudes and the boys have the images stored in the "secret" bit of snapchat ( that I only found out existed yesterday)

To be fair to school, they have been consistently telling the kids about the importance of Not Being A Dick on social media - but the kids just don't listen.

I know a couple of the sets of parents pretty well. AIBU to think that if school can't handle it, the parents might? If it was me I'd want to know that my son was goign through a Creepy Fucker phase and would appreciate the chance to get him to see girls as anything other than a place for his penis before he landed up on a register.

I'll tell you what dd's erstwhile school did about it, bearing in mind that they'd had a 'serious talk' with the boy (apparently only one was doing it, of course) and so had the police. He was very sorry and promised never to do it again. Guess what! They made him Head Boy as he'd learnt his lesson and was now responsible and sensible and good (also bright so was going to do well in his A Leves, irrelevant naturally).

Guess what else.

He never stopped importuning and harrassing the girls and bullying them into sending him nude pics. Throughout the whole serious talk, police intervention (such as it was), he continued doing it. And carried on throughout 6th Form.

Oh yes, he'd certainly learned a lesson there

A secret part of snapchat ???
Can anyone please explain to me how we (as parents) can find that.

But you have no proof? I doubt the police will do anything tbh.

Not necessarily. DS13 was in Y6 at school when he came home and said a boy in his class had threatened to rape a girl he'd recently been dumped by. DS was 11 at the time, the same age as the boy and several other students who'd overheard the conversation. DS was horrified but hadn't known how to handle it other than to come home and tell us; we contacted our local Police and were visited by a couple of officers who took down some details from DS then went to the school with what they'd heard. School dealt with it swiftly and it turned out that the boy in question had made similar comments over an extended period of time, including messages to the girl she'd not yet shown to her family for fear of what the boy could do to her. The police who spoke with DS were incredible and as awful as it was for him to hear the words "I'm going to rape her" at 11, which is far, far too young to understand that kind of thing, I'm so glad we made it a police issue and let them handle it because the thought of any young girl hearing those words is even more sickening.

Phone the local police and give them the information. This is so much more than a "phase" or a bad patch; young men who make these kind of comments and behave in this way need to be forced to stop because they're not going to suddenly become decent, wonderful men once they hit 18. The behaviour will only stop once they're exposed and given severe consequences for it.

You wouldn't know if the police had been involved.
I understand the urge to do something but I'm concerned about you taking this out of the other girl's hands. If you're in Scotland then she's already deemed an adult. Surely she has the right to decide how to proceed?

Christ Jux that's appalling. I'm sorry that happened to DD.

OP agree with every poster saying go to the police with this NOW. Hopefully when your DD is telling you she has not been targeted thus is the truth. What if no one does anything and she is the next one to get these vile massages? She is probably watching you to see what your going to do and your next steps could help her massively to feel safer.

This is so much more than a "phase" or a bad patch; young men who make these kind of comments and behave in this way need to be forced to stop because they're not going to suddenly become decent, wonderful men once they hit 18.

This.

I'm afraid if this problem is so widespread then what is needed is for a few teenage boys to go on the sex offenders' register and have their futures ruined as a cautionary tale for all the rest. Might seem a bit harsh on those individual boys if it really is so widespread, but it needs to stop, otherwise all teenage girls are going to be in serious danger.

Police, NOW. Fuck these poor girls fear of being found out, this is their first experience of probably many in their lives of being manipulated and bullied by a despicable type of ‘human’. They need help NOW. this will shape their entire lives. Even if the boys get away with it these girls need to know it is not ok, and to have this off of their shoulders, conscience and to learn a VERY valuable lesson from it.

I beg you, take this further, please.

The only way to deal with this is through the police. It's criminal.

The school should have informed the police immediately.

Definitely agree to take this to the police. The boys are already breaking the law by having the nudes and risk being on the sex offenders register.

