WIBU?- Roadside shrines

[Arnoldthecat]

This is more of a ..would i be unreasonable....to not want a roadside shrine directly outside my house/garden gate/in close proximity..?

[Vulpine]

White bikes at cycle death spots are ok to highlight how dangerous it is

[Littledidsheknow]

And as for those locks on bridges... !

[Streamingbannersofdawn]

I don't like them and like a PP tell my DH that nobody is to do that for me should the worst happen (mind you I have also briefed him on no black and decent worship music at my funeral and the hearse driver putting his foot down...I'm weird like that).

There is one on a stretch of road I drive every day it has plastic flowers, tinsel, ornaments and fairy lights, distracting at night and I don't think it's a good idea really. There is a carved wooden memorial sign as well. The family lost both their children. I must say that every time I see it im reminded to be a bit more careful, perhaps that's part of the families aim. It's been there years.

[StinkyCandle]

They are horrendous. I could understand people dropping flowers, but they always seem to be a pile of rubbish: plastic, balloons - as environmentally unfriendly as possible. Just why.

YANBU at all not to want one, but you cannot say anything, you will come across as the bad guy. You could at best argue for the safety if it's in the side of a bend, but that's the best you can say unfortunately.

[IceRebel]

White bikes at cycle death spots are ok to highlight how dangerous it is

Even if the cyclist who died had no lights or helmet?

[Snugglepiggy]

In a way OP YANBU. I hate them.For months even years in some cases as the one near where we live.Very tragically a young student was killed but it seems every birthday,anniversary is going to be marked by disintegrating plastic and ballons flapping around.As it gets tattier I think what a depressing way to be commemorated.
I truly feel for anyone who has lost a loved one in a tragic accident, it could happen to any of us .But what if everyone put up that amount of stuff for a loved one.I do know a family who got permission to plant out an old horse trough with bulbs and perennial flowers where their son was killed and I always think of him driving past.But it's natural,understated and peaceful.No signs.Not distracting.

[LaMarschallin]

I lost a very close relative in an RTA. Thankfully it was before these horrid things. If people had started laying down "tributes" my family and I would have removed them.

[ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley]

Cellotaph. Clever and accurate.

I agree and think they are awful. Flowers on a grave are nicer and more dignified. The plastic tat is another issue.

I drive to work through a forested area along a road that has seen numerous deaths due to pissed up locals hitting trees. I can count above 20 trees with ribbons, flowers, balloons, ornaments, teddies, lanterns all arrayed about. Wrecks the pleasure of looking at nature and the turn of the year.

[EntirelyAnonymised]

I do think there should be a law or a council policy that is shared by all council, that these memorials remain for a set time and then are cleared away.

There’s one in my town that has been there for over 15yrs. Faded plastic flowers in the hedgerow, looks hideous.

I doubt these things are actually attended by family. It seems to be performance grievers, the sort who didn’t know the person or knew them very distantly.

[Vulpine]

Icerebel - most cycle deaths happen during the day as a result of driver mistakes. So highlighting this is hopefully beneficial

[ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley]

The white bike is a bit spooky IMHO.

[RedRiverShore]

YANBU. Contact the council as there may be local bylaws regarding them but I probably wouldn’t move it myself

[Bringbackthestripes]

They are horrendous. I could understand people dropping flowers, but they always seem to be a pile of rubbish: plastic, balloons - as environmentally unfriendly as possible. Just why.

^Exactly.
There are a couple of very large (and growing) ones on a beautiful country road near us. Just awful, they never come and remove the plastic, ribbon or dead flowers- they just keep adding more! I feel sorry for the poor wildlife that get tangled or choke on the plastic rubbish they leave.

Op YANBU to not want it but every local would think you were the most awful person in the world if you said it out loud or tried to move it. Seems you are stuck with it.

[CountessVonBoobs]

Even if the cyclist who died had no lights or helmet?

A helmet does nothing to protect a cyclist in a collision with a car. There has never been an established case of a helmet saving a life in this scenario. What they do do, as your post delightfully demonstrates, is allow people to victim-blame cyclists, even though the evidence does not support their use and there is even some evidence to show that drivers pass helmet-using cyclists closer and they are therefore more at risk.

