To ask my 18yo to pay towards house?

[moshpitmolly]

My daughter decided not to.go to.uni and started an apprenticeship. Sjlhe gets paid just over 200 per week and I have asked her to pay 20 per week towards house/bills etc. I also still pay her phone contract of 38 per month but have said that once it finishes she will need to pay for her own. I paid rent to my parents when I started working. So aibu?

I would just recommend [moneysavingexpert.com] for info on all the expenses of running a household because it’s easy to forget something such as tv licence because that still a couple of quid a week.

I hope you got/get somewhere with her, my friends DS has just started an apprenticeship on the same of level money your DD is on and he is paying about the same but pays his own phone contract. He also had a job in sixth form and did work full time in a regular job from last July till a couple of weeks ago when his apprenticeship started and saved enough to have driving lessons and buy and tax a car.

But it's not £20 a week is it? It's minus £18 a week for the OP. Because she's paying her DDs mobile phone bill.

Catsoncatnip I dont want the bad old days of super strictness but I do feel a lot of parents worry their dc won’t like them. I get that but sometimes you have to do things that make them hate you just temporarily. A great case is the I cannot get my child off their gaming console threads that appear with frequency on MN. I game myself so get the love of it. My DS had his Xbox removed when it was interfering with his GCSE revision. He hated me to hell and back for about three weeks.

I didn’t charge my son when he was doing an apprenticeship but I could afford not to but he did pay his own phone, netflicks, clothing, personal items and bought most of his own food.
He is now working and earning decent money so he pays a contribution to household expenses. I don’t need his full share so I only charge him what I do need on the understanding that the difference goes in his help to buy isa. He has set up a standing order for that and gives me cash on his pay day. He still pays for everything else, cooks for himself, buys and makes his work lunches and is responsible for his room, changing his bed and will do the heavy jobs around the house. The only thing I do is his washing as it suits me to do full loads and if I am ironing I will do his work gear at the same time.
I want him to be happy to stay here until he is in a position to buy his own place as if he starts renting he will never be able to save enough for a deposit and I am not as yet in a position where I can give him a lump sum to help but I can give him somewhere to live cheaply, save and still be an independent adult.

This is not the fault of the younger generation!
It's the previous generations fault for not bothering to I still decent morals and values.

When i was paying £650 out of £800 in 1990 i sat next to a girl at work who paid £20pw and constantly moaned that her mum bought value brand food! I was so jealous.

Interesting discussion as DS finishes sixth form in the summer and is applying for apprenticeships starting in September.

For context, we won’t lose any money when he leaves school, so it will make no difference to us financially. He currently has a part time job that earns between £350-500 per month. The apprenticeship he really wants pays about £1,000 per month.

We paid for his first year car insurance on the basis that he saves monthly for year two which he is doing and we add his previous pocket money to the savings instead of giving it to him. We also pay about half of his phone bill.

My thought is that we continue as we are until the end of August as that is the end of the school year, then I want to charge him rent of some description even if he still only has the part time job.

We will in most likelihood save this ‘rent’ for him rather than actually use it. But I think it’s important to charge something. I don’t want him to resent it though as we are not sure yet whether we will tell him we’re saving it for him.

Looking at the spare room link posted was very useful, I know now that a room around here is £350-500pcm so would charging him £250 seem reasonable? (Provided he gets the £1k pm job)

I just feel it’s really important that he gets the idea he has to start paying for himself and can no longer just be supported financially but don’t want him to resent us for it.

My ds who has an apprenticeship, has to pay £200 into a help to buy isa in lieu of rent but if I needed that money I'd take all of it with no qualms.

Your DD is now a young adult and you need to treat her as such.

Stop doing all her washing, cooking etc, and she's old enough to make her own lunch!!!

I think £20 a week is not realistic if you're still out of pocket with the council tax and other bills.

You need to sit her down and explain about the household finances. And show her she needs to contribute properly. If she doesn't want to do that she can find herself a bedsit or flatshare (and also explain to her how much that would cost in comparison).

As for asking you what you would spend it on? That's just rude, bratty behaviour.

Time for you to treat her like an adult and stop babying her.

Sod if you don’t need the money then maybe set up a help to buy isa where he can pay the max of £200 pm into it and then give you a nominal sum as a contribution to household expenses.
This was he will be saving to buy a home in the future, free money from the government to add to it and probably a better interest rate than most high street savings accounts.
And a contribution into the house will teach him that whilst you want to help him get established things still need paying for.
I find it is working great with my son and he is getting a great deal of satisfaction seeing his savings grow and looking for areas where he can cut back to add to his savings. He has already stopped smoking as he relished that even at just 2 packs a week it was still an extra £80 per month he could save. So win win without me nagging him not to smoke.

