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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really disappointed on behalf of my daughter

216 replies

vinnipokh · 26/02/2019 03:59

First post and a bit long but feeling really hacked off with parents at school. My dd is in yr5. At the start of yr 6 they take them on a residential trip for 5 days. The cost if this is about £450. A lot of money for some, but most people in the school are in work and you know it's coming so you can save up. We had to let the school know last year for rough numbers and so they could see if the trip was viable. After they got rough numbers we had the itinerary and deposit was to be paid by end Jan.

They had 9 kids paying deposits. The school was v. calm and extended the deadline, a few more signed up. Still not enough to make the trip viable. School renegotiated the trip and cut a day, to make it cheaper with new deadline of end of half term.

We had an email last night, saying they still haven't got enough kids so the trip won't go ahead. My dd will be so disappointed. She was really looking forward to travelling with classmates and staying in a hotel with them. My ds did this 2yrs ago and had a brilliant time.

A quick chat with some of the parents revealed that there seems to be various weak reasons for not going like, "so and so isn't going so my lo won't go" or "I am worried about the food" or "terrorism". I am so p***d off about the apathy on the parents part that all the kids are now not having a residential trip. AIBU?

OP posts:
PBo83 · 26/02/2019 13:10

My wife and I both work and get by OK but certainly don't have much 'spare' money. We normally hunt around for bargains when it comes to family holidays.

My step-daughter's school (year 7) recently announced they were doing an activity trip to France next year (watersports and all that type of stuff). It's about £600.

Why? I'm all for educational trips buy why are school organising stuff for kids which parents would probably love to do themselves but can't afford it and then burdening them with the dilemma of disappointed child vs huge expense.

Annoyingly my wife had already, pretty much, agreed to it before I even became aware of it. I would have agreed to a trip with some educational value but this just sounds like an expensive holiday with their friends.

JumpOrBePushed · 26/02/2019 13:58

It’s a lot of money.

It’s disappointing for your DD that not enough of the parents who expressed interest have gone on to pay the deposit, but they’ll have their reasons.

Some of them may have initially expressed interest and then on further consideration decided they couldn’t justify the cost. Maybe there were unexpected financial problems. Maybe they decided cutting back for a school trip wasn’t worth it. Maybe their kids seemed keen at first but changed their minds.

Given the cost, I know I’d want to feel very sure that my DC would enjoy such a trip before paying out. Something like my DC being reluctant because their best friend wasn’t going might well be enough to tip the balance towards not going.

And also, in this scenario, how open I was with another parent about our reasons for not sending DC would depend on how friendly I was with them. For example, I wouldn’t be likely to start talking about recent financial trouble to a parent I’m normally just on nodding terms with, I’d be making up some excuse which probably would sound like a weak reason.

azulmariposa · 26/02/2019 20:31

£450 for a few days away with school or £450 for a family holiday? I know what I'd choose!
DD school have a yr 4 trip that's around £100 for two nights. The yr 6 one is approx £500 for five nights.
I'm not sending her on either. I think it's a hell of a lot of money for most families, and the excuses are probably cause people don't want to admit that they can't afford it.

azulmariposa · 26/02/2019 20:37

Actually it's £170 for two nights! Even more than I thought! Shock

Yesicancancan · 26/02/2019 20:41

Yabu. It’s a lot of money and parents probably would prefer to do this with their children instead of a school jolly. She has plenty of time to go away with friends, get over it and organise your own little outing with the other pissed off parents.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 26/02/2019 20:45

£600 for a week in France with activities sounds reasonable. Is it at a PGL centre? They are good if you can find the money.

Fiveredbricks · 26/02/2019 20:54

£450 for an end of juniors residential?! Are you for real? Year 9 Ski Trips to the Alps are barely that much.

Fiveredbricks · 26/02/2019 21:00

@budgiegirl I just took my son off the waiting list only 2 weeks ago because frankly the organisation is a shambles, and needs to hang it's head over the amount of abuse scandals that are coming to light and will no doubt carry on surfacing over the next few decades. It's bloody grim.

Most I know have also done the same recently or it's why some friends haven't signed up in the first place.

GnomeDePlume · 26/02/2019 21:40

@bethy15 I wonder if there is also a niggling concern about school trips. Nobody wants to voice it but I would think it is in the back of a lot of parents' minds. 'Will my child be safe?'

icanbewhatiwant · 27/02/2019 17:27

Our school does one. But I don’t think there’s an option to opt out. They all go and meet up with all the kids from other schools as they all feed into one secondary.
Ours is cheaper though.

