To ask my 18yo to pay towards house?

[moshpitmolly]

My daughter decided not to.go to.uni and started an apprenticeship. Sjlhe gets paid just over 200 per week and I have asked her to pay 20 per week towards house/bills etc. I also still pay her phone contract of 38 per month but have said that once it finishes she will need to pay for her own. I paid rent to my parents when I started working. So aibu?

The government have a set table of what 18 years should contribute to the household (for benefits purposes) it goes up with what they earn at your daughters wage it would be £35 per week

That table is how much the parents housing benefit will be reduced based on the child's income. Not how much the working child should contribute to the running of the house.

This is the time to teach her how to budget. She needs to understand what her bills will be like when she gets her own place. Whether you charge her more rent or not, please take the time to either go over your own budget with her and/or set up a mock budget for her. Have her try putting into savings for a month what she would be paying towards rent, food, phone, utilities, etc. if you weren’t subsidizing her. Right now it sounds like she is covering travel, clothing and the rest is fun money. That isn’t real life. She doesn’t have to be hit with real life all at once since she can live with you. She still needs a glimpse of it though because otherwise that transition is going to hit her hard.

Towand if you rent a house and bills are included then you don’t pay council tax

Many are house shares so all tenants share bills and possibly council tax and many are live in landlord who jyst rent a spare bedroom.

And to everyone with teenagers - ask them if they know what council tax is? Do they know how much the tax is on the house they live in and do they know the ultimate punishment for not paying?

Many young people have no idea its a yearly tax and you can go to prison for non payment.

It’s important that they know it’s a tax and even several late payments can land you with a court hearing and costs before being swiftly passed to bailiff

Once my DS left education he has paid the loss of household income to me to cover household expenses.
Granted that worked out to just over £100 a month (loss of child benefit and 25% council tax discount)
He set up a standing order of £50 per fortnight on his payday to me.

We discussed the changing household finances and what the bills were and came to a mutual arrangement. It did have the caveat that he would be saving money for his future, if he was not saving for the future I would of upped his contribution to the household to represent a more realistic cost of living.

Thank you @ivykaty44

I was an apprentice at 16/17 I got 50/60 a week. I paid £15 a week back then. When I qualified and my wage doubled ( late 90s) I paid £30 a week. I also did a fair bit of household chores too. Never even questioned it I was working and paid my way. I think £20 is fine out of £200 week it's the minimum she should be paying and stop paying any of her bills etc.
Even if you don't need the money it did prepare me for moving out couple of years later, life isn't free!

Thank you @funnyfacestace

She needs a reality check. I would sit her down and go through bills. I would charge £50 a week and make her set up a standing order and transfer the phone contract to her.

She is not learning independence if you are doing all her cooking, washing and making lunch. My sister and I were made to do this from 15 years old and whilst we were not happy about this at the time, I was grateful when I moved out at 18 and could stand on our own two feet. She is an adult now. Time to take responsibility for her own life.

Normally I’m against charging young adult children who live at home rent. My parents didn’t despite being relatively poor. Instead they made it clear that a good portion of my earnings needed to be saved for a deposit on a flat which I did do. I managed to get my deposit together within 5 years of graduating and I’m forever grateful.

However, in your situation, I think she should be paying more and doing much more around the house. You literally can’t afford for her to be there under current circumstances.

Did you have the chat op how’d it go

To be honest, I hear this often via my sons friends. Their mother works part time and has been okay getting child tax credits/child maintenance from ex/child benefit, then as soon as this is lost when child gets to 18, they want the same level of money to continue via dc. How would op manage if teen actually leaves, would the issue with £500 down disappear? Whilst I agree board and keep should be made, kids also shouldn’t be used as a cash cow. Whilst you should expect some money from teen, why not also increase your hours a little bit at work?

She is an earning adult now and needs to learn it is the right thing to do to contribute financially and physically to family life, pay for her own things and also budget/not live above her means.

Switch the phone payment to her now.
Tell her to set up a weekly or monthly DD to pay her digs money (depending on when she gets paid)
You are doing her no favours letting her get used to the level of disposable incoming she currently has with no commitments.

Tell her she is expected to help with housework, whether that is clean the bathrooms, keeping her room clean, helping with supermarket shop, vacuuming, making dinner once/twice a week, laundry etc.

