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Original poster

To expect my girlfriend to be less angry about my son

207 replies

niceguyjames82 · 01/03/2019 19:58

Hello all, my first ever thread-
My gf and I have been with eachother the past 2 years. I have a son from another relationship who’s 3. I fought for him through court for about and year and got 3/4 weekends with him. My partner is quite resentful of the lack of time that we have with eachother. We have all week and every enening ( fri and sat when child is in bed) but I understand that it’s hard. I just really want us to do things together. And make the most of the weekends.
When we got together she knew that I had a son and I was fighting for him. She is a very kind hard working person but I think work stress is now making her take it out on me.,
She’s making me decide to cut down on the time I have with him. Is this fair? I love them both but I can’t just cut down time with my child can I? Help?

OP posts:
katseyes7 · 01/03/2019 21:56

l always came second to my stepsons, and l wouldn't have expected anything else. My OH wouldn't have been the man he was if he hadn't been the amazing dad he was. Please don't let her do this. Your child has to come first.

KitTheCat · 01/03/2019 21:56

Put your child first.

Drogosnextwife · 01/03/2019 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 01/03/2019 21:57

Your kidlet comes first. Simple.

She is being very unreasonable. Sounds like you have plenty of time just the two of you. And she could be making the most out of time with your littlun too.

My OH wasn't really into having kids and now he has two stepkids. One is a nightmare but calls him dad, the other he has bonded with superbly. But he puts in equal effort with them both because we are a package.

Ellisandra · 01/03/2019 21:58

What does 3/4 weekends actually mean?
Does it mean 3 in every 4 weekends, and is that Fri night to Monday morning? (Or Sunday evening?)
What did you tell your girlfriend you were trying to get?
Because for many young couples, only having 1 weekend in 4 with your partner is a really not much. Yes, you have evenings - but the often tired and squeezed after work time isn’t the same as leisure weekend time.

So - yes, you should choose your child over a girl/boyfriend- every time.

But if she was expected you to have EOW and 2 nights in the week, I can see why she might be pissed odd, without actually being an evil child hating unreasonable bitch!

m0therofdragons · 01/03/2019 21:59

Never choose a woman over your dc ever. Shouldn't even be a question imo.

NunoGoncalves · 01/03/2019 21:59

If someone asked me to cut back on my already limited time with my child, they'd be straight out the door.

Bluebell878275 · 01/03/2019 22:00

.....s'not real. If it is..I'd be losing the girlfriend.

Coronapop · 01/03/2019 22:02

Your son is your priority. Either the GF accepts this or you need to reconsider the relationship.

janetforpresident · 01/03/2019 22:02

But if she was expected you to have EOW and 2 nights in the week, I can see why she might be pissed odd, without actually being an evil child hating unreasonable bitch!

At a stretch I can see your point about her expectations BUT actually telling the OP they have to choose between their son and her is vile.

If I was trying to find a new partner then them finding my kids an annoying nuisance would be an instant red flag, it doesnt matter what her expectations were she clearly doesn't care for your son as a potential stepmother ought to.

Mummymummums · 01/03/2019 22:19

She is a very kind hard working person
No OP, she really isn't. She's jealous and resentful of a 3 year old.
I'd go so far as to say your relationship with your DS is so important that sometimes you and him should do thing just the two of you. I suspect she'll do anything she could to dilute it. Imagine if you had DC with her. Your DS would be less than a second cousin in her eyes.

SecretMillionaire · 01/03/2019 22:33

Your son comes first here. Your girlfriend has to accept your child 100% as otherwise there will be bigger battles ahead particularly if you later have a child together. Make a decision about the suitability of this relationship before your relationship with your son is detrimentally affected.

user1473878824 · 01/03/2019 22:52

OP I think the fact that the word you went for is “angry” means you know what the answer is. Even though you love her I really think this is the time she’s showing you how it’s always going to be.

Singlenotsingle · 01/03/2019 22:56

OP's disappeared. Maybe he's putting the DS to bed.

Takethebuscuitandthesink · 01/03/2019 22:56

reverse LTB

goldengummybear · 01/03/2019 23:02

She's not unreasonable to find it hard but she's very unreasonable to ask you to have your son less.

PregnantSea · 01/03/2019 23:10

You have to end it with your girlfriend. A lot of people think they can cope with a partner who has children from a previous relationship but then when it comes to crunch time they simply can't. I don't think it's really anyone's fault, it's just the situation. Let her move on and find someone like her who doesn't have kids yet, and you can move on and find someone who actually wants to join your family the way that it is now. Those people are out there, they're just a bit harder to find.

justarandomtricycle · 02/03/2019 01:53

Ok, this will seem a little harsh, but I spent decades of hell for me and those I loved, learning this, so maybe listen. Up to you.

An adult who looks at you and your 3 year old child, sees the bond between you as on a level with their own feelings and feels injured about it is a dangerous narcissist you should get out of your child's life.

If you let this fly and go back under the surface you will clear the path for them to hurt and harm your child, and any future children you have, terribly, perhaps even under the radar because people like this are deceptive, and the one that isn't theirs will always get the arse end of it.

The moment a supposed adult is internally outraged by your relationship with your small child, treat them like a nuclear bomb and set an exclusion zone accordingly. Don't realise this 30 years from now when your family is a mess.

Ispini · 02/03/2019 02:00

Your son is yours forever. Any woman that makes you want to choose is not the right one. Good luck and put your precious boy first.

StoppinBy · 02/03/2019 02:32

She is being really unfair, she knew the situation and she chose to be with you anyway, you didn't force her to be with you I presume.

What about if you had children together? They are there full time not just most weekends.

Sorry but I think she either needs to accept it and want to be a part of it or you need to go your separate ways.

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/03/2019 02:52

"She’s making me decide to cut down on the time I have with him."
Then your decision must prioritise your son. If ahe can't accept that, then she's not the woman for you.

DistanceCall · 02/03/2019 03:32

Any person who forces you to choose between them or your small child should be shown the door.

She's not worth it - count yourself lucky that you spotted this early.

Handprints2018 · 02/03/2019 07:03

You are not compatible and she is spiteful to ask that of you.

She is not spiteful to feel frustrated, or like the relationship has changed. She is allowed to not want a child so much in her life. In her life. If she does feel that was she is 100% right to end your relationship, she must take her time and spend it somewhere else. Not to demand you do the same.

She should have ended things, not made demands. She is very selfish and has done something spiteful, this is a huge red flag for any single parent to see in a partner. Even if she retracts her words, the want is there and you need to end things as she's made it clear she doesnt see a future with your son in your family.

OneStepSideways · 02/03/2019 07:22

Has she bonded with your son yet? What have you done to help them bond? She's being very unreasonable to ask you to cut back the time, but jealousy is a very natural feeling. If she only has 1in4 weekends alone with you, that's a big change. 3 year olds can be exhausting and hard work. Caring for one who is not yours, when you've been at work all week, must be very hard. Does she have any experience with kids or is it all new to her?

bengalcat · 02/03/2019 07:27

Plenty more fish in the sea - find a new GF - the time with your child has to come first - anyone who is in a relationship with someone who has children or pets for that matter has to understand and accept that

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