Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU?- Roadside shrines

442 replies

Arnoldthecat · 03/03/2019 08:13

This is more of a ..would i be unreasonable....to not want a roadside shrine directly outside my house/garden gate/in close proximity..?

OP posts:
Hot4Holes · 03/03/2019 08:15

Yanbu but I expect others would judge harshly if you moved it.

PrawnOfCreation · 03/03/2019 08:16

Do you live on my scheme? There's one right near us, DD saw it, wanted to look at the "beautiful flowers". She's too young to have it explained.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 03/03/2019 08:17

I don't like them, but why does it bother you?

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 03/03/2019 08:19

I understand that that might bother you but it's really not something you can object to. If it was me I'd try to find out about the person so that I could acknowledge them as I passed. You definitely can't do anything to get rid of it so trying to embrace it as part of the local scenery is the best you can do.

Birdsgottafly · 03/03/2019 08:20

Did someone die on that spot? Who were they?

If it starts to be neglected over time, then it's fine to remove it, but straight after and my opinion is, why upset someone whose already grieving.

strawberrypenguin · 03/03/2019 08:26

Is it against your gate/property? I don't think YABU but grief means people don't think straight. If it's not impending you or damaging your property I'd leave it for a little bit then remove it.

LL83 · 03/03/2019 08:26

Yanbu to not want it it. Yabvu if you say this to anyone in real life or to move it.

Wont be long, and if it comforts mourners then leave them to it.

SavoyCabbage · 03/03/2019 08:28

You aren't unreasonable not to want it but it's there now. People don't want all sorts outside their homes. Like Birds says you could probably move it if it becomes neglected.

ChodeofChodeHall · 03/03/2019 08:29

I've never seen a roadside shrine in the UK.

An actual shrine, like they have by the roadside on Greek islands?

Or a load of bunches of petrol-station carnations with the wrappers still on, tied to a lamppost?

PlumpAndPlain · 03/03/2019 08:32

You can't count on it being a short term thing though. My mum's friend has maintained her son's roadside shrine for the last 15 years...

10IAR · 03/03/2019 08:33

YANBU not to want it, YWBVVVVU to remove it yourself unless it had become tattered and uncared for.
Is it a recent death?

DoingTheBestICan · 03/03/2019 08:34

There is a shrine near a road where I live, it has flowers, balloons, tinsel, garden ornaments, a cross and lots of tat.
It is about 4 foot wide and is a bit of a distraction, it's on a nasty road.

ItchySeveredFoot · 03/03/2019 08:35

I hate them. They never look nice and all that horrible plastic gets left out.

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 03/03/2019 08:37

They are everywhere in Ireland. I think they are awful. There was someone killed in an accident on a residential road hear where I live and people keep leaving flowers and teddies outside someone’s house. The owners keeping having to clear them two years later and are probably getting really pissed off at this stage considering the accident had nothing to do with them.

Rachie1973 · 03/03/2019 08:38

My friend lost her parents in a car accident about 9 years ago. Random strangers with good intentions started the roadside shrine, but she loathes them. Says they look dirty and dusty. She visits her parents grave to leave floral tributes.

SileneOliveira · 03/03/2019 08:38

I wouldn't want one outside my house either. A few flowers - fine. But it never is just a few flowers. It's the plastic wrapping, the balloons, the other crap people think it's appropriate to leave lying around. And then it gets wet, and the flowers wilt and it just looks AWFUL and bereaved family never clear it all away.

But good luck saying that to a family which has lost someone.

IWantChocolates · 03/03/2019 08:38

I used to live in South East London. There was an actual shrine just down the road from us, actually built into the hoarding of the building site opposite our flat (Must have been agreed with the company when the hoarding went up). Photos, candles, flowers in vases, messages, the works. Every year on the anniversary of the young man's death or his birthday (I think it was a knife crime), about 50 people would turn up, play loud music, game, sing, eat food, drink, smoke.

Yes, it was annoying on a school night but it was so occasional we just let them do what they needed to. They stopped visiting when that bit of hoarding came down to make a vehicle access to the construction site. I felt sorry for them they didn't have it anymore but things change.

3luckystars · 03/03/2019 08:39

When i worked in the airport, this man would ring every day complaining about the noise and how it was frightening his animals.
The airport was there long before him!
He moved beside an airport and then complained about the airport.

Did you move beside a shrine and now want it taken down?

If yes then you are being unreasonable.

AJPTaylor · 03/03/2019 08:39

We had one where we used to live but what the families did was plant the verge with spring bulbs so every spring there is a bright spring like reminder.
As for the rest of them I just pray I never find out what comfort it brings.

3luckystars · 03/03/2019 08:41

Sorry, sincere apologies. I live in Ireland and thought you meant a shrine to Mary with a statue because there are loads of them here for hundreds of years. Sorry i did not understand the type of shrine you meant.

SalliSunbeem · 03/03/2019 08:41

Why do we do it? It's a new thing, years ago it wasn't done.

MamaLazarou · 03/03/2019 08:42

SileneOliveira Could not agree more.

Villanellesproudmum · 03/03/2019 08:43

A little random comparing an airport to a roadside tribute.

Lovemusic33 · 03/03/2019 08:43

It’s a tough one, I see both sides. Obviously someone has lost their son, daughter, dad, mother or friend and they want to place flowers and I can see why they would want to do this, but I can also see that it may cause upset if it’s directly outside your house and you have to explain to your children what happened. I have alsways been open with my kids about death and they have never really asked about flowers on the side of the road, they know what they are there for and it’s normal to feel a little bit sad that someone we didn’t know lost their life.

ScreamingValenta · 03/03/2019 08:45

Villanellesproudmum The poster misread the thread and type of shrine being discussed.