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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU?- Roadside shrines

442 replies

Arnoldthecat · 03/03/2019 08:13

This is more of a ..would i be unreasonable....to not want a roadside shrine directly outside my house/garden gate/in close proximity..?

OP posts:
Littledidsheknow · 03/03/2019 08:45

Do you mean like a cellotaph? An ugly display of ageing plastic wrapped flowers? If so YANBU. They look awful.

Disfordarkchocolate · 03/03/2019 08:46

Every time I see one I tell my husband not do this for me f I die in a road accident. After a few days of bad weather they look sad and neglected, they also can distract drivers.

Lovemusic33 · 03/03/2019 08:47

Also agree about ones that have been there for years, surely the family has a grave to leave flowers on? They could plant a tree or put a bench somewhere. I’m not sure what I would do if I lost a family member on the side of a road because I may feel differently but my feeling now are that the person may have died there but their memories are not there, there body is not there? I think just after a accident it’s fine for close family to leave some flowers but after a week it should be removed.

3luckystars · 03/03/2019 08:48

Yes i am so sorry, i misunderstood the type of shrine. I thought she meant one like this:

WIBU?- Roadside shrines
Bumblebee27 · 03/03/2019 08:49

I don't think you are being unreasonable but I don't think I would want to be the one to complain or move it either. Especially if it's a recent thing.

Personally I think too much can be really distracting to drivers on sometimes already dangerous roads.

BangingOn · 03/03/2019 08:49

To the people saying that they won’t be there for long, there are several on our stretch of rural road that have been her for years. The family bring new football shirts every year, add Christmas decorations etc.

I feel really uncomfortable about them and I am relieved they aren’t closer to my house.

Squarepeg39 · 03/03/2019 08:49

Cellotaph.

^^
Brilliant word.

Evenstar · 03/03/2019 08:49

Perhaps it could be reported to the council and they could deal with it. Agree with PP that this could go on for a long time, I know of a house locally where supermarket bouquets are still appearing 20 years on 🙁

BlueSkiesLies · 03/03/2019 08:51

It’s a bit of a class marker isn’t it? Flowers wrapped in plastic and ready bears heaped by the roadside and left out in the rain to get all tatty. Heartfelt messages “I luv U chaz u nvr shud hav ben taken”

The family never clear it away or make it look nice.

I also don’t like flowers in plastic at graves either for the same reason. Tatty.

ChodeofChodeHall · 03/03/2019 08:52

Every time I see one I tell my husband not do this for me f I die in a road accident.

I tell mine I'll come back and haunt him if he allows it. Grin

Paddingtonthebear · 03/03/2019 08:53

Wow BlueSkies

Evenstar · 03/03/2019 08:53

Also agree that they can be distracting and dangerous for drivers, I did ring the council about one in a rural road on a sharp bend where the lanterns and football shirts made it appear someone was about to step out on to the road. I felt someone could brake or swerve to avoid a pedestrian that wasn’t there.

LoafEater · 03/03/2019 08:54

I think they are awful, mawkish, and ugly. I do not see the point of them. My dad died on his bedroom floor, should I return to his old house and leave flowers on the new owners carpet? There is one near us for a bloke who drove his car into a tree after been chased by the police as he was drunk/drug driving. Now the load of old tat his family leave there distracts other drivers. If it was outside my house it would be gone. I have lost loved ones to terrible accidents, I do to want to visit the place where they died a horrible painful death.

Why are there not shrines outside hospitals where most people die?

They should be removed after one month max.

LoafEater · 03/03/2019 08:56

*dont want to visit

AuntieCJ · 03/03/2019 08:58

Tacky and unnecessary. One near here is a distraction for drivers and is moved but friends and family just keep bringing more tat.

RaffertyFair · 03/03/2019 08:58

Close friends of mine were seriously injured in a horrendous crash in which other people sadly died. The accident happened near their home.

The family of one of the people who died made a 'shrine' and kept it going for years.
It was so difficult for my friends who were faced with this daily reminder of their own traumatic experience.

fishesgirl · 03/03/2019 09:00

We’ve got one outside our garden hedge, predates us moving in (almost 10 years ago). It’s well maintained (flowers/plants/ornaments). Doesn’t bother us in the least, although we can’t actually see it from the house.

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 03/03/2019 09:01

@3luckystars we have a lovey one of those at the end of our road. Our houses were build in the 1930s by the council before they were bought over by posh people in the 00’s. Some of the residents have campaigned to have it removed becuase it brings down the area and devalues their properties. Personally I don’t mind it and the old dears all look after it but when they die out it will go.

missmouse101 · 03/03/2019 09:02

They are really awful. Why would you want to mark the spot where someone died in a horrible accident?

Littledidsheknow · 03/03/2019 09:03

There is an beautiful neolithic site near where I live and I walk the dog past it almost daily.
People have been sticking bunches of flowers and cards amongst the stones, and even set plaques into the earth beside it. Spoils the look of the whole place and gives me the rage.

We’ve all been bereaved. No one has had a life free from death. Doesn’t give us the right to spoil anything, ruin views and leave plastic tat anywhere.

starzig · 03/03/2019 09:04

I agree they are awful. But I wouldnt mess with the type of people that leave them there so you may have to ignore for now.

IceRebel · 03/03/2019 09:05

We have one near where I live that has flowers, teddies and a bike spray painted white, as the person died after a car clipped their bicycle.

Whilst I understand the family are upset by their loss. Every time I pass the shrine I think about the poor driver who killed the cyclist must feel, having such a visual reminder of what happened. As the bike didn't have lights and the rider wasn't wearing a helmet. It's been several years now and it's still there. Sad

Meandmetoo · 03/03/2019 09:06

I don't mind them if they provide some comfort to family/friends. A moment of "urgh" from someone is nothing to the lifetime of actual hurt for those having to handle a very distressing death of their loved one.

LucheroTena · 03/03/2019 09:06

I would take it down in the middle of the night.

3luckystars · 03/03/2019 09:07

I am a bit nostalgic about them too, we visited them a lot as children.

I was thinking that the op was expecting a lot to get one of these removed.

Regarding the shrines she was actually talking about though, i wouldn't have the balls to touch them, i would be afraid to go near them. Even if they were really awful looking.

WIBU?- Roadside shrines