[user1457017537]

They don’t harm anyone and if it comforts the family what harm is there. I always feel sad when I see ghost bikes. It’s where their soul departed.

[Tawdrylocalbrouhaha]

Most of them are not maintained and quickly look awful - it is the very last memorial I would want if my life, dead flowers mouldering in plastic on a pavement.

However if the are properly maintained I dont mind them (in fairness I am Irish and grew up with them - usually a black marble tablet with a picture of the deceased and a few well maintained chrysanthemums, cut flowers at anniversary). Also there is one near me which is just one lantern set way back from the road. I never see anyone lighting it, but it is twinkling there most nights I go past, and I don't mind that one.

[IceRebel]

most cycle deaths happen during the day as a result of driver mistakes. So highlighting this is hopefully beneficial

But I quite clearly stated in my case this wasn't what happened. The poor car driver has to live with the fact they killed someone, they shouldn't also have to endure the roadside shrine as well. I also feel it gives the wrong impression. Why highlight the carelessness of car drivers, (not that this driver was careless) rather than focus on promoting bike safety to other cyclists?

[BangingOn]

I just can’t imaging anyone would want to be commemorated in that way.

It is interesting how differently people grieve though. I remember the first time I read the local paper when visiting FIL in another part of the country. I couldn’t believe how many pages there were of ‘in memorial’ messages marking the birthdays of someone who had passed away. There were often half a dozen for the same person, with each part of the family paying for their own message.

Interestingly, there were only 4 birthday messages for living people in the paper.

[ReanimatedSGB]

I hate them too. Tacky, vulgar, unnecessary and potentially dangerous to others (distracting drivers, sometimes actually making it necessary to step off the pavement to get round the heaps of plastic shit and dead lowers...)

[LaMarschallin]

Sorry. Didn't answer the question.
IMO YANBU.
I find it odd how grieving has changed and wouldn't/didn't myself have an inclination to put flowers on the spot or take to social media to point out that there was a new star in the sky.
Maybe a compromise: laying just flowers which are compostable and no cellophane/teddy bears etc?
Still a bore if it's at your property and you don't want it there. Happened at a place near my last house where a wall was destroyed and the house-owners couldn't rebuild it for over a year because of all the stuff that kept being left.
And why do people who don't know the dead person leave "tributes"?

[HoppingPavlova]

Wrecks the pleasure of looking at nature and the turn of the year.

Probably a bit of a bummer for the people who died there too ......

I’m not a fan however I’ve never been in the situation of someone close to me dying in this manner. I’m pretty certain I wouldn’t do this but if I died like this it may be something my kids felt compelled to do, who knows. On that basis I don’t judge, whatever gets people through trumps a bit of untidiness in front of a house or stuff tied to trees for however long.

[Unescorted]

I have noticed a trend for leaving plastic wrapped flowers, balloons and photo's of people tied to footpath finger posts and top of the hill cairns. Not because the person died there but because they wanted their ashes scattered there. Bonkers - change the soil pH / ruin a fragile ecosystem and litter a place that someone liked so it is an ugly eroded litter dump for everyone else.

[IceRebel]

What they do do, as your post delightfully demonstrates, is allow people to victim-blame cyclists

I'm not trying to victim blame cyclist. I just feel it's unfair for the driver to have to pass a shrine, knowing there was little they could do to avoid what happened. I wasn't aware helmets were so ineffective in these situations, so thank you for telling me this. However, I still feel the cyclist should have had lights on their bike.

[ReanimatedSGB]

Also, just how many of the fucking things should people be expected to put up with? And what if someone else (with a lot of grief-wankers among their family and friends) pops off on the same spot - a tat-battle? Priority for the one who's been dead longer eg 'OUR plastic shit and mouldy teddies were here first'?

[Meandmetoo]

Surely if a driver can be so distracted by flowers at a roadside that they are a danger they shouldn't be driving? Or at least go on an advanced drivers course? I can't imagine "sorry your honour, I was distracted by some carnations on the roadside" would stand up as a defence against dangerous driving.