Yes you are being very unreasonable. Sit her down and show her how much you are down and how much her share of food and bills would be. I would say £50 per week would be more realistic.

My dd is at uni and pays me for her food during the holidays as I can't afford to feed her.

On other hand if I could afford to keep her i wouldnt take anything but you're not in that position.

I just feel it’s really important that he gets the idea he has to start paying for himself and can no longer just be supported financially but don’t want him to resent us for it

I feel he first part of that sentence is really important, we are doing our kids a disservice if we let them carry on without paying their way. The second part of the sentence.... surely you would feel you'd gone wrong somewhere if your DC resented you for asking for a minimal amount given you've said he could be in receipt of £1,000 a month?

My DCs all had part time jobs even when in sixth form. At that point, I didn't charge them rent because they were still in education, but they paid for their own phones, entertainment, and even clothes I felt they didn't need but they wanted. They are all mid twenties and older now and know the value of money because they had to budget from a young age and save for the things they wanted.

I worked it out that I'm around 500 per month worse off since she turned 18/started working
She doesn't need to like it but she does need to start paying her way - and picking up after herself as well as sharing the household chores.

Consider what she needs to learn about living as an independent adult and start enforcing that.
If she argues back or refuses then get tough and tell her to move out.
I agree that her 'keep' should be more around the £50 pw range, incl utilities.

She has no clue about what it means to have proper adult responsibilities - and she doesn't even do the basic ones like picking up after herself and making her own lunches.
She's in for a rude awakening.....

I know 18 year olds can be the most self-centred creatures (I have one) but is she for real??? She's earning and living at home. So she pays her way. Stop paying for her phone. Explain to her that she will be giving you 50 a week, or she can move out and you'll rent her room out and make a bit of cash. An afternoon investigating rent costs will put her right.

And stop making her lunch and providing hotel services. She should be doing her own laundry - or taking turns with you on doing combined laundry. And she should be cooking dinner at least once a week.

When I graduated (2002) I got a job that paid £785 after tax. I had to give my DM £350 of it for board /keep, so the rest had to cover food bill to my mum, phone, transport to job and socialising. It was a different time and I had student loan etc to cover, but I think your DD has a pretty nice gig there; it's the real world, tough as it may be to face.

My son is a university student living at home. He pays me £50 a week board and that covers his food and a contribution to household bills. I still do his laundry for him as it's easier and more economical to do everyone's clothes at once. He was happy with that figure.

the easy question to answer - £20 pw is eminently reasonable.

harder - what's the maximum amount that'd be reasonable to ask. dunno.

I think it’s very generous, especially as you’re already paying her mobile bill. She’d be spending a lot more if she had her own place,

£20 sounds too low. £30 to £50 per week would be more fair.

I think it's hard because she will have friends from more comfortable backgrounds whose parents don't need their children to contribute so she'll be comparing herself to that.

But in your situation your DD has a comfortable lifestyle with a high disposable income and you are struggling and getting into debt. She needs to contribute a realistic amount. Sit her down and go through the figures with her.

It's especially unfair if you're in a financial hole and she isn't! My 19-year old pays a quarter of her earnings (excluding tips, which she keeps as pocket money) - it fluctuates between £190 and £220 each month depending on how much she earns, but it's fair and leaves her with plenty to spend on herself, and put away a bit of savings. he knows that she's on a cushy number as living elsewhere would cripple her financially. Your daughter needs to know that it costs money to be an adult.

@zod1ac19

I can't find the link to the spare room website you used. Could you post it please ?

I think I found it!

Spareroom.co.uk

The government have a set table of what 18 years should contribute to the household (for benefits purposes) it goes up with what they earn at your daughters wage it would be £35 per week

Op I wouldn’t complicate things with the tax credits and child benefit, just show your daughter the monthly bills council tax, gas & electric, water, household insurance, rent as these are bills that have to be paid anywhere that she lives. I would also explain at this point that council tax alone is likely to increase by 5% come April and heating bills are having the cap lifted therefore likely to rise by £120 a year on an average bill. Therefore the rent will also increase to pay her share of the bills and increase.

If you rent a room and bills are included does that mean you don't pay council tax?