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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really disappointed on behalf of my daughter

216 replies

vinnipokh · 26/02/2019 03:59

First post and a bit long but feeling really hacked off with parents at school. My dd is in yr5. At the start of yr 6 they take them on a residential trip for 5 days. The cost if this is about £450. A lot of money for some, but most people in the school are in work and you know it's coming so you can save up. We had to let the school know last year for rough numbers and so they could see if the trip was viable. After they got rough numbers we had the itinerary and deposit was to be paid by end Jan.

They had 9 kids paying deposits. The school was v. calm and extended the deadline, a few more signed up. Still not enough to make the trip viable. School renegotiated the trip and cut a day, to make it cheaper with new deadline of end of half term.

We had an email last night, saying they still haven't got enough kids so the trip won't go ahead. My dd will be so disappointed. She was really looking forward to travelling with classmates and staying in a hotel with them. My ds did this 2yrs ago and had a brilliant time.

A quick chat with some of the parents revealed that there seems to be various weak reasons for not going like, "so and so isn't going so my lo won't go" or "I am worried about the food" or "terrorism". I am so p***d off about the apathy on the parents part that all the kids are now not having a residential trip. AIBU?

OP posts:
QueenArnica · 26/02/2019 07:23

I think you’re getting a bit of a hard time on here OP. Yes £450 IS a large sum but people were asked to say yes or no, knowing this was the amount, so that school could ascertain rough numbers. If people couldn’t afford it they shouldn’t have put their name down.

OP I understand that you’re disappointed for your dd, hope the school manage to come up with an alternative to suit everyone. Smile

cantfindname · 26/02/2019 07:29

Ridiculous amount of money for a school trip and so unfair on the children whose parents genuinely cannot afford it.

Let the school take them camping for a weekend, they would love it and it would be far more do-able in price.

namechange01Z · 26/02/2019 07:29

my dd is in yr 10. She was lucky enough to have done trips when she was in the lower years as we have found secondary school trips much more expensive and hardly anyone goes. We do find we could do a family holiday for the price some of the time!

Original poster
vinnipokh · 26/02/2019 07:29

The school have done this trip ever since my kids have been at the school so it was something that everyone knew was coming and the rough cost of it. My point it, why say you are going to do it ( this must have been more than 35 kids/ parents handing forms in ) and then say baulk at the cost?. I realise that some cannot afford it, but then would have been the time to say not 2 months later. I realise it is a lot of money and it sounds like we have pots of cash sitting about, but it was something in the back of my mind that I was budgeting for. Sounds like I live in the wrong area anyway tho as my ds can go on a selection of trips at his new school all costing over £500! Smile

OP posts:
Teateaandmoretea · 26/02/2019 07:33

If you are really disappointed, get together with those who can afford it and send them to a PGL camp after they finish school for summer.

^^this. My dd went to PGL on her own last summer and is doing so again.

In terms of 420 for center parcs it is possible - we managed it last Christmas for less than that sharing a cabin with another family. The key is to go when you have slightly odd school holidays - so our kids went back after everyone else so it was cheaper.

TheClaws · 26/02/2019 07:36

My kids went to a private school where yearly hugely expensive trips abroad were norm. We were the kind of family who sacrificed a great deal to put our children into this school, so we really couldn’t afford this extra expense on top of the fees like many other families could.

I’d hate to think I was being judged by people like OP - we almost did send one child on a trip, but like OP’s, it was cancelled due to lack of numbers. Not because of us!

hoodiemum · 26/02/2019 07:38

Really disappointing, yes. If the parents can easily afford it (and that's a big 'if' - you really can't assume everyone's got lots of spare just because they're working), then it's very sad that the kids are missing out on this great opportunity to spread their wings a bit. Maybe the school will come up with a cheaper option next year (our school's is way cheaper - in the UK in Jan, so out of season, but loads of fun) but that's too late for your DS. If I were you, I'd sign her up for a summer camp like PGA or Mill on the Brue, so she doesn't miss out on her own adventure. She'll make friends there and have the time of her life.

Janedoe5000 · 26/02/2019 07:40

That is a lot of money.

And that's quite a selfish approach from you. It's really none of your business why people don't want their children to go - regardless of what reasons they give.

And also, who are you to declare these reasons to be weak? They might be very real to the parents of those children.

Your daughter has learnt an important lesson about things not quite going to plan, but I don't think you're setting a good example of sulking, having a strop, and making snide comments about other people who don't want to do / can't do the exact same thing you want to do.

KnitterOfSocks · 26/02/2019 07:44

That is a huge amount of money. My DD's one was £380, so similar cost, but we got 15 months to pay. So they are going in June this year, the deadline to pay is April and we started paying last January. Lots of people paying £20/30 per month. I think nearly 100% are going.

NCforthis2019 · 26/02/2019 07:45

Why not you donate to these kids who can’t afford to go op? Your daughter needs to learn to deal to disappointment and that not everyone can afford such amounts. Maybe the parents thought they could save but then something unexpected happened? Boiler? Car breakdown? Surprise pregnancy? Sudden death in the family?private operation? Think op. Don’t shoot your mouth off before you do. And maybe - they just don’t want to tell you the real reason at the gate, ever heard of over sharing?

