To expect my girlfriend to be less angry about my son

[niceguyjames82]

Hello all, my first ever thread-
My gf and I have been with eachother the past 2 years. I have a son from another relationship who’s 3. I fought for him through court for about and year and got 3/4 weekends with him. My partner is quite resentful of the lack of time that we have with eachother. We have all week and every enening ( fri and sat when child is in bed) but I understand that it’s hard. I just really want us to do things together. And make the most of the weekends.
When we got together she knew that I had a son and I was fighting for him. She is a very kind hard working person but I think work stress is now making her take it out on me.,
She’s making me decide to cut down on the time I have with him. Is this fair? I love them both but I can’t just cut down time with my child can I? Help?

MariaNovella you have it wrong. You cant treat a 1 month old the same as a 17 year old. At the age of 3, this guy's child needs undivided attention moreso than a 17 year old. Dating is not the same for a single parent. When you're married with kids it is easier to meet expectations of your spouse/partner as they enjoy the time they get and also appreciate time given to the child. the child is of common interest and their wellbeing/happiness benefits both parents.
This man's girlfriend doesn't feel like she has anything to gain from this guy spending time with his son. If she was a mature adult, she'd realise that by being understanding, she is helping the relationship progress peacefully and that the son wont resent her and pose as a threat to her relationship in future.
Perhaps he should date a single mum. she may understand more.

I can understand why she doesn't want this new lifestyle, only 1 free wk end a month isn't much and that's okay for her to be unhappy with that. What isn't okay is giving you an ultimatum, if she isn't (which is fine) okay with this then she should walk away not give do what she is doing.

It might be better to date another single parent with a young-ish child, so you are both at the same stage of life.

She probably thought it would be EOW.

My mother left me when I was 12 with my father who had never wanted a child. The reason she left was because she wanted another child. I was always second best to her husband and subsequent children and I was made very unwelcome by my step father. My mother glossed over it and called me sensitive.I have absolutely no relationship with any one of them. Don’t make the same mistake with your son.

OP-Just to say that not ALL single women without children would behave as your GF has done, or view your DS as a rival/drain on couple-time. There are understanding women without children who would be delighted to support your relationship with your little boy, and come to develop their own relationship with him if things progressed to the point where that was appropriate. Equally, some single mothers might be selfish nightmares. It just depends on the person!

@Armadillo. Good point.

Your child comes first. She isn't right for you if she won't accept he needs you in his life more than she does. For what it's worth I have a SS and for the past 10 years we've had him every second weekend plus holidays and I wouldn't dream of it being otherwise. You come as a package as far as I'd be concerned

I would talk to her about the work stress and ask if it is affecting her. I would explain I'm always willing to listen. I would make it clear that my child always comes first. I would end it if they didn't accept that.