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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is really shitty of this lad.

273 replies

HarrySnotter · 14/02/2019 17:09

DS (15) and his friend (will call him Ben) been pals since nursery school. Done lots of things over the years together, sleepovers, scouts, days out etc. Ben is a very bright lad and can come across as a little 'superior' sometimes but DS always ignored this. His mum and I are good friends and she is absolutely lovely. Ben has been going to a private school since the beginning of Y9, DS is at the local comp so they don't see each other as often now and both boys have always had lots of other friends independently of each other. They chat on Xbox and hang around when they can, though Ben has been rarely available over the last year or so.

His mum and he were due to come round this afternoon and the boys were going into town for a wander, something to eat or whatever 15 year olds do, while I caught up with his mum. My friend arrived on her own full of apologies and said that Ben suddenly felt unwell as he was leaving so has stayed at home. DS a bit disappointed but went off to meet another mate etc and I had a nice afternoon with Ben's mum.

DS has just come home and showed me this message from Ben. 'Hey just to say I prob won't be round anymore, I spend my time with my mates from private school now and you can't really keep up so ...' DS is gutted and said that if he didn't want to hang out anymore then fair enough, he should have just left it rather than making him feel like he's not good enough as a mate anymore.

What a shit thing to do.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 14/02/2019 17:12

I’d forward the message on to his mother and let her deal with it - job done

NoPlaced · 14/02/2019 17:12

I'm sorry, that sounds awful. Your DS seems to have responded wonderfully though- you've done a good job there.

DoingMyBest2010 · 14/02/2019 17:15

I can't really advise, other than tell your son to rise above it. His friend is not a genuine friend, he is better off without him.

outpinked · 14/02/2019 17:16

Yeah it is pretty shitty but he’s a 15 year old boy, they’re not renowned for being the most thoughtful. Your DS will be fine.

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends · 14/02/2019 17:16

That's really shitty and nasty. Your poor boy.

NoPlaced · 14/02/2019 17:19

As an aside, DS1 is also 15 and whenever he has falling outs with friends, I'm always reminded as to how overlooked it is in older boys. You get a lot of "teenage girls can be really bitchy" but people seem to forget that boys can be exactly the same.

Arnoldthecat · 14/02/2019 17:19

nasty..

treenu · 14/02/2019 17:20

Wow! I hope your son realises that it's his friend that can't keep up with being a good person. No need to be so unpleasant.

Hope your son is ok and can see that he is fab without 'friends' like him.

Bowchicawowow · 14/02/2019 17:21

That’s awful. Your poor DS. I hope he doesn’t let this affect his self-esteem in the long term.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 14/02/2019 17:22

Keep up with what? Being a massive snob!? I'd be very interested to see what his mum had to say about that

AryaStarkWolf · 14/02/2019 17:23

You get a lot of "teenage girls can be really bitchy" but people seem to forget that boys can be exactly the same.

This this this!! I point it out everytime and it comes from women just as much as men, drives me insane! Still when I point that out, you get "ah but girls are worse" AAARRRRGGGHHHH

Re the OP - What a nasty thing to do and say. Are you going to mention it to his mom or just forget about it?

AryaStarkWolf · 14/02/2019 17:25

Oh did your son reply or not OP?

Birdsgottafly · 14/02/2019 17:26

I agree it's bad what he has said.

But you and his Mum need to stop forcing the friendship. If he's rarely seen Ben in a year, they aren't friends anymore.

Whereareyouspot · 14/02/2019 17:27

I would send it to giant mum and let her handle him.
And tell your DS he has had a lucky escape. He doesn’t need friends like that

AryaStarkWolf · 14/02/2019 17:27

But you and his Mum need to stop forcing the friendship

It didn't sound like they were?

eponine8 · 14/02/2019 17:28

Sounds like your DS has it all sorted. Off to meet another friend instead and knows exactly how Ben should have behaved. You should be proud OP. Ben’s mum less so!
And I would be tempted to show Ben’s mum the message or at least paraphrase it.

AnnaComnena · 14/02/2019 17:29

Well, that was not a nice thing for Ben to say. But I wonder if he feels the friendship has run its course, and he's trying to let it die a natural death, but his mother won't let it go, and he feels backed into a corner? The last minute illness suggests that Ben didn't really want to come over, that it was all his mum's doing.

AryaStarkWolf · 14/02/2019 17:30

giant mum haha

Ericthesnake · 14/02/2019 17:30

That's interesting that boys can be just as bad as girls. Feel like girls get a bad rap for this.

Yes obviously shitty behaviour. Not taking away from this, do you think you and his Mum might be putting pressure on this friendship. I've noticed some talk with massive pride about their dc staying close friends with a nursery friend (they are inevitably friends with the parents) when very often changing friends a bit is more healthy.

Just an observation though which doesn't take away from this being a snobby nasty thing to do.

Somethingsmellsnice · 14/02/2019 17:31

Do you think it was Ben or maybe one of his friends nicked his phone and sent the message being a nob.

zzzzz · 14/02/2019 17:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wearywithteens · 14/02/2019 17:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

recrudescence · 14/02/2019 17:36

Advice to your son, reply: “Cheerio, Ben!”

And then do not think of again.

niccyb · 14/02/2019 17:37

I would send this to his mum!

NWQM · 14/02/2019 17:38

I'd have to be asking his Mum about it ….did she know he wasn't unwell. I'd struggle with her friendship too if she did and didn't say anything. She had no idea how you son would take it and could have helped you protect him from unnecessary hurt. Neither of them have treated their friends well.