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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my 18yo to pay towards house?

158 replies

moshpitmolly · 07/02/2019 22:58

My daughter decided not to.go to.uni and started an apprenticeship. Sjlhe gets paid just over 200 per week and I have asked her to pay 20 per week towards house/bills etc. I also still pay her phone contract of 38 per month but have said that once it finishes she will need to pay for her own. I paid rent to my parents when I started working. So aibu?

OP posts:
Gomyownway · 07/02/2019 23:06

I don’t think 20 quid contribution towards bills is unreasonable, no.

DramaAlpaca · 07/02/2019 23:07

I think that's a very good deal indeed for your daughter.

BackforGood · 07/02/2019 23:07

I don't think £20 is enough.
I can't believe you are paying her phone contract Shock

Leeds2 · 07/02/2019 23:09

I don't think that is unreasonable. Is she happy with it?

ATBhinchers · 07/02/2019 23:10

Wow I'd be charging 50 per week and she pays her own phone contract!

Original poster
moshpitmolly · 07/02/2019 23:19

No she's not happy about it at all. I don't get it if I don't remind her either and it ends up in an argent every time I bring it up.

I only work part time (I have mental health issues) and have got behind on bills since losing my 25% single person discount on council tax when she turned 18 as well as losing a big chunk of tax credit and part of my child benefit. I worked it out that I'm around 500 per month worse off since she turned 18/started working. I do all her washing, cooking etc, even make her lunch for work. I'm at my wits end with this and it is stopping me sleeping at night.

OP posts:
Applesaregreenandred · 07/02/2019 23:21

My DS is also doing apprenticeship and pays £25 per week towards housekeeping. He is now responsible for paying for his own phone / transport / clothes / social life etc

Yesicancancan · 07/02/2019 23:23

£20 is not unreasonable at all. Ask her set up a dd that way she won’t need reminding and won’t get wound up about it.
I’m fact if the worry of her. Or contributing £20 a week is keeping you up at night, you may need to consider this further, ask yourself why. Is the financial worry? If so, she needs to contribute a bit more. She will discover her friends will also be paying something, if she doesn’t already and it should help her realise you are not being unreasonable.
Stop doing her washing!

Original poster
moshpitmolly · 07/02/2019 23:24

Thanks for that. She even gets paid more than the basic apprenticeship wage but still says 20 is too much. Tonight she asked me what I spend it on when I reminded her that she had not given me any money for four weeks.

OP posts:
Applesaregreenandred · 07/02/2019 23:27

DS pays us by standing order / bank transfer on pay day.

To be honest in your situation I would sit her down, explain money situation and ask for a greater contribution. For us we are better financially as we previously paid DS phone plus he had fairly generous allowance with the odd item of clothing bought him on top of this. We have only lost CB and gained his housekeeping contribution so that's pretty much a swap.

Applesaregreenandred · 07/02/2019 23:30

@moshpitmolly** well next time your DD asks what you spend it on be very clear to her how much it costs to run a household. She needs to start understanding the facts of life as an adult .

SometimesMaybe · 07/02/2019 23:30

Honestly if you are £500 per month down I would be charging her more. Get her to set up a standing order or she leaves. And you stop doing her washing. If she is earning £800 per month I would want to see at least £250 of that. Or she moves out.

HarrietSchulenberg · 07/02/2019 23:33

My 18yo pays me £30 when he gets paid every fortnight, so £60 per month. He gets paid varying amounts from £200-£500 as he works shifts at McDonalds. It's his contribution towards his wifi use and council tax.
He and I are both happy with that.

Hotterthanahotthing · 07/02/2019 23:34

Sit her down with your income before she was 18 and after.Then show her a list of all outgoings.Then charge her a reasonable amount not £20.
Also stop paying her phone contract,doing her washing ,cooking and making her lunch.

StepLadders007 · 07/02/2019 23:37

So you're paying her £18 a month to stay at your house.

How about you do the sensible thing and show her how to be responsible with her for now and for the future.

I would say that she pays her own phone bill and pays £30 a week towards her upkeep....and to be honest that's still really generous.

BackforGood · 07/02/2019 23:42

{I} even make her lunch for work

Hmm I thought you said she was 18, not 6.

Even if she covered the £500 a month you reckon you are worse off, by my reckoning, she'd still have £84 a week just for 'spending money'.

who the heck has £84 a week 'spending money ? Point out to her that you don't.
Blimey, I don't, and dh and I are both pretty senior in long term careers.

meddie · 07/02/2019 23:43

Tell her that you are £500 pound down now and she has 2 options. Pay a contribution towards the household (more than £20) or she will have to move out so you can reclaim your single person council tax (she should at the very minimum be covering that)

flamboyantchorizo · 07/02/2019 23:45

My 18yo is an apprentice - earning quite a bit above the minimum. What I did was charge him for what it costs to keep him - so didn't include things like mortgage & council tax. Just consumable outgoings eg food and a contribution to the utilities. I explained it clearly and he understood that it was fair.

If I were you, I'd list your grocery and utility costs for the month, divide by how many of you there are and explain that this is where you spend the money.

Tbh, I think she is being damn cheeky. If you were asking £100 a week then she'd be right to query why it cost so much but his can she think that she costs less than £20 a week?!

flamboyantchorizo · 07/02/2019 23:46

Just seen you're a single parent - include the 25pc council tax in your calculations then, as that is an outgoings increase because of her presence.

JasperKarat · 07/02/2019 23:48

I'm usually a bit 🙄 about these threads, people dying DCs should be paying market rent plus bills to their parents as soon as the turn 18, but I think you're being very fair OP £20 isn't much to ask at all especially given that half of that goes on her phone bill! That definitely needs to go over into her name and she needs to grow up and think about the wider picture. What does she think her £20 actually covers? She should be more than willing to pay that amount. Tell her what you've told us, that since she turned 18 you are £500 a month worse off and you're only asking her for £80. She's being very unreasonable

DuffBeer · 07/02/2019 23:49

£200 pw is a very good apprentice rate.

As a minimum she should be paying the 25% increase to the council tax bill, her own phone contract, a contribution for food and bills. 200-300 per month seems more than fair. She would still have a sizeable chunk of disposable income!

ShinyRuby · 07/02/2019 23:50

£20 a week is a very good deal for your dd. She can't expect to live with you for free while earning decent money for her age. A direct debit would help to avoid the arguments & missed payments, tell her it's that or a £30 cash payment every payday. I bet she'll agree to the direct debit! For context, my 1st wages were £27.30 a week (good old 80s YTS) & my mum insisted on taking £12! ----Obviously I'm over it now....kind of.

Lilao · 07/02/2019 23:53

When I left school and my mum was a single parent she worked out what she would lose by me not being in education and said that I would need to pay the difference. I think it worked out approximately £200 per month.

Perhaps explaining that to your daughter would help? Even if you wouldn't consider renting the room out it would be worth her knowing the value of what she has and if she doesn't like it she is free to find alternative accommodation.

MrsMoastyToasty · 07/02/2019 23:53

Considering that a one bedroom apartment in my city would cost between £500 and £950 pcm (depending on the area) she's got it cushy.

Purpleartichoke · 07/02/2019 23:53

If she isn’t in school, I think she should be paying rent. It sounds like you are also still paying for most of her food. If anything I think you are charging too little.