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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

boys harassing girls for nude pics - I told school, the parents are next

218 replies

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 08/03/2019 11:40

There are kids in my daughters class I have known sine they were all toddlers at playgroup together. They are all now 16.

A couple of these boys have become horrible creeps - they are continually messaging the girls to try and get nude images. They are saying "you're so hot, I'd fucking ruin your ass" - endless vile messages every few minutes all through the night.

My daughter's friend refused, so four boys started messaging her how they were going to rape her as punishment. It was very graphic and sinister.

I told school. If the messages were being directed at my daughter I'd go to the police, they are so vile.

School have not managed to change the behaviour. Naturally, everyone denied it, the girls don't want their parents to know they have sent nudes and the boys have the images stored in the "secret" bit of snapchat ( that I only found out existed yesterday)

To be fair to school, they have been consistently telling the kids about the importance of Not Being A Dick on social media - but the kids just don't listen.

I know a couple of the sets of parents pretty well. AIBU to think that if school can't handle it, the parents might? If it was me I'd want to know that my son was goign through a Creepy Fucker phase and would appreciate the chance to get him to see girls as anything other than a place for his penis before he landed up on a register.

OP posts:
YogaWannabe · 08/03/2019 18:43

Ugh I have recent experience of this as I have been working closely with teenagers. It is rampant and it terrifies me for the generations to come!

Even with 100% proof the parents just couldn’t believe their little Johnny could have done that. Must have been hacked etc etc

Quertymcquerty · 08/03/2019 18:45

God boys these days are grim.
I despair

Seriously? You thinks that’s okay to post that?

tinytemper66 · 08/03/2019 18:47

Ask the school to involve the beat officer at the school.
When we have had similar issues she has been involved and has given sound advice.
If not then Police is the next port of call.

Quertymcquerty · 08/03/2019 18:47

And op I agree with your decision not to talk to parents directly ( I did that and it went very wrong). Police as others have said.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 08/03/2019 18:48

@Quertymcquerty let’s not NAMALT. Exercise some nuance when you read things like that.

Quertymcquerty · 08/03/2019 18:49

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira

Excuse me?

YogaWannabe · 08/03/2019 18:53

Jesus I’m sick to the teeth of this “Not All Men” bullshit on threads about particular behavior

Funny though it’s the “Not All Men” mothers we had to contact about their vile offsprings revolting behavior.

Russell19 · 08/03/2019 19:20

Sad to say schools are not trained or properly equipped to deal with this. As you say this is a crime, school can educate about it. They cannot stop or punish it....

DroningOn · 08/03/2019 19:23

+1 for the police

Whatsername7 · 08/03/2019 19:30

Im head of year 11. Something similar happened with my cohort. We searched the phones of the boys who were named, informed parents and made them delete the images. Then we had an assembly with the boys en masse and sent a letter to every parent in the school regarding the issue and outlining the legal information. Then we started to embed respect and SRE lessons within the curriculum from year 7 to 11. Your dds school have been completely remiss.

JohnnyHatesJazz · 08/03/2019 19:32

Another +1 for handing it over to the police to deal with.

ThunderStorms · 08/03/2019 19:35

@Whatsername7 Why on earth delete them? They should have been given to the police for evidence!!! Year 11 should know better. Year 6 should know better...

gambaspilpil · 08/03/2019 19:38

Hi , I have been through this myself with my DD. Boys from a local private school would for want of a better word groom younger girls from other schools. Spend months on snap chat saying they like them etc etc. they would build up to sending a 'dick shot' then ask the girls for a nude. When they got the nude they would simply screen shot it and share it amongst their friends. the screen shot sits in normal photos. Little shits... sadly for them I knew the admissions registrar at the school and their names and headed in and spoke to the headmaster. As far as I was concerned it is grooming and they didn't appear to realise that they were contacting under age girls...their DP were called in and police were called. They had deleted the evidence however they were spoken to and warned about the risk to their future and being placed on a sex offenders register...

jelliebelly · 08/03/2019 19:42

Something similar although not as bad from what you've written happened at my children's school. Parents went to school, School involved police, kids were expelled..

jelliebelly · 08/03/2019 19:43

Victims were given counselling

Whatsername7 · 08/03/2019 19:48

Delete them to stop the boys spreading/blackmailing them. The police will only investigate if the complaint comes from the victim. In which case, their tech departments can get the pictures back. In this case, the police investigation was focussed on one boy. However, I have 96 boys in my year group. Thd police wouldnt prosecute all of them. Getting the pictures out of their hands was our priority.

BoneyBackJefferson · 08/03/2019 19:49

vivariumvivariumsvivaria
it's not my kid and there's no evidence. so, it's not, in law, anything more than rumour.

this ^

and I found reading them upsetting.

and this ^ don't match.

Screen print and record the information, you then have evidence backing up your accusation.

ThunderStorms · 08/03/2019 19:54

@whatsername7 ah ok. Makes sense.

BuildingBackUp · 08/03/2019 20:00

God boys these days are grim

I'd say the same about the girls sending nude photos of themselves tbh.

That's some boys and some girls lets remember, not all of them.

BruceFoxton · 08/03/2019 20:11

Someone suggested taking a photo of the images with your phone. FOR GODS SAKE PLEASE DONT DO THAT as you’d be committing the crime of creating an indecent image of a child and could be prosecuted. Advice is always to confiscate and secure device Nd hand over to police or CEOP.

Burlea · 08/03/2019 20:14

Police.

Original poster
vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 08/03/2019 20:36

Boney, it's snapchat - the messages vanish.

Snapchat is a terrible, terrible thing - and they are all on it.

The problem really, is porn. The boys see it and think that is how to treat girls. The girls see it and think that is how they should behave in order to be fanciable.

It is fucking grim.

And, I agree, this kids parents would be absolutely shocked. They are both perfectly lovely people, one's a social worker and the other other is a health care professional. You genuinely couldn't find two people who'd be better, more caring, on the ball parents...which is why it's important not to judge. I have a son too, and, who knows what he'll get up to.

It's a societal problem, and it's early access to porn and easy access to really nasty porn that's the issue.

OP posts:
Whatsername7 · 08/03/2019 20:47

Snap chat has a 'My eyes only' section. That is where they keep the images.

BoneyBackJefferson · 08/03/2019 20:47

vivariumvivariumsvivaria

See post

read post
press print screen.
paste in to word power point (whatever)

details recorded send to police/;school/parents

as aleksandr would say "simples"

Original poster
vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 08/03/2019 20:54

Yes, Boney, thanks, I understand the concept. Does Aleksandr have advice on handling that with a teenage girl who is absolutely not going to let you screenshot messages from her phone? If I took one she'd delete it in a flash. Do you remember how much friendships mattered when you were 16? They matter more than family links, it's a developmental stage.

If the choice is to keep conversation and trust with her, or get a screenshot on her phone which will set her up against me - then there is no simples.

The police can get the evidence they need.

OP posts: