To ask my 18yo to pay towards house?

[moshpitmolly]

My daughter decided not to.go to.uni and started an apprenticeship. Sjlhe gets paid just over 200 per week and I have asked her to pay 20 per week towards house/bills etc. I also still pay her phone contract of 38 per month but have said that once it finishes she will need to pay for her own. I paid rent to my parents when I started working. So aibu?

When I was 18 and working I had to pay 90 per month,I moaned about it at the time but I think adults living at home should contribute

You need to talk to her about the financial situation - we have never hid things from our kids, good and bad. She should immediately be paying for her phone and then £20 on top monthly by standing order. She needs to know about how the household budget works for her to manage her own in the future

In the circumstances, at least £300 pm is a fair amount for DD to pay, plus she should save at least £100 pm just so she doesn't get into the habit of blowing every penny she earns. Also she needs to do at least some household chores.

Even after paying for her mobile and travel to work, she will still have quite a lot of spending money, probably more than at any other time in her life unless she gets a very well paid job.

The benefits system now assumes that adult children will contribute towards household expenses, with a suggested reduction of £35 pw in housing benefit, so that's a good starting point, plus you have council tax, food and increased utilities on top.

england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/benefits/housing_benefit_deductions_when_living_with_non-dependants

If she doesn't like it, she can move out and probably pay more than £300 pm for a room in a shared house, with all groceries etc on top. And you can get a lodger who will happily pay you and do their own washing.

Ps at 18 I put washing baskets in their rooms and I stopped making packed lunches at 11!

No you are quite right. In fact by the sounds of it the amount you are asking doesn't realistically cover anything! I'm sure your daughter will be enjoying having her own money and spending it on the things she likes but she must understand the reality of living expenses and responsibility. If you continue to baby her by doing her washing etc then she wont learn how to look after herself.

Be strong, you can do it!!!

Also.. she should definitely be paying for her own phone!!!

When I was an apprentice I only made £200 a fortnight - so £400 a month. And I still contributed to the house. Couldn't cover the single occupancy money because I didn't earn enough but I gave my mum as much as I could.

I also paid via standing order and still do to this day.

If she's earning £200 per week, while (as mentioned) the limit on earnings for council tax apprentice discount is £195, could she request a slight paycut to get under this level and see a net benefit for the household finances?

£40 a week and she pays her own bills and runs her own life. Stop being a pushover.

I do all her washing, cooking etc, even make her lunch for work.

Why would you do that for someone who doesn't care about you. I don't understand it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

This has all come from a failure in your parenting.

She is a brat.

She is no longer your minor child.
She is your equal housemate.
So stop babying her. You created this now you've got to fix it.

She does her own clothes, her own cleaning and that includes the entire house!!
Stop paying g her phone bill!!!

I think you should charge her a hell of a lot more!

Don't fear the person with no power in this argument.

Say to her pay up, suck it up or get out.

She doesn't want to pay that tiny amount.
Then she can go and pay her own rent, own council tax, own water, gas & electric, own TV license....

At 18 I earned 600pcm.. 200 went to my dad for rent.. It included everything except travel and phone.. All food erc Inc. But I cooked it myself as never ate when he and my brother did...
Not once did I ever complain. I knew he lost a lot when I turned 18 and worked. And imo it was much cheaper to live there than a crappy bedsit at 80 pw. With no food etc Inc.

Bore off @Contraceptionismyfriend**

People come on here for advice and help, this woman has NOT failed at parenting she needs a different approach and tactic to educating her daughter about real life, finances and responsibility.

At that age I was living by myself paying rent and bills in a shared house and I only earned £170pw.

Stop making her lunch for her. Get her to contribute to household chores and when her phone contract runs out then she can get a new one and pay herself. She's an adult and needs to act like one.

Can I ask what chores in the house you would expect your 18 year old to do?

I think it's incredibly bad for her to have £180 a week to spend while you're falling into debt. She needs to give you enough money to allow you to cover all costs and have a small amount left over. Otherwise she's learning her wants override others needs.

I paid board, as much as my mum would take, and I did some chores (but that was from when I was young) and it was still a huge culture shock when I moved out and had bills to pay. It took me years to learn how to budget properly and not just spend because I could. I don't have £800 truly disposable income now - I don't know anyone who does. Give her some sense of financial responsibility

She isn't a failure as a parenting but this is a failure in parenting.

It is the parents responsibility to prepare their child for adulthood. This child has reached 18 and is behaving in a ungrateful and disgusting manner.
She needs a reality check.

YANBU, OP, especially in your circumstances. And it would do your DD the world of good to learn some responsibility judging by how you've described her.

And no way should you be doing her laundry or preparing her packed lunches. I hope you're not doing all her washing up as well!

I didn't pay rent as an adult living at home, but I did the lion's share of the housework and the family washing not just my own. (Admittedly there was a tumble dryer so I didn't do any ironing! )

You're doing her no favours babying her in this way.

...and stop making her lunches. She's an adult, she can manage that much herself.

I charge mine £200 a month each and they are happy with that. They buy their own clothes but I buy food and I pay all the bills (they pay their own mobile bills!). If they want any extra food or takeaways they pay for that too. They objected at first but now see it as their contribution to the household and I think they are proud to be contributing and helping out.

£20 would be reasonable if you could afford it but its not reasonable as it's not enough to cover your losses. You need to charge her more.

I paid 1/3 of my income when I turned 18 and my mum lost child benefit and single persons discount on our council tax. I think I paid a couple of hundred pounds a month.

No mobiles back then and we didn't have internet at home either but I bought all my consumables (deodorant, makeup etc). Mum had a supply of shampoo and shower gel I could use and obviously food. I bought my own lunch when at work but I could have made packed lunch (I would have had to have done it myself though).

Mum did my washing but I was expected to do any jobs mum wrote on the notepad if I was home and she was working (so Sat am I would put the washing out, get it in etc). I was expected to strip and re-make my bed and keep my room tidy so mum could hoover it.

I also paid for my travel to/from work. I had loads of money left over, went out lots, ate out lots and travelled by train every other weekend to see my boyfriend.

Basically it taught me to budget and that some things you have to pay for that you don't really want to but that's life. I went to uni and was very successful budgeting my limited money. I was used to not having it all for me.

I don’t understand why so many people I speak to have this problem. It’s common sense, don’t the younger generation have that? (God, I sound old.)

I volunteered a contribution as soon as I was earning and 2 years ago due to renting situations in my area I moved back in with my mum and we argued over how much rent I would pay, as in I wanted to pay her more than she was asking.

I work with apprentices and £200 a week is a very good starting point! My first apprenticeship was barely half that. £20 a week is nothing. It’s really sad she doesn’t want to help you out even a little bit when you clearly do so much for her.

Your DD questioned you as to what you had spent it all on?