FastLane46 · 27/02/2019 17:51

I'm a working single parent and I couldn't afford that much on a school trip.
OP you sound very entitled if you ask me, what you call 'weak excuses' sounds more like people not wanting to admit they can't afford the trip.
I'd just say no outright to paying that much on a few days away

icannotremember · 27/02/2019 17:58

A quick chat with some of the parents revealed that there seems to be various weak reasons for not going

Perhaps these "weak" reasons were given by parents who don't particularly want to tell you that they can't afford it? I work, dh works, I simply could not spend £450 on one child's residential trip. It's no good you saying that they had ages to save for it. When money is tight an overprices school trip is never going to be a priority.

Positivelypractical · 27/02/2019 17:58

I am being asked to pay around £100 and this is fine, but we both work and £450 would be a considerable stretch, especially at the wrong time.

chillpizza · 27/02/2019 18:00

My child isn’t doing the yr6 residential because it’s in London. I don’t like the place and don’t think it’s a safe place. Frankly couldn’t care if the residential goes ahead or not I can’t think of any of the yr6 who are going that’s parents I talk to either.

Designerenvy · 27/02/2019 18:10

I know I couldn't afford €450 at the moment for one of my Dc's to go on a school trip. We aren't badly off, ( and far from well off) but we have so many big, unexpected( essential) expenses since Christmas, that we just couldn't stretch to it. However, if I was the school gate, I wouldn't say that and I'd come up with a lame excuse too.
Not everything is as it seems sometimes .
Your DD will be fine, do something fun with her instead and although you're disappointed for her, it'll be a good learning curve for her .

TriciaH87 · 27/02/2019 18:14

My kids school residential at 130 for 2 nights sounded expensive and i begrudged it. Frankly the price is far too high. I would rather keep my child off and go away as a family for that or at least put it towards. Personally i feel these trips are wrong as they are for fun. Why can school take my child on a holiday in term time and yet i cannot. Many parents feel the same.

Littlenic73 · 27/02/2019 18:17

£450 seems like an awful lot of money for a year 6 trip, even if you are working. My daughter's year 6 trip last year was £200 for 4 days, 3 nights at PGL and I thought that was quite pricey, even though we are both working and everyone went. Our school had a monthly payment plan at about £30 a month for several months.
Maybe the school could look at some cheaper options, a residential experience is great in year 6 but it could be simpler, such as camping at a local activity centre. The year 6s the year before went to PGL but also fundraised (cake sales etc) to do lots of class bonding activities, such as trips to the beach, night walks, sleepovers in a parents garden or a scout/ guide campsite. These were all organized by a group of keen parents. I thought about doing something similar for my DDs class but the parent support wasn't there and I didn't have the time or inclination to do it all myself. Maybe if you have the support you could do something similar.

Mumoflove · 27/02/2019 18:21

That’s a pity!! Try to suggest something cheaper and maybe shorter, one night even. There are options , explore them and make it happen for the sake of the kids.

ToftyAC · 27/02/2019 18:28

We would not be able to afford £450. Most parents I know couldn’t. So sorry OP, yes you are bvu- it’s a LOT of money.

slashlover · 27/02/2019 18:32

OP have you suggested bag packing/sponsored silences/cake sale/etc. to try and raise some money?

cjpark · 27/02/2019 18:33

my DD going on a 4 night YR5 residential this year. It was meant to cost £250 but due to a few children not going theist is now £300. If it goes up anymore, i will withdraw DD. My older DC also have residential at £250 a pop - its ridiculous!

iolaus · 27/02/2019 18:34

We've just come back from Poland and that was over half the cost for the 6 of us to go there for 3 nights (4 days) - so no I wouldn't have paid that for the kids to do a residential trip for 5 days (and except for the youngest who isn't old enough) each of mine have done both Llangrannog and Glanllyn in late junior/early comp and not paid near that amount (if you are in Wales you will know both of them as standard school away trips - little embarrassed that when my daughter was there they mentioned that once someone broke their teachers leg with one of the quad bikes - and I had to confess it was when I was there (not me one of my friends)

nancyclancy123 · 27/02/2019 18:35

£450 is extortionate for a residential trip, I’m not surprised that it was cancelled. Maybe the school will now realise that it’s too expensive and organise something cheaper for next year?!

EnolaAlone · 27/02/2019 18:39

The year 4 residential for my DS was £180, the year 6 one is £210. This is for 3 days at PGL. I think even that's expensive enough for a state primary to charge.

jwpetal · 27/02/2019 18:41

My daughters are in year 4 and we are already trying to save for a school trip in year 5 and year 6. That will be at least £1400 for us over the 2 years for twins. I tried to get the school to allow fundraisers and they refused. I think school trips are fine, but could do without them. My kids are active in the cubs and going away is not new. We are lucky as we started to save last year. Many parents need more than 6months to save that amount of money even if they want their children to go.

Personally, my son went last year and though he had a good time. He did nothing new as he is a scout.