StoppinBy · 26/02/2019 07:49

'weak reasons'?.... maybe you could offer to pay for their kids then?

They don't need any reason at all, personally I would actually not pay that much for a school camp even though we could afford it and that is reason enough for me.

Maybe if the school offered a more reasonably priced camp then this issue wouldn't arise, probably best to bring this up rather than focus on your daughter missing out.

bethy15 · 26/02/2019 07:50

A quick chat with some of the parents revealed that there seems to be various weak reasons for not going like, "so and so isn't going so my lo won't go" or "I am worried about the food" or "terrorism". I am so p*d off about the apathy on the parents part that all the kids are now not having a residential trip. AIBU?

They may have responded like that as they didn't want to tell a perfect stranger they couldn't afford it. It's not on them to give you a solid answer as to why their children are not going because your daughter wants to.

You are quite blase about how much it really costs, and the fact people are working does not mean that people have all that much spare cash and perhaps if they did they would put it to something the whole family could enjoy.

downcasteyes · 26/02/2019 07:51

YANBU to be a bit disappointed for your daughter, but YABU to blame other families for not being able to afford it. I think you've had one excellent suggestion on here, which is to make alternative arrangements for the PGL camp. Just because it's not the exact same experience your other child had, doesn't mean it won't be just as good.

grinningcheshirecat · 26/02/2019 07:54

Since you have tge money left over why don't you organize and pay for a day out and a hotel for DC and their friends?

spicygirl26 · 26/02/2019 07:55

Ok so your point about two months ago saying they could afford it.

December 2017 I could have easily said I could have afforded that. Then my car broke down three days after Xmas and needed replacing. Then our landlord sold our house and we had to find six months rent upfront plus moving costs.

Suddenly, we couldn't have found £40, let alone £450.

Circumstances change, and very quickly for some.

TheNoodlesIncident · 26/02/2019 07:57

Ours is £250ish for a five day stay. There is a long notice period for it and payment can be made in instalments, but I can appreciate that this is still out of reach for a lot of parents. There are a few pairs of twins too, that must be ouch.

I'm also wondering why people put their names down for it if it was likely they couldn't go, obviously some people will have had unexpected expenses or losses since that have meant they can't do it after all, but that should be a small minority.

Feel sorry for your DD though, it sucks.

FuerzaAreaUruguay · 26/02/2019 07:59

YABU. I knew we couldn't afford the trip for DD so said no and we're a working family even though it was 'only' £350 because it's not just that, they need spends, clothes for it, etc.

It's A LOT to save.

jamoncrumpets · 26/02/2019 08:02

You don't seem to understand OP. It's a lot of money. People can't afford it.

Whether they knew it was coming or not makes no difference. That amount of money could feed a family of 4 for at least two months.

zingally · 26/02/2019 08:02

That's a lot of money!

I'm a school teacher, and I've seen Yr6s off to week-long residentials in the UK, which cost around 150 per child.

450 IS a lot of money, even for a "working family". That would be a deposit on a whole-family holiday, for instance.

I've got 2-year-old twins, and it would be nearly a grand for both of them! Not a chance, honestly.

Yes, it's a shame for your daughter, but life is full of disappointments. She'll quickly forget about it.

swingofthings · 26/02/2019 08:03

Your DD was really looking fowrad to it, but maybe the other kids not as much? If it was a case of the residential or a more exciting famy holiday (or one at all) maybe the kids preferred the latter.

My kids did enjoy their primary residential trips but both opted of the own that the secondary school trips were not worth the cost and preferred the money was spend on one hiday together. I did too!

TeaforTwoBiscuitOrThree · 26/02/2019 08:03

450quid? Wow, that is a lot of money.

anniehm · 26/02/2019 08:04

That's a really expensive trip, my dd did a year 6 trip and it's was £160 - ok it was 6 years ago but things haven't gone up that much. They went somewhere not too far where they could build campfires and generally get filthy, kids love it!

anniehm · 26/02/2019 08:06

Ps we run self funding choir tours every year and they don't exceed £350 for a full week including everything.

bethy15 · 26/02/2019 08:07

My point it, why say you are going to do it ( this must have been more than 35 kids/ parents handing forms in ) and then say baulk at the cost?. I realise that some cannot afford it, but then would have been the time to say not 2 months later.

They may have had unexpected costs, a new boiler, a car that broke down. Someone may have lost their job or they may have had to have expensive dental work or had to see a private doctor instead.

There are any number of reasons, and they are not anyone's business but theirs.

LL83 · 26/02/2019 08:08

There is a school trip at my dd school in my, I know of it and have done since I was a child but I have no idea of the cost. Just because people know of it doesn't mean they know what the cost will be. I am not worried about saving for dds trip however if it is 450 I will be shocked and need to budget for it.

It's a shame for your dd and whole class, can they find something more affordable?

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