Ideally she should have been expecting this as you would have been working on instilling these values into her over the years, ds(14) already knows once you start working you pay your own way (even if it is only a token amount) and has his age appropriate chores (general keeping tidy, loading/emptying dishwasher, his own room, vacuuming, stripping bedding and putting on to wash, sometimes windows etc).

Has it come as a shock to her so might take a while to sink in and need a bit more discussion or is it just because its actually happening now? (genuinely interested so I'm prepared for same from ds!)

If ds disagrees in the future I might mention rough mortgage is ££, utilities is ££, council tax ££ food ££ etc but there is no way I'd be going through household income/outgoings to justify taking £20 a week, it is only a token payment and does not in any way pay for her costs and she should respect that. Otherwise I'm afraid I'd tell her the same my dad told me (and I as a teenager I obviously hated at the time), if you can find somewhere cheaper then you are free to go.

Bragfest Fri 08-Feb-19 04:52:06

Greenkit 750 is quite a lot to take from her! How is she supposed to save for her own place if she's paying that much? How would you be paying your own rent /bills if she wasn't there?

I have my own house, but have moved out, and in with her, as I have recently split up. This meant her exBF could move out. We split the Rent, Bills and Food down the middle, I am struggling to afford it to.

I had an apprentice a couple of years back earning about £135 pw and her Mum took £65pw in rent. She had bus fare and her own phone to pay on top which left her diddly squat for her own spending.

I thought that was mean - your dd doesn't know she's born!

I’m with livelove all the way on this.

The best thing to do is show her the incomings and outgoings and if that doesn't change her attitude show her the door.

Life is expensive and doesn't come for free and kids should learn that from an early age.

Yes the £500 deficit would go.
-single person council tax

• no phone bill

-lower food bill -lower gas, electric & water.

If DD wants to save for a house then she gets a second job. Bar work is a great choice.
I worked full time during the day then worked Wednesday, Friday & Saturday night.

Great way to save a tonne of money.

Greenkit it’s interesting that brag fest doesn’t want your share reduced so that you can save up for your own place...! 50/50 in a rental is fair do, why should someone pay more

I advertised on sparerooms and found a lovely lodger doing a 12 months work project in the area, she is early 20s
I advertised a fair rent for the room and certainly lower than most
I had several enquiring but a couple wanted a reduced rate due to the fact they weren’t going to be in the house very much... I politely declined there offer and didn’t invite them for a viewing.

It’d be a bit like buying a dress and requesting a discount as the item of clothing is going to be worn infrequently...

I think people who work and live with there parents should pay. When I earned £40 a week as an apprentice (I worked 30 hours too) I had to pay £5 a week plus get my travel to and from college etc.. it set me up in goo stead to be careful with money.

I don't think it matters if the person who's house it is has a lot of money, has no money I think when you kids start work the should contribute. £38 a month phone bill.. my mom would never have paid that much of anything..

My aunty and uncle pays for her sons phone bill, holidays etc and he is 21. I mean there is helping your kids out then taking away there responsibilities

I think Liveloce has a point. Mostly that it's unfair that children from poorer families lose a bigger chunk whilst children from richer families are keeping more of their wages or having their contribution put into savings for them to enable them to get a deposit together. The cycle just perpetuates.

Back in the dark ages, my mum asked for 50% of my earnings while I lived in her home as a working adult. That covered my share of all household expenses and meals and I thought it was a perfectly fair deal. I’ve asked my 24 year old daughter’s opinion, she’s been living independently (entirely her choice) since 17. She thinks 50 % is perfectly reasonable (and that your daughter is having a very easy ride at 10%: “outrageous” FWIW).

I would charge her more. You are down on your benefits for a reason and that is she is expected to contribute towards the bills. I would charge what you are down on in benefits so £500 pcm. That is a great deal if it is covering all her rent, bills and food. On top she appears to be getting a free housekeeper and cook.

If she doesn't like it tell her she can find her own place to live where it will be much more expensive and she will have to do all her own washing, cleaning, cooking and bill paying.

Just read that she asked you what you spend it on! Lol!

She doesn't seem to have any idea if the cost of things if she is making comments like that.

I would put together a budget, detailing all your costs - your rent, food, all household bills etc. And also a breakdown of the drop in your income since she left education. If you are in benefits and getting council tax support or help with rent they will be applying a non dependent deduction for her based on her income which you could also show her. This is the amount they expect her to contribute specifically towards rent and council tax.