Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘Disgusting’ for pumping in public.

219 replies

TopazPearl · 04/02/2019 06:12

I was recently out for my best friends hen for my first overnight stay without my babyDD.

I’m breast feeding my baby so took my breast pump out with me

OP posts:
Happygolucky009 · 04/02/2019 06:13

So......

EssentialHummus · 04/02/2019 06:16

Assuming I can guess the end of your post, I don't see pumping the same way as feeding and think you as well as those around you would be more comfortable pumping in a private space. It's not the same as feeding.

FigandVanilla · 04/02/2019 06:18

People are pricks, OP. It wouldn’t bother me to see a woman pumping in public because I don’t go around feeling mortally offended by perfectly reasonable decisions other people make in my presence.

TheNavigator · 04/02/2019 06:19

Pumping in public strikes me as odd - it is certainly not the same as feeding your baby. I breastfed 3 of mine and never pumped & have never seen anyone pump - I would be a bit surprised by the sight I think, but it certainly isn't 'disgusting'.

Original poster
TopazPearl · 04/02/2019 06:19

Oops, posted far too soon.

At about 7pm my breasts were fully engorged so got my pump out and went to take myself to the grotty toilets so sit on my own for 20 minutes.

My best friend told me to stay where I was and express in the bar we were in, I was on a circular table with 7 of my friends at this point and discreetly put the pump under my bra and wrapped my dress around and zipped my pump up with my coat so nothing could be seen.

I pumped for all of 9 minutes before I had a full bottle.

During this time the future MIL of the bride approached one of the friends on the table and said I was being disgusting and bringing shame on the group...

I was absolutely mortified and took myself straight to the toilet and proceeded to avoid her the rest of the night.

This escalated into drunken debates across the whole group and completely ruined the night - in which the mother in law stormed into our bedroom at 11pm and grabbed me by the wrist whilst shouting her head off about who has been ‘talking about her’.

I think the whole thing is completely ridiculous, and I do think she’s fully entitled to her opinion and maybe I should have resigned myself to the toilet but feel this went way way out of control over something so simple..?

OP posts:
FigandVanilla · 04/02/2019 06:20

And the poor bride facing down a MIL like that!

YANBU, she sounds awful.

todayiwin · 04/02/2019 06:23

What the actual fuck is wrong with people.

She was an arsehole. Feel sorry for her.

Poor bride to be with a future MIL like that.

pilates · 04/02/2019 06:27

Could you not have just taken yourself off to the bedroom for ten minutes to express? It sounds like you ruined your bestfriend’s hen do which is a shame.

Cheby · 04/02/2019 06:29

t sounds like you ruined your bestfriend’s hen do which is a shame.

No, it sounds like batshit MIL ruined the hen do, not OP.

EssentialHummus · 04/02/2019 06:29

During this time the future MIL of the bride approached one of the friends on the table and said I was being disgusting and bringing shame on the group...

Totally OTT - I'm sorry it ruined the evening OP.

FigandVanilla · 04/02/2019 06:31

Could you not have just taken yourself off to the bedroom for ten minutes to express?

What bar has a bedroom?

aLilNonnyMouse · 04/02/2019 06:31

Could you not have just taken yourself off to the bedroom for ten minutes to express? It sounds like you ruined your bestfriend’s hen do which is a shame.

Uhh, no, sounds like the MIL ruined the hen do.

Dextrodependant · 04/02/2019 06:32

I breast fed and never pumped in public, it is definitely not the same as feeding the baby. I wouldn't have thought of taking the pump out on an evening out.

Why couldn't you pump before you went put and then hand expressed a little in the toilet just to ease any discomfort.

If you expressed before you went out you could have got away with dumping a bit into a wad of tissue just to ease off during the night.

Having said that the MIL was way OTT and I feel sorry for your friend dealing with her.

JustThePerson · 04/02/2019 06:34

She was rude but I don’t get why you would want to pump in public? I would probably be a bit embarrassed too if someone did it at a table in a bar with me! I’m not trying to be rude at all, just imo it’s not the same as bf. You should have gone somewhere private.

Original poster
TopazPearl · 04/02/2019 06:34

We were out @pilates so no, there was no bedroom to disappear to - just toilets which I was prepared to go to but it was my best friend that told me to stay as she in no way found it offensive and I had my coat to cover up.

Considering she was extremely pro this decision and confronted her MIL straight away - why am I the one that ruined her hen sorry?

I didn’t engage in any confrontation and certainly didn’t get physical with anyone over the decision whilst the mother in law felt that was a reasonable way to settle a disagreement..

OP posts:
Happygolucky009 · 04/02/2019 06:36

Wow sounds like you have a great pump if you can manage to pump so discreetly and with your coat zipped up...... Which one do you use?

I don't think you were disgusting but I would most likely have seen your behaviour as very attention seeking and meh.

Auntiepatricia · 04/02/2019 06:39

If you were well hidden in the corner it wouldn’t have bothered me. MIL sounds like a freaking nightmare!!

Happygolucky009 · 04/02/2019 06:40

"Considering she was extremely pro this decision and confronted her MIL straight away - why am I the one that ruined her hen sorry?"

Has the hen fallen out with you?
Is the hen your bf who encouraged you to remain and pump at the table?

garethsouthgatesmrs · 04/02/2019 06:40

people are shits and prudish about the most ridiculous things, as this thread proves.

I feel sorry for your friend stuck with a mil like that.

I will never forget leaking at a friends hen do. It was mortifying.

people judging you obviously juat dont get it.

flumpybear · 04/02/2019 06:41

Expressing in public is a bit 🙄 there's no need really is there, express before you go out. It's not like you're feeding your baby, you're just removing excess milk to dump it, so you'd need to go to the bathroom and bin it anyway why not just do the whole lot in the bathroom if you insist on expressing whilst out

But yes it was the MIL who ruined it by her going completely OTT

RainbowWaffles · 04/02/2019 06:41

I always thought the whole point about being forced to feed a baby in the toilet was having the poor baby have to go in the toilet to feed. As adults, we are generally used to confining the explusion of our unwanted bodily fluids to a private place, often the toilet when out and about. I think it’s weird to pump in public, although of course fully support actual breast feeding. I would have just gone to the toilet and would find it strange to see you doing it in a bar. Having said that, if you were in my hen party, I would confine this to thoughts in my head and wouldn’t be an utter arse like the MIL. If anyone ruined the hen do she did and I am sorry you had to deal with such appalling behaviour, you absolutely didn’t deserve it.

bluerody · 04/02/2019 06:45

I wouldn't express in public using an electric pump as they are noisy and I'd need a plug socket!

The plastic ones you just attach and they fill up by themselves would be ok and you could definitely be discreet about it.

HumpHumpWhale · 04/02/2019 06:50

The MIL was awful. You did nothing wrong. And HAH to the person who thinks you could have pumped before leaving home and then hand expressed a little and that would have been enough. I'd have had raging mastitis by the morning if I'd tried that. If you can pump a full bottle in 9 minutes by 7pm, hand expressing a little isn't going to cut it.

2019Dancerz · 04/02/2019 06:52

The mistake the OP made was thinking she was among friends.
This older woman grabbed her by the wrist - on what planet is that ok??

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/02/2019 06:53

flumpy
Op was engorged. She probably fed before she went. Do you realise breasts fill regularly, not just once a day? Pumping before she went out would not have been helpful.

Your friends all crowded round you. I think the thing is pumping discreetly is fine. I wouldn’t personally want strangers knowing I was pumping in public. But this wasn’t the case.

Poor bride. How embarrassing for her.