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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my girlfriend to be less angry about my son

207 replies

niceguyjames82 · 01/03/2019 19:58

Hello all, my first ever thread-
My gf and I have been with eachother the past 2 years. I have a son from another relationship who’s 3. I fought for him through court for about and year and got 3/4 weekends with him. My partner is quite resentful of the lack of time that we have with eachother. We have all week and every enening ( fri and sat when child is in bed) but I understand that it’s hard. I just really want us to do things together. And make the most of the weekends.
When we got together she knew that I had a son and I was fighting for him. She is a very kind hard working person but I think work stress is now making her take it out on me.,
She’s making me decide to cut down on the time I have with him. Is this fair? I love them both but I can’t just cut down time with my child can I? Help?

OP posts:
Fiveredbricks · 01/03/2019 20:00

No it's not fair and if you do then yabu to your son. She knows what your responsibilities are, she can suck it up or walk.

InsomniaTho · 01/03/2019 20:00

Dump the silly cow.

Littlefish · 01/03/2019 20:00

She is being utterly unreasonable. Under no circumstances should you cut down on the time with your child. If she keeps pushing it, then you need to finish the relationship with her. She has no interest in supporting your relationship with your child and it will only get worse.

Queenofthestress · 01/03/2019 20:00

No you bloody well can't, tell her to bugger off being a controlling cow, she knew the deal when you got together

Raspberrytruffle · 01/03/2019 20:00

Sorry OP put your child first not your dick. Tell your dp that you will be ensuring you have quality time with your child and if she's decent she will get over herself.

Grimbles · 01/03/2019 20:01

What do you need help with, telling her to jog on?

Seriously, you can't even be considering cutting down contact with your son to appease your girlfriend.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 01/03/2019 20:02

Bin the girlfriend as it will only get worse.
No way should you even consider reducing contact with your son and she is very unreasonable to even ask.

HeyNannyNanny · 01/03/2019 20:02

Dump her

Gruzinkerbell1 · 01/03/2019 20:03

Tell her to pack her bags and leave. Save your child from a lifetime of a step parent who resents their very existence.

theworldistoosmall · 01/03/2019 20:03

Bin her.

user1473878824 · 01/03/2019 20:03

Dump her. It’s not worth the risk of her making you son feel bad later on. And you do not want to be with someone who thinks it’s reasonable for you to see your child less. I can only see this getting even worse if you two have children.

HK20 · 01/03/2019 20:03

Your child 100% takes priority over your girlfriend. She knew and understood the situation - if she doesn't want to be part of a family unit, that's her choice and she can walk away. She cannot make you choose - please don't let her try.

Soubriquet · 01/03/2019 20:03

Child comes first

Every time

You can always find a new girlfriend. You can’t get another son like the one you’ve got

AnyFucker · 01/03/2019 20:03

Get rid of the girlfriend. Your son is your priority.

ethelfleda · 01/03/2019 20:04

LTB!

Aquamarine1029 · 01/03/2019 20:04

Your son comes first, always, and any decent woman would agree. She is jealous and controlling, and this will never work. You deserve a better partner.

Cheetahssitonfajitas · 01/03/2019 20:05

Get rid of her. Sorry but if she's actually asking you to spend less time with your child then she's not a decent person and will not make a great step-mum. Cut your losses before you get in deeper. Flowers

certainlymerry · 01/03/2019 20:05

I ageee with the others. If she wants you to prioritise her over your child she has her values all wrong. Your child comes first, always.

user1493413286 · 01/03/2019 20:05

I’m a stepmum and as hard as it can be I’d never expect (or want) my DH to cut down on the time he spends with DD. I think you need to decide who comes first, your son or your partner (I really hope it’s your son)
It sounds like when she got together with you because your son wasn’t with you so much she thought that was how it’s always be and wasn’t prepared to share you and accept being with someone with a child

Nnnnnineteen · 01/03/2019 20:06

This should not even be a thing to think about. It won't get better, get rid of her now.

strawberryredhead · 01/03/2019 20:07

She sounds horribly selfish I’m afraid. Who would want to put themselves in the way of a child getting time with a parent - time that could set them up for life in terms of their self esteem and well-being? Children need their parents and if she doesn’t understand that i don’t think she’s the right person for you.

Bluelonerose · 01/03/2019 20:07

Get rid of her. You come as a package. If someone can't deal with that they are not the right person for you.

Merryoldgoat · 01/03/2019 20:09

She needs to go - your son if your priority.

Imagine if you had children with her - she’d prioritise her bio child and your son would be distinctly second tier.

Parents have no business prioritising relationships with new partners over their children.

Dvg · 01/03/2019 20:16

If she cant manage you spending 3 weekends with him then she wont be able to manage you spending more time with him as he gets older and gets more demanding :D

Springwalk · 01/03/2019 20:18

Easy decision, let her go, she will only get worse. Your son could be very damaged by her. It’s good you know now what she is like.