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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is really shitty of this lad.

273 replies

HarrySnotter · 14/02/2019 17:09

DS (15) and his friend (will call him Ben) been pals since nursery school. Done lots of things over the years together, sleepovers, scouts, days out etc. Ben is a very bright lad and can come across as a little 'superior' sometimes but DS always ignored this. His mum and I are good friends and she is absolutely lovely. Ben has been going to a private school since the beginning of Y9, DS is at the local comp so they don't see each other as often now and both boys have always had lots of other friends independently of each other. They chat on Xbox and hang around when they can, though Ben has been rarely available over the last year or so.

His mum and he were due to come round this afternoon and the boys were going into town for a wander, something to eat or whatever 15 year olds do, while I caught up with his mum. My friend arrived on her own full of apologies and said that Ben suddenly felt unwell as he was leaving so has stayed at home. DS a bit disappointed but went off to meet another mate etc and I had a nice afternoon with Ben's mum.

DS has just come home and showed me this message from Ben. 'Hey just to say I prob won't be round anymore, I spend my time with my mates from private school now and you can't really keep up so ...' DS is gutted and said that if he didn't want to hang out anymore then fair enough, he should have just left it rather than making him feel like he's not good enough as a mate anymore.

What a shit thing to do.

OP posts:
wijjjy · 14/02/2019 19:30

It's definitely toe rag.

It's the Dunning-Kruger effect in action.

The more sure someone is of themselves the more ignorance they betray.

www.verywellmind.com/an-overview-of-the-dunning-kruger-effect-4160740

GabsAlot · 14/02/2019 19:30

what a jumped up little twat he'll soon find out who his real friends are

kbPOW · 14/02/2019 19:31

Great link @wijjjy - so apt!

KurriKurri · 14/02/2019 19:33

I think Witchend may have a point - you don;t even have to change the ordinf for it to have a slightly different slant. he might be using 'You' to mean 'one' or 'people in general' as in 'When you have lots of friend in different places you can;t really keep up with them all' so he may have meant himself rather than your DS when he said 'you'.

of course he could equally have beem being mean - i'm just lookin for a more charitable interpretation before the friend is completely written off as nasty (He could still have been more tactful but he might not have been saying ' I don't like you' just 'it's hard to maintain a friendhsip when we go to different schools')

Aeroflotgirl · 14/02/2019 19:35

I feel sorry for this 'friend', clearly he has a lot to learn.

user1457017537 · 14/02/2019 19:40

Karma will sort the little knob out. I also agree that he will say this to the wrong person lol. Many people come from humble beginnings. Watch the little prat make a fool (tool) of himself.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 14/02/2019 19:41

What’s your friend’s DH like? These attitudes are often learned at home. I’ve noticed that all the annoying/nasty kids my kids know seem to have equally annoying/nasty parents. Similarly the lovely kids mostly have lovely parents.

LL83 · 14/02/2019 19:41

If Ben has been a nice boy until now and this is out of character I would guess he is feeling insecure at new school and is acting out. Hopefully he finds a groups of nice kids and feel a more comfortable, before he wastes anymore old friendships.

Awful behaviour though and your son must be hurt. Hopefully he can see this is a reflection on Ben not himelf and not let it bother him too much.

mimibunz · 14/02/2019 19:43

Yeah dude, anyone who peaks at 15 won’t be be keeping up with me as an actual adult.

EveSaidWhat · 14/02/2019 19:45

Parents should never get involved in DC friendship once out of primary school.

I'm cringing for you and your son. You should've just told him to shrug it off and ignore it. He's far too old for mum to be telling tales.

llangennith · 14/02/2019 19:47

Oh for heaven's sake EatSaidWhat button it.

EveSaidWhat · 14/02/2019 19:48

'Oh for heaven's sake EatSaidWhat button it.'

Excuse me?

They are 15 not 5.

otterturk · 14/02/2019 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MorrisZapp · 14/02/2019 19:53

Sorry I'm with otterturk

DHOTYA

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 14/02/2019 19:53

I'm cringing for you and your son. You should've just told him to shrug it off and ignore it. He's far too old for mum to be telling tales.

They are 15 not 5.

This sounds very much like the comments I hear from parents at school when they don't want to get involved in dealing with issues caused by their child. The ones that can't be bothered to actually parent their kids.

OP posts:
MinniesMum1606 · 14/02/2019 19:54

What a snobby little shit Ben is. I agree with most on here about telling his mother, as you said she sounds lovely so will probably be horrified about her son saying this.

To be honest, I think Ben is young and clueless and he may regret saying this in a few years, although this doesn’t help now, but karma will cause him to come back to earth with a huge thud. I wonder if Ben & his private school buddies sit & slag off people that go to state school and this is where Ben has got this ‘I’m better than you idea’? I think his mother should shame him in front of you and your DS, now that would be goodGrin the little shit deserves no less.

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 14/02/2019 19:54

Don't believe for a second

So report me to MN. You too MorrisZapp, go ahead.

OP posts:
EveSaidWhat · 14/02/2019 19:55

'Don't believe for a second'

It is quite extraordinary. If parents took it upon themselves to forward every shit message their teen dc received to the other teen dc parents we'd never be off our phones. Teach them resilience fgs. The time to raise anything with parents is when there are offensive comments, such as racism or homophobia. Get a grip op.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 14/02/2019 19:56

Whilst I agree that parents generally shouldn't get involved with older DC squabbles... OP Is independently friends with Ben's Mum and I think she'd be horrified. I'd send the message to Mum and say no issue If Ben doesn't want to hang out with my son, we are friends, hope it'll stay that way, but thought you ought to know about the conversation

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 14/02/2019 19:57

OK. So I'm a troll now? Thanks to those posters who are normal, sensible parents (i.e. most of you). I'm out.

OP posts:
MinniesMum1606 · 14/02/2019 19:57

@EveSaidWhat teenagers have a right to tell their parents about their problems with friends, what if they’re so worried about something that makes them start pretending to be sick to get the day off? What if they’re being bullied resentlessly and because they haven’t had anyone to speak to about the bullying, then they go and kill themselves?!

I think you’ve made a statement without really thinking about it, no matter you have time to redeem yourself nowGrin

MinniesMum1606 · 14/02/2019 19:58

Relentlessly not resentlessly!! Silly works Confused

EveSaidWhat · 14/02/2019 19:58

'The ones that can't be bothered to actually parent their kids.'

You need perspective op. Ben is rude, some are at 15. Passing the text on to your friend was so ott. What will you do if someone says something horrible to your ds, call the police?

vintanner · 14/02/2019 19:59

He is better off without this poser.

EveSaidWhat · 14/02/2019 20:02

'teenagers have a right to tell their parents about their problems with friends, what if they’re so worried about something '

Of course they do. We listen, reassure. Tell them 'yes that 'friend' sounds a right little shit, just ignore focus on real friends, Ben can get stuffed'.

You don't involve parents for this very minor stuff.