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Original poster

To expect my girlfriend to be less angry about my son

207 replies

niceguyjames82 · 01/03/2019 19:58

Hello all, my first ever thread-
My gf and I have been with eachother the past 2 years. I have a son from another relationship who’s 3. I fought for him through court for about and year and got 3/4 weekends with him. My partner is quite resentful of the lack of time that we have with eachother. We have all week and every enening ( fri and sat when child is in bed) but I understand that it’s hard. I just really want us to do things together. And make the most of the weekends.
When we got together she knew that I had a son and I was fighting for him. She is a very kind hard working person but I think work stress is now making her take it out on me.,
She’s making me decide to cut down on the time I have with him. Is this fair? I love them both but I can’t just cut down time with my child can I? Help?

OP posts:
Prettyvase · 02/03/2019 08:30

How can you love someone who he has the capacity to hurt your son? ( Physically and mentally?)

It would put me right off some one if they were jealous instead of kind and generous of spirit. Especially to a 3 year old!

Give your head a wobble. She will be a damaging influence in your son's life.

Is she really that attractive to you knowing this? What a weak, spineless father you are if you ever pander to a jealous woman instead of to your innocent son.

I hope you never ever leave them together without you being there. Dislike manifests in many ways: impatience, rudeness, sharpness, spitefulness..and God help him if you ever had DC together. He would be cast out and made totally unwelcome.

You would have to be extremely selfish and uncaring if you pursue a relationship with a person like this.

NannyRed · 02/03/2019 08:37

My instinct is to say you should put your child first, your gf knew you had a child so she must adapt to your life, not expect you to change who you are (a daddy) you son is still very young so she can’t resent you spending time with him.

lboogy · 02/03/2019 08:40

I don't get why you need a bunch of internet strangers to tell you to put your own child first Confused

FudgeBrownie2019 · 02/03/2019 08:44

Your girlfriend is a dick and needs to be single so that she can find someone childless where her resentment and jealousy don't ruin a small child's life.

And you need to toughen up and accept that from this point on, you and your child are a unit. Nobody, not one person on earth, should be trying to make you see less of your child. Anyone who does is not someone you or your child should be around.

Lovemusic33 · 02/03/2019 08:55

I don’t think your girlfriends a dick as such but she needs to walk away, she obviously doesn’t want your ds around and can’t handle the amount of time you spend with him. It is hard being in a relationship with someone who has young children, I have done it and I wouldn’t do it again. She wrong staying with you if she can’t except your ds and she needs to leave. If you stay together things will get worse, what happens when you have a child with her? She will probably push your ds away even more?

You need to put your ds first, don’t let anyone come between you and your ds, they are not children for long but what happens when they are children stays with them forever.

GabriellaMontez · 02/03/2019 08:57

Does she have a good relationship with your son?
Is this about a specific event or generally?

Original poster
niceguyjames82 · 02/03/2019 09:02

We live with eachother and have done the past year. She does very long hours and finds it hard to do lots on weekends. We do go out - in fact we went out all last weekend. We all had fun. I think it could be related to stress? Thank you again for your advice.
I love them both but won’t sacrafise my time with my child. I will try and make more time for her though?

OP posts:
MorelloKisses · 02/03/2019 09:13

Generally speaking, when you have children, you expect to have them all the time. You already have a whole weekend a month and every week night free (together), which is more than almost all parents.

This perspective is all wrong!

MRex · 02/03/2019 09:17

@niceguyjames82 - if you stay with her then you need to be very clear with her that this situation won't change because you love DS and DS loves you. If she still pushes on this then I really hope you'll recognise at that point what a nasty person she is to try to harm your relationship with DS.

Nanny0gg · 02/03/2019 09:23

Im absolutely astounded that you were awarded three out of four weekends. No week day reaponsibility at all? The mother gets all school / nursery tesponsibility and you get the majority if the down-time / weekends?! How the hell is that fair? Even if the mother isnt working now and the child isnt in nursery now, long-term that’s appalling.

I wondered that.

She’s not a cow btw! But she’s jealous of my son.

That doesn't make sense. If the second one is true then so is the first.

