‘Disgusting’ for pumping in public.

[TopazPearl]

I was recently out for my best friends hen for my first overnight stay without my babyDD.

I’m breast feeding my baby so took my breast pump out with me

@candlestickmakers, nobody said that.

I can't get over the fact people are fine with hen dos waving plastic willies about and squeamish about someone discreetly pumping at a table.
Unless you were waving a light up flag with 'check out me emptying my tits' with your own theme tune and dancing about completely topless at the time I dont see how it's a problem.
The MIL sounds fucking vile.

The only person with a problem is the batshit MIL of the bride to be.

Would anyone have even noticed if she hadn't made an issue of it.

If someone is expressing in public,yes it's a big unusual but so what?

She needs to grow up

So surprised by some of the comments.

I pumped a lot for DC1, bar/restaurant staff were always happy to ice my cool bag filled with milk bags.
Pumped in a spa changing room and had loads of positive comments about how rare it was to see a BF mother, and older people saying they wished they had had pumps so they could have got out a bit.

I thought you meant farting / bottom burp

I would never take a pump out with me, I was ebf my 5 month old when I went Birmingham for the day to watch a comedian, I never took a pump with me and only hand expressed to ease the fullness... but if I did take a pump I would go to the toilet as it’s more of a faff trying to do it sneakily in public.
Their reaction was over the top tho and could have just kept quiet whilst they have their own opinions.
I’m 13 months into breastfeeding still and still don’t own a pump (except a cheapy hand pump for the early days)

Overnight stay though, you’re not likely to get away without expressing for that length. It would be quite attention seeking to go around a bar with boobs like watermelons.

So from this: the mother in laws mother was the one who offered to put my breast pump in her bag for the night

To this: Her mother also decided to pop her head into the room and say she wishes her daughter ‘grabbed me by the throat, not the wrist’ which was just mind boggling

That makes no sense.

I don't think you did anything wrong. I personally wouldn't have pumped in public because I used a hand pump and can't see how I could have done it without having my boobs fully out. I also went on a hen do overnight when my baby was 7 months old and massively underestimated how engorged I'd be and how much relief I would get from the pump. I ended up hand expressing in a nightclub toilet it was really awful. Focus on the supportive friends you have and try to forget the rest.

You did nothing wrong. The attitudes people have for things like this are the reason feeding rates are so low. Good on you OP for doing what you needed to do!

Marlena1 feeding in public and pumping in public are 2 completely different things...
I feed in public don’t care where it is, but I wouldn’t pump in a busy bar when I could go do it in private if I have to pump and dump anyway

Marlena1 feeding in public and pumping in public are 2 completely different things...

Why, though? I can't think of a single genuine reason why they should be, especially if someone is literally pumping under their coat or a scarf.

The only reason I can come up with is that women have fought hard to reclaim breastfeeding in public but we generally don't see pumping in public still. Which simply makes it a matter of awareness and visibility. Which means women SHOULD pump in public if it suits them to do so.

The one thing I think this thread demonstrates is that many people still have really covertly fucked-up ideas of breastfeeding and breastmilk (look how many people in this thread have compared it to bodily waste that poses a genuine infection risk), and while they can no longer overtly express those feelings about breastmilk because public norms are against it, they can express them about pumping.

Marlena1 feeding in public and pumping in public are 2 completely different things

They really aren't. There is no logic to this position. Even if the OP is pumping and dumping, she's still having to pump to keep her supply in working order and guard against blockages. By pumping she is maintaining breastfeeding.

I absolutely don't see why she should feel pressurised into doing this in a grotty toilet. She's doing a good thing for her baby and she deserves better.

If we accept that breasts' primary function is to make milk for babies and that should be facilitated, then it doesn't matter whether there's a baby feeding or a pump attached. It's the same thing.

The one thing I think this thread demonstrates is that many people still have really covertly fucked-up ideas of breastfeeding and breastmilk ... and while they can no longer overtly express those feelings about breastmilk because public norms are against it, they can express them about pumping.

This is absolutely true. It's also in evidence in threads about longer term bfing and there was one recently about a bfing photo.

There are clearly a huge amount of people out there who have been taught that they must accept bfing if there's a small crying baby right there, but will not engage with or support women in other ways they make bfing work for them or seek to normalise it.

And why? Because they can't cope with a pump being used in public?

And these people will always state that they're pro bfing, but if they had more self awareness they'd realise that they actually aren't.

It’s not like she sat on a podium with bright lights singing “look at me, I’m pumping free” (think Sandra Dee theme here ).

She was doing it discreetly under her clothes.

I can’t believe there are people who think this is wrong. Why should she sit in a dirty grotty toilet?

I'm always fascinated by the 'you're just attention-seeking' comments.

What kind of attention did the OP want, exactly?

Public approval for her milk-producing skills? But why would she expect this when breast milk = piss, shit, blood, in the rationale of most 'you're attention-seeking' posters?

Public admiration of her body? Notwithstanding the fact that she wasn't even exposed, why does every physical gesture a female makes have to be construed as done for an audience? Every little action invites scrutiny, so if you don't run off to the toilet to pump then you must WANT people to look at you. You can't just, you know, want/need to express milk whilst continuing your conversation.

A lot of the comments here show that breastfeeding in public is not so much accepted as grudgingly tolerated: there's the baby, and it's obviously hungry, so yes I suppose you may feed him, although if you could swathe yourself in scarves or face the wall that would help. But producing milk without the baby? Revolting, showy, unacceptable.

I cannot understand this logic. Why private? Is it something to be ashamed of? I gave up feeding as I always had to hide away to pump/feed. Looking back I should have been proud of my efforts and ignored any negativity. Good on OP!

I totally agree LuYu.

I think in this case, attention seeking translates as 'using ones breasts in a way that's not explicitly and strongly supported by our misogynistic society.'

So feeding a tiny baby is acceptable because there's been so much public health info drummed into people, but anything else (pumping, feeding older children) is just women getting above themselves/doing it for themselves not the baby/showing off

Pumping is something the public need educated on. I'm shocked at the ignorance on here.

Breastfeed in public.
Pump in public.

Do whatever you need to do, in order to keep your milk supply or in order to feed your little one.

Everyone else can get fucked.

It is a biological function that is not as simple as 'just don't fucking do it because it makes people feel uncomfortable'.

Pathetic when people say it's attention seeking/disgusting/wrong... you're wrong 🙄🙄🙄

You did not ruin the do OP. You covered up, no-one could see anything. You were fine. MIL was totally in the wrong and should have just left the room if she felt sodding uncomfortable. If it were my MIL I would be having serious words.