You've got an opportunity to nip this in the bud by going to the police but you're just stood on the sidelines wringing your hands. Call the police now. Dial 111 and report the crime.

Why are you not going to the police? You know this is happening SO GO TO THE POLICE. You are an adult and your daughter's friend is a CHILD and being harassed. If you don't go to the police you're only helping it happen again and then what? Maybe the boys will go through with their threats

Has the op been to the police yet?

This threads make my blood boil and often you never find out if they’ve followed the advice.

maybe the OP is actually sorting something out right now, rather than keeping MNers up to date with her every move?

It’s not “creepy behaviour “
It’s fucking disgusting!
Police need to be involved if you can get any evidence

I would ring the police right now. Anyone, even a minor, possessing an naked image of a minor on their phone has broken the law and could be put on the sex offenders register. The threat of rape is extremely serious aswell

Tell the parents AND the police. Teenage boys can be full of shit and MAYBE they don't mean it, however the message needs to be sent that RAPE IS NOT A JOKE

OP please tell someone else who will do the sensible thing and go to the police. Fine she’s not your daughter and I get it - not your problem and you don’t really want to be involved but someone needs to look out for this girl.

It's not just this girl who needs looking out for, it's your dd too. Your dd is growing up in that culture of turning a blind eye to bullying, threats and rape jokes, and what she sees is that no one does anything much about it, not even her own mum.

If you don't take some sort of determined action what your dd learns is that boys and men can do that and it's OK.

APlaceInTheWinter

Are you for real? She still a child at school and need protecting from those bullying her. Yes take it out of her hands because clearly she doesn’t know what her rights are in regards to protection.

She’ll probably be relieved she’s not alone and the boys dealt with

Several girls at DDs school have been raped at 14 - and yes I did tell the school and all the girls gave evidence - they had no idea what to do! 2 of them have a serious inflection. One didn’t know she couldn’t quest a free pregnancy test

What’s the point of woman’s rights if w don’t exercise them, and look out for each other?

100% go to the police. I’m a HoY and that’s what I advise parents to do. Schools have limited power over social media interaction, I’m afraid.

Genuine question, if you have seen the pics and not reported them, could you end up being in teouble for what sounds like distributin and viewing of child pornography? I think you need to let the police know.

Wow. Right, vipers, calm your jets. It was a matter of hours ago! Give me a bloody chance.

The girl did not send any images, that is why the boy was harassing her.

The school is already aware of this boy's behaviour because of the previous rape threats. I don't know what action school took because it's not my business, but, I have to assume it was appropriate.

It's snapchat, so images and texts are public and then vanish. I don't know where the secret bit of snap chat is.

School need to know because he is committing a crime and they have an excellent community policeman who is often on site and knows this particular boy. yes, he did the CEOPS training to parents about "be aware about online stuff", he's a nice bloke and I'm sure he is good at his job.

I want school to know because this isn't, as PP said, just one kid. Most boys behave like this. Most girls send images. If you've got a teenager and you don't realise this then that is a worry. They believe it is "normal" behaviour - unless they have someone explain to them why it is not, which is a parenting role.

School are dealing with the situation and have said they will involve the community officer with the year group.

I'm not putting anyone at risk by not updating mumsnet and that's a bit rude - he's messaging inappropriately. I have told my daughter's friends to screenshot, block and report. I have told my sons that this is not acceptable behaviour and they should call out peers who do it.

I know a lot of information about what's going on because I talk to my kids and their friends who are always often here as we are next to school and have a well stocked biscuit cupboard.

Sorry if you're annoyed that you've been waiting for info, but, it's a social media site, not a box set.

Thanks for the advice from people who read the post and have insight. I really do appreciate the suggestions and will follow up with the community officer on Monday to make sure that school have been in touch. If they have not then there is a safe guarding issue.

I agree, nothing good will come of me speaking to the parents directly. This needs proper channels and proper support.

God boys these days are grim.
I despair.