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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is really shitty of this lad.

273 replies

HarrySnotter · 14/02/2019 17:09

DS (15) and his friend (will call him Ben) been pals since nursery school. Done lots of things over the years together, sleepovers, scouts, days out etc. Ben is a very bright lad and can come across as a little 'superior' sometimes but DS always ignored this. His mum and I are good friends and she is absolutely lovely. Ben has been going to a private school since the beginning of Y9, DS is at the local comp so they don't see each other as often now and both boys have always had lots of other friends independently of each other. They chat on Xbox and hang around when they can, though Ben has been rarely available over the last year or so.

His mum and he were due to come round this afternoon and the boys were going into town for a wander, something to eat or whatever 15 year olds do, while I caught up with his mum. My friend arrived on her own full of apologies and said that Ben suddenly felt unwell as he was leaving so has stayed at home. DS a bit disappointed but went off to meet another mate etc and I had a nice afternoon with Ben's mum.

DS has just come home and showed me this message from Ben. 'Hey just to say I prob won't be round anymore, I spend my time with my mates from private school now and you can't really keep up so ...' DS is gutted and said that if he didn't want to hang out anymore then fair enough, he should have just left it rather than making him feel like he's not good enough as a mate anymore.

What a shit thing to do.

OP posts:
prettypossums · 14/02/2019 17:40

Absolutely agree that teenage boys can be every bit as bitchy and cliquey as girls.

Ericthesnake · 14/02/2019 17:41

Is it possible he's been hacked? Before we all jump on the lad!

Djchickpea · 14/02/2019 17:41

Yes. Shitty

Mixedupmummy · 14/02/2019 17:42

definately send it to his mum. what a horrible toe rag. I went to a private school and had friends who went to the local comp right through. and now as an adult I have a wide social circle. you wouldn't be able to guess what sort of school anyone went to.

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 14/02/2019 17:42

@Birdsgottafly We've never forced the friendship, they arranged today themselves, his mum and I decided afterwards that we'd get together as well. We live about a minute away from each other so there was no forcing necessary.

I'm mad for DS. He hasn't replied and says he's not going to as it's not worth it. I know his mum would be absolutely mortified, she's a genuinely nice woman.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 14/02/2019 17:42

I would send the message to his mother as well.

prettypossums · 14/02/2019 17:42

The boy sounds very insecure to be ‘lording it over’ your ds on the strength of a couple of terms at an Indie. At least he’s shown his true colours, so ds knows to avoid

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 14/02/2019 17:43

Absolutely agree that teenage boys can be every bit as bitchy and cliquey as girls.

Also agree. I work in a school and see it all the time. I just didn't expect it of this lad.

OP posts:
Orchiddingme · 14/02/2019 17:44

I don't think the boy did anything that bad (ok, the bit at the end was mean). He could have just pretended to be ill and ghosted your son, which is how most people finish friendships. I think it's actually fairly courageous of him to actually say- I don't think we will be hanging out together any more and be honest instead of telling white lies all the time. It's clear the friendship was dying off from his side, and I've found a lot of my children's friendships have changed over the years. He didn't want to carry on, he said so, he was a bit mean in how he said it and if he'd just left it at the first half of the message, it would have been a lot nicer.

DorindaLestrange · 14/02/2019 17:48

Not sure who exactly could have sent the message apart from Ben, if he's stayed home on his own after suddenly being taken 'unwell.'

Ben is a shit and your son is well rid.

Everythingmagnolia · 14/02/2019 17:48

Another vote for sending it to his mum - with a note saying yes snobbery is an awful illness I hope he recovers soon

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 14/02/2019 17:50

I'm trying to be kind as some PPs have been with the suggestion he's been hacked BUT...

I think I'd have to fwd that message to Ben's mum and say 'I hope Ben feels better soon.' Which I know it massively passive aggressive, but what a really nasty thing for him to say - and so unnecessary. Friendships drift naturally. What he said was just sneery. Glad your DS won't have to deal with a frenemy like that anymore.

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 14/02/2019 17:50

@Orchiddingme why the need to say anything at all? DS has also had many friendships which have changed over the years (haven't we all?) and hasn't questioned that Ben hasn't been about much recently, he accepted it as one of those things. I will never agree that being deliberately hurtful to someone (anyone) is 'not that bad'. I really think it is and teach my children the opposite.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 14/02/2019 17:51

My Ds had ( still has) a crowd of friends from primary. When they were heading for secondary at the end of year 6 one of the lads went to private. He has always talked about money and how big his house is and who has the most rubbish car out of the group etc. He tried loading it above the others. I remember Ds was about 14 and the kid was telling him that our car was crap and that his dad had a Porche.
I had a proud son moment when Ds said" what's the point in your dad having a Porsch, he can't drive it! He's already got a speeding ticket and he's crashed it!!! I just nodded and said ' good point son!'

Oldraver · 14/02/2019 17:52

I think the only reply to this should be ...Pity your expensive school has taught you no manners.

But silence is best

Doje · 14/02/2019 17:54

I would tell Ben's mum about the message, but in a fairly gentle way.

If my son had sent that message I would want to know.

IShitGlitter · 14/02/2019 17:54

I would be screenshoting that messahe and send to his mum. Thats just so rude I would want to know if my son had sent something like that to a "friend" he sounds like an entitled little shit to me.

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 14/02/2019 17:55

I'm going to ring his mum in a minute. She's a good friend and I KNOW she'd want to know about this.

OP posts:
Wearywithteens · 14/02/2019 17:56

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

CripsSandwiches · 14/02/2019 17:56

I would be horrified if one of my DC had ever sent this message to anyone and would want to know so I could set them straight. Poor DS.

YellowLilies · 14/02/2019 17:57

What a horrible little shit!
That would be my friendship with the mum also down the clanger if that's the kind of child she's brought up!

prettypossums · 14/02/2019 17:57

I had a proud son moment when Ds said" what's the point in your dad having a Porsch, he can't drive it! He's already got a speeding ticket and he's crashed it!!!

Not sure what you found to be proud of in this outburst. Reverse snobbery is as unattractive as snobbery imho

thaegumathteth · 14/02/2019 17:58

I would absolutely want to know if my ds sent this. Stuck up little git. I’d go mad.

kbPOW · 14/02/2019 17:58

I would send her the message first so she knows how bad it is before she has the opportunity to make exuses!

prettypossums · 14/02/2019 17:58

Good luck op, hope your friendship with the boy’s mother survives this!

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