VelvetPineapple · 02/03/2019 09:37

You already have a whole weekend a month and every week night free (together), which is more than almost all parents

The gf isn’t a parent though, and it doesn’t sound like she wants to commit to that lifestyle. Which is fair enough but then she needs to walk away.

jumpyfroglet · 02/03/2019 09:39

Why do you even need to make a thread on this.

If someone ever told me they wanted me to cut down the time I spend with my child, I wouldn't even have to think twice about what the solution would be.

If you go on to have dc together does she think that it should be the same? If you do I hope you've got some solid childcare lined up

Merryoldgoat · 02/03/2019 09:52

I look forward to your thread in a couple of years when your GF is pregnant and thinks you need more ‘family time’ and your son is sidelined further. But by then what can you do?

People really don’t understand the responsibility of having children - it does my fucking head in.

CoralandTeal · 02/03/2019 09:54

She sounds awful - clingy and selfish. Your child will always come first and if she can't accept that then she needs to go.

Tinkobell · 02/03/2019 09:56

If you did give in to her demands OP, and you gave her all the extra time shes wanting from you, it would come at such a high personal happiness cost to you that it simply wouldn't be worth it.....you'd be placing her shallow happiness above any sense of worth that you have has a Dad. TBH I don't like the sound of her. Please find someone who will love you as a great guy AND a devoted dad....they are out there!

formerbabe · 02/03/2019 09:58

Dump her. You can always meet another woman ...your ds is irreplaceable.

headinhands · 02/03/2019 09:59

very kind partners don't ask you to see less of your children.

IGotNewRules · 02/03/2019 10:01

If anyone said they wanted me to cut down on
time with my child, they'd be instantly shown the door. If she's been your girlfriend for a couple of years, I understand the situation will hurt. But the second ANYONE asks you to put them before your child, it's time to say bye bye.

thefirst48 · 02/03/2019 10:02

So you have your child 6 days out of 30/31 days a month and your gf is jealous because of the time you spend with your child! Can't you see how ridiculous she is being, an adult jealous of a child!

Imagine if you have a child with her in the future with she push your other child out because it isn't her blood? Think about it seriously.

DamonSalvatoresDinner · 02/03/2019 10:17

I would have zero respect for a man who didn't see his children for the maximum time he possibly could. Dump your childish partner. She knew you were a dad when you got together. She shouldn't try to change that.
Being a dad comes before being anything else.

Armadillostoes · 02/03/2019 10:28

Oh dear. I understand that you want a solution that lets you keep this GF but in keeping let you are badly letting your DS down. It is that simple. A woman who gets jealous of a toddler isn't someone who should play a big part in their life.

If you love your DS you need to put HIM first. Don't kid yourself it will be okay because you love your GF and want to keep her. It really won't be okay for your DS.

MorelloKisses · 02/03/2019 11:08

The gf isn’t a parent though, and it doesn’t sound like she wants to commit to that lifestyle. Which is fair enough but then she needs to walk away.

Precisely- this isn’t the relationship for her. Imagine if things changed and you ended up with full custody.

MzHz · 02/03/2019 11:19

You have to make a move to get this solved now.

The move you make is to TELL her that if she wants to remain in a relationship with you, then she absolutely doesn’t pressure you to spend less time with your son

She isn’t his parent, she gets plenty of time with you in the week and on one weekend a month, the long hours she works are what she will have to address if she wants her quality of life to improve, but that this doesn’t come at the expense of your son.

FullOfJellyBeans · 02/03/2019 11:19

I'd dump her straight away. It's not easy to go out with someone with a child but if you decide to go for someone with a child you accept that child will be a huge part of their and by extension your life. Even if you don't have custody you're always a parent - what if something were to happen to the other parent or as the cold grew up he preferred to live with his dad?

IHateUncleJamie · 02/03/2019 11:19

This is just so hard.

Sweetie, it really isn’t. A woman who is jealous of a little child is extremely insecure. Even if you did give in and cut down the time you have with your son, it wouldn’t end there. She would then “make you decide” to see him less and less. Where would it end?

If you give in and let her reduce the time with your son, the message you are giving to your son is that you cared more about your gf than you do about him. That is an extremely damaging message in the long run.

This is not hard. You just have to say “No, that won’t be happening. You knew I had a son when you moved in and my son has to come first.”

If she ups and leaves then that is HER choice.