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Original poster

To think this is really shitty of this lad.

273 replies

HarrySnotter · 14/02/2019 17:09

DS (15) and his friend (will call him Ben) been pals since nursery school. Done lots of things over the years together, sleepovers, scouts, days out etc. Ben is a very bright lad and can come across as a little 'superior' sometimes but DS always ignored this. His mum and I are good friends and she is absolutely lovely. Ben has been going to a private school since the beginning of Y9, DS is at the local comp so they don't see each other as often now and both boys have always had lots of other friends independently of each other. They chat on Xbox and hang around when they can, though Ben has been rarely available over the last year or so.

His mum and he were due to come round this afternoon and the boys were going into town for a wander, something to eat or whatever 15 year olds do, while I caught up with his mum. My friend arrived on her own full of apologies and said that Ben suddenly felt unwell as he was leaving so has stayed at home. DS a bit disappointed but went off to meet another mate etc and I had a nice afternoon with Ben's mum.

DS has just come home and showed me this message from Ben. 'Hey just to say I prob won't be round anymore, I spend my time with my mates from private school now and you can't really keep up so ...' DS is gutted and said that if he didn't want to hang out anymore then fair enough, he should have just left it rather than making him feel like he's not good enough as a mate anymore.

What a shit thing to do.

OP posts:
Aragog · 14/02/2019 18:00

Can't keep up with what?? Strange message really - with the money being spent? with the attitude being displayed?

Sounds like your boy is better off out of it, and hanging with his new friends. The other boy doesn't sound very pleasant with his attitude.

ResistanceIsNecessary · 14/02/2019 18:01

What a nasty comment. Hopefully his mum will take the opportunity to tell her son that a private education does not make you better, or superior, to anyone else. Arrogance is an extremely unattractive trait.

Boredboredboredboredbored · 14/02/2019 18:02

Terrible thing to say to your DS. I have a 14 yo Ds and would want to know if he'd said this purely so I could bring him down a peg or two.

Hoppinggreen · 14/02/2019 18:04

That’s horrible
Notb all Private school kids are like that, dd is in Y9 now and still friendly with lots of her friends from Primary that went to The Comps

HeyNannyNanny · 14/02/2019 18:04

Id want to know if a child of mine said something like that. That level of superiority needs to be nipped in the bud.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 14/02/2019 18:06

I had a proud son moment when Ds said" what's the point in your dad having a Porsch, he can't drive it! He's already got a speeding ticket and he's crashed it!!!

Not sure what you found to be proud of in this outburst. Reverse snobbery is as unattractive as snobbery imho

Frankly *Possums8, I'd have been delighted if my child had brought some snotty little sod down to earth like this as well.

ChesterGreySideboard · 14/02/2019 18:09

I wonder if the mother has been pushing the friendship, even though it has run its course, to maintain your friendship.

KaliforniaDreamz · 14/02/2019 18:11

I can't imagine my 15 year old bothering to write out that much in a text.
bit weird. why didn't he just stop hanging out rather than giving a reason?
But as a PP said 15yo kids can be trash.

Ellie56 · 14/02/2019 18:15

What a snotty little toe rag. Why would your son want to keep up with his snobby shallowness anyway? Hmm

PatchworkElmer · 14/02/2019 18:15

Wow. Really nasty.

I probably wouldn’t phone the Mum, but obviously you have a good handle on this situation and should do what you feel is right.

rosinavera · 14/02/2019 18:17

Possums8 I don't see any reverse snobbery in that comment - just plain speaking - brilliant!! :-)

nugget900 · 14/02/2019 18:18

Your sons "friend" is prioritising his other friends over your son. Sometimes friendships fade out. Sometimes people just have to let go. Your son could have a chat with this friend of his and tell him he could lose a friend from this or something along those lines. there will be other opportunities for your son to make new friends, surely.

ReanimatedSGB · 14/02/2019 18:20

TBH both you and your friend need to keep your beaks out. These are teenage boys, neither of them need their mummies whining and wringing their hands and trying to micromanage their friendships.Comfort your own DS if he's sad about it, remind him that friendships change and it's not worth pursuing someone who doesn't want to be friends and is being unkind about it, but don't demand punishment for 'Ben' or try to force the boys to kiss and make up. Let them handle it themselves.

shiningstar2 · 14/02/2019 18:23

Hi op. FWIW I taught in a private school for part of my career. Lots of lovely parents and children...well teenagers ...I was teaching at secondary level. Of course there was some awful ones but I have to say most were lovely. Most parents I knew would be devastated that their being able to give their children great opportunities had resulted in such an attitude and would want to know at once so that they could do something about it. You are doing the right thing informing his parents. If they are amongst the majority I met they will want to quickly deal with such an attitude from their son. If they are amongst the much rarer snobbish ones your son will have lost nothing from the loss of this 'friendship'. Best wishes.

shiningstar2 · 14/02/2019 18:24

were some ...not was ...arhh!!!

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 14/02/2019 18:25

Well I spoke to my friend and she's bloody raging at her DS. Asked me to send her the message, which I have. She said he's getting 'far too up himself' in general and she'll be reminding him that she and her DH work all the hours that God sends to be able to afford for him to go to his school.

She knows that the boys' friendship is over - DS won't entertain contacting Ben at all now, and I agree, but I would definitely want to know if this was my son.

OP posts:
Original poster
HarrySnotter · 14/02/2019 18:25

I felt sorry for her actually, she's nothing like this herself.

OP posts:
Plentyapollo · 14/02/2019 18:25

Explain that some people in life will act, behave, be respected for, accepted for, their perceived superiority... he’s learnt somewhere that he can be dismissive of those he now sees as ‘less than’ his social circle... supercilious little twat that his parents need to get a grip of... Lesson learnt for your boy is that those people that fare best in life are those that can appreciate the worth of everyone

Sarcelle · 14/02/2019 18:26

If she is as lovely as you say she is, she would want to know her son's current mindset. It will only get worse otherwise.

NWQM · 14/02/2019 18:32

So did he lie to her and feign an illness or did she lie to you?

Aridane · 14/02/2019 18:33

Good for you and your friend - glad you spoke with her

saoirse31 · 14/02/2019 18:35

Possibly he's one of the less well off ones in private school and may be being treated like that himself

Racecardriver · 14/02/2019 18:38

Wow, that’s horrid.

kbPOW · 14/02/2019 18:38

It's good that you told her. At least she can deal with the little shit. Hope your son's okay.

foggyuplands · 14/02/2019 18:39

I was wondering if Ben was rather insecure in his position in this new school and therefore rather paranoid about who he mixed with out of school.
It's a nasty message to send but it may come from a lack of security in himself rather than being up himself.
I'd still be hopping if my dc sent that message to anyone.