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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really disappointed on behalf of my daughter

216 replies

vinnipokh · 26/02/2019 03:59

First post and a bit long but feeling really hacked off with parents at school. My dd is in yr5. At the start of yr 6 they take them on a residential trip for 5 days. The cost if this is about £450. A lot of money for some, but most people in the school are in work and you know it's coming so you can save up. We had to let the school know last year for rough numbers and so they could see if the trip was viable. After they got rough numbers we had the itinerary and deposit was to be paid by end Jan.

They had 9 kids paying deposits. The school was v. calm and extended the deadline, a few more signed up. Still not enough to make the trip viable. School renegotiated the trip and cut a day, to make it cheaper with new deadline of end of half term.

We had an email last night, saying they still haven't got enough kids so the trip won't go ahead. My dd will be so disappointed. She was really looking forward to travelling with classmates and staying in a hotel with them. My ds did this 2yrs ago and had a brilliant time.

A quick chat with some of the parents revealed that there seems to be various weak reasons for not going like, "so and so isn't going so my lo won't go" or "I am worried about the food" or "terrorism". I am so p***d off about the apathy on the parents part that all the kids are now not having a residential trip. AIBU?

OP posts:
malificent7 · 26/02/2019 04:05

Tbh yabvu...it's very expensive. Just because people are in work does not mean they have the spare cash for non essentials.
They have other priorities like food, bills, mortgage and would prefer to put cash towards family holidays if they have any spare.

malificent7 · 26/02/2019 04:06

And part of growing up is learning to deal with dissappointment.

HollyGoLoudly1 · 26/02/2019 04:07

£450 seems a lot to me for the end of primary residential. However YANBU to feel sorry for your daughter missing out. These trips are usually tons of fun and most pupils first time away without their parents, so.important for developing their independence. What a shame.

Monty27 · 26/02/2019 04:08

That's life. Not everyone can afford such things, especially after Christmas and quarterly bills due, and it's just gone half term. Easter holidays aren't too far away either. Real life 🙃

ColeHawlins · 26/02/2019 04:08

What makes you think it's "apathy"? Sounds like tight budgets TBH.

malificent7 · 26/02/2019 04:09

The school should have gone for a cheaper alternative. Dds was half that price ( but i couldnt afford even that so grandparents helped out .)

brookshelley · 26/02/2019 04:10

People rarely want to admit that they can't afford something, so they've come up with other excuses. That's a very expensive trip.

Bbb666 · 26/02/2019 04:11

Perhaps people didn't want to admit it washed too much money for them?

Intohellbutstayingstrong · 26/02/2019 04:19

Yes YABVU
£450 is a lot of money

enidalton · 26/02/2019 04:22

Its a shame. If people saying they were up for it they shudda payed up or said not interested. Really good memories are made on those trips and they are educational too. I view things like this as essentials and think they're important.

Monty27 · 26/02/2019 04:23

You could always raise the stakes financially to enable the smaller group to go. maybe that would mean you could even drop a required member of staff for the numbers. Yaddeedaa Hmm

Margot33 · 26/02/2019 04:23

I think youre being unreasonable. Many parents probably couldn't afford it, but would never tell you that! I know that I couldn't afford that either. Some people actually live, 'hand to mouth'.

expat101 · 26/02/2019 04:28

What about external fund raising as a year group? A nearby local high school has an overseas trip (low socioeconomic area too) each year and those students are rostered onto car washing duties every weekend and are expected to participate. They have yet to had a year not go to the set destination and it covers all the kids in that year group. They do other fund raising as well, but this one targets the greater community and its a win win for all concerned and meets the bulk of their expenses.

RogueV · 26/02/2019 04:29

YABVU
Tough. Some people can’t afford it. Your daughter will get over it.

MrsEricBana · 26/02/2019 04:36

Given that you're talking about 10 year olds I wouldn't say those are weak reasons especially when combined with the cost factor. Sorry but yadbu.

bugaboo218 · 26/02/2019 04:40

YABVU

Yes disappointing for your Daughter, but she is ten she will get over it if you talk to her and do not make it into a big thing.

Many parents probably have tight budgets even if they do work and could not afford the cost of the trip, but would not want to admit that to random strangers at the school gate.

Fund raise get PTA involved if you still want trip to go ahead?

Residential trips are educational, but sadly the cost of the is prohibitive for many.

PCohle · 26/02/2019 04:45

YABU.

Do you expect random parents at the school gate to share their financial woes with you? £450 is a lot of money.

Your daughter will only be disappointed if you've built this up into a huge deal. She's 10 and it's just a school trip - she'll have plenty of other opportunities. What about this trip do you think makes it so worthwhile?

Why not get her involved in an extra-curricular activity like Brownies that has residentials if you think they're so valuable?

user1474894224 · 26/02/2019 04:52

That's a massive amount of money...for some that's the budget of a week's family holiday. Sorry.

Monty27 · 26/02/2019 04:54

What about crowdfunding for the poor kids? You could always donate Hmm

FlagranceDirect · 26/02/2019 04:56

I think those weak reasons are made up on the spot because nobody wants to admit they can't afford it. When my children were that age I'd have probably been able to put my hands on £450 for an emergency, but I don't think I could have spent that cash buffer on a 5 day outing for a 10 year old. There'll be plenty more organised holidays in the next few years.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 26/02/2019 05:04

Sorry but YABU. DH and I both work but we wouldn't easily be able to spend £450 on a school trip. Why does it cost so much? DS has gone on a residential with his school the last 2 years, and that costs £150 for 4 days. £450 seems extortionate.

BoomBoomsCousin · 26/02/2019 05:31

It's a real shame your DD was looking forward to it and is now disappointed. YANBU to be upset about that. But YABU to expect other people to pay for something they don't want to in order for your DD to have an experience you want her to have. It's nobody else's responsibility to fill out the numbers so the trip is viable for your DD.

HoraceCope · 26/02/2019 05:36

That is too expensive, for primary Shock
It was £120 for mine, i appreciate that is a few years ago but imagine by now it could be £250 but £450 is far too much.

whiteroseredrose · 26/02/2019 05:44

Yes it would be disappointing if your DS went and she didn't. Not sure about your secondary schools but ours did something similar in year 7 so she may get her turn then.

enidalton · 26/02/2019 05:47

It does seem quite a bit more than most, there'd be no excuse it was halved. I know it won't be a very popular view but if there's people that are literally living hand to mouth then having children probably wasn't the wisest choice.

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