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Original poster

To expect my girlfriend to be less angry about my son

207 replies

niceguyjames82 · 01/03/2019 19:58

Hello all, my first ever thread-
My gf and I have been with eachother the past 2 years. I have a son from another relationship who’s 3. I fought for him through court for about and year and got 3/4 weekends with him. My partner is quite resentful of the lack of time that we have with eachother. We have all week and every enening ( fri and sat when child is in bed) but I understand that it’s hard. I just really want us to do things together. And make the most of the weekends.
When we got together she knew that I had a son and I was fighting for him. She is a very kind hard working person but I think work stress is now making her take it out on me.,
She’s making me decide to cut down on the time I have with him. Is this fair? I love them both but I can’t just cut down time with my child can I? Help?

OP posts:
Armadillostoes · 01/03/2019 20:38

Agree with all of the others-dump her. No decent person would demand this, or take such a horrible attitude to a toddler. Even if she backs down this time, she doesn't want to be a family with you and your DS. He deserves a LOT better.

SpotlessMind · 01/03/2019 20:39

There’s not a person on earth for whom I would reduce contact time with my son. It sounds like you both have plenty alone time and, whilst it might be frustrating for her to not have carefree weekend time, this is the reality of dating a parent - we make our children, they’re part of us, they have to come first. You see him, what, 6 days a month? You’d really consider dropping this?

If she has outright asked you to reduce contact time I’d feel like she has made the decision about what to do next very easy - move on, she’s not cut out for a boyfriend with a child.

PlinkPlink · 01/03/2019 20:46

Your son and particularly contact with your son are non-negotiable.

He will always come first. Even if you had a child together, that child would come before you both.

She either needs to accept this or move on. Its not fair to guilt you for doing right by your DS.

IHateUncleJamie · 01/03/2019 20:49

She’s making me decide to cut down on the time I have with him.

Then she’s NOT “kind”. At all.

PandaSky · 01/03/2019 20:53

Does she spend time with you and DS together? Or do you only see her when you don't have DS / he's in bed?

MrsPinkCock · 01/03/2019 20:58

Jesus.

My then boyfriend had his 3 DC 13 days out of 14. I was 22 when we met and it was fine. Nights in and the odd babysitter, we still built a great relationship 🤷‍♀️

She is hugely needy and immature if she can’t cope with you seeing your young child 6 days a month FFS. Massive red flags. Run away, and fast.

Is she very young and missing out on going out at the weekend?

RedTartanLass · 01/03/2019 21:03

Dump her

kateandme · 01/03/2019 21:05

no this is what happens when you have a child,especially those early years otherwise what are you having them for.they require almost constant care at that age.what did she think she was signing on for.shes getting together with a man with a three year old she should know what that entails.
do not change to suit her.the child comes first.

Dimsumlosesum · 01/03/2019 21:06

She is not kind. She is not a decent person. Who on earth tries to force a parent into sidelineing their child? Get rid of her, she is not worth more than your son.

Pinkbells · 01/03/2019 21:07

She's being very unfair. You sound like a loving father who fought hard for contact with your son. She should accept and admire that about you, not try to come between you.

livinglavidavillanelle · 01/03/2019 21:08

Absolutely no. Just no.

If she loves you and cares at all for your happiness then she would not ask you for less time with him. You say she's a kind person, but this seems doubtful, sorry.

This situation will only get harder as he gets older.

Put your son first.

Moorfields · 01/03/2019 21:12

Ditch her, she isn't the woman for you. This will become a huge sticking point in your relationship. I would get rid of your girlfriend before you decide to have children together & the situation becomes even more complicated.

LilQueenie · 01/03/2019 21:24

Tell her no. You will soon see another side to her.Then you can dump her sorry ass. I quite believe she could be nasty to your son behind your back given the chance judging by her behaviour so far.

jakscrakers · 01/03/2019 21:29

so hoping this is a flip and its the gf asking what could be the best way to get him to spend less time with his son, hopefully you got your answer if im right

FilthyforFirth · 01/03/2019 21:32

Dump her immediately. You fought so much for what exactly? Come on!

GabsAlot · 01/03/2019 21:34

no-you fought for your visitiation through court ffs surely she was there to see that

sizzledrizz · 01/03/2019 21:35

She sounds awful. Extremely selfish, totally unreasonable.
Dump her.
You'll be glad you did it.

Redken24 · 01/03/2019 21:37

She sounds terrible!
Don't let her cut the time you have fought so hard for. It will not be worth it.

Iloveacurry · 01/03/2019 21:40

She’s not nice. Prioritise your child.

TitsAndTomatoes · 01/03/2019 21:44

I never thought id ever say this....but LTB!

Look how hard you have fought. Your son will see this. He WILL notice this. And later in life, he may well even remember this.
Son comes first. No woman is worth your time unless she understands and encourages you to put your child first.

AwdBovril · 01/03/2019 21:44

She is jealous of a 3 year old, that she was aware of when you got together. She is not worth your time or energy. Dump her & when you are ready, find someone who wants to be part of your family & your life. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Flowers

ScrambledSmegs · 01/03/2019 21:47

Your son comes first. He needs you. She just wants you.

If she was a decent person she wouldn't be asking this of you.

Smileymoon · 01/03/2019 21:49

Don't give up your time with your child. That is precious. You fought for it. It is what will determine your relationship with him. You might not even be with your current gf next year. Don't give up something so important for her. If you have him on the weekends it is a good chance to show her how fun it can having kids. Go to the zoo, farms, kids things that are fun but you wouldn't go to without children. Get her on board with the good times and let her have a bit of time to herself. Or just let her jog on.

lifebegins50 · 01/03/2019 21:50

What is your girlfriend objecting to? Does she have specific concerns ?

I think your gf is in a different life stage to you, doesn't make her a bad person.

I guess you don't have a good relationship with your sons mum as flexibility on both sides is best for your son, and eow and 1 night a week would work best longterm.

VelvetPineapple · 01/03/2019 21:55

I’m going to buck the trend and not blame the girlfriend. You just have different wants and needs. That doesn’t make her a bad person and it doesn’t make you selfish. You’re just incompatible. You need to spend weekends with your son - she wants more couple time and more freedom. It’s ok to be incompatible. What’s not ok is to ask you to reduce contact. She should just accept that you can’t meet her needs and walk away. If she won’t end the relationship then you must.