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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘Disgusting’ for pumping in public.

219 replies

TopazPearl · 04/02/2019 06:12

I was recently out for my best friends hen for my first overnight stay without my babyDD.

I’m breast feeding my baby so took my breast pump out with me

OP posts:
AdviceForSister · 05/02/2019 08:02

@Weirdwonders... eating, perspiring, blowing your nose, breathing... all bodily functions. I do hope for the sake of your public decorum that you make sure you do none of these things in public?

LaLoba · 05/02/2019 08:05

Can we try and retain some public decorum?
Oh crap, I think my mother has joined MN. 😳

LaurieMarlow · 05/02/2019 08:09

You weren’t breastfeeding

She essentially is. Even if this particular milk didn't go to the baby, she's maintaining her supply and health so that she can.

The truly depressing thing is not even the ignorance about pumping (which is mind blowing) but the willingness of those who know nothing about pumping to wade in with big opinions about how/where/when the OP should be doing it and bleating about 'decorum'. Hmm

Our bfing rates are shamefully low, reading this thread it's absolutely no wonder, weirdwonder you should be ashamed of yourself for that post.

nutellanom · 05/02/2019 08:21

You didn't do anything wrong.

I would have probably done the same if my friends had encouraged it.

I bet MIL wouldn't have got angry if someone had been sat there drinking a pint of cows milk.

Honestly to have a successful breastfeeding journey you need to stop caring what people like her think, and do what you are most comfortable with.

TadaTralala · 05/02/2019 08:31

The MIL sounds like a MIL from hell. Your poor friend.

stealthbanana · 05/02/2019 09:44

Am surprised people are so down on someone pumping under a coat at a table surrounded by friends. Seems a complete non issue to me. Don’t understand the logic of comparing it to weeing (!). And ofc you can keep milk that you’ve pumped whilst out - breatmilk can keep for ages at room temperature, or a cool bag with an ice block inside will do the job for hours.

Pumping in toilets is grim (I’ve been there - the highlight was pumping and having to listen to 2 girls doing a few lines of coke in the cubicle next to me - different life stages...!). If you can possibly avoid it I would!

Btw I now have the Elvie pump and it is fantastic - game changer in terms of being out and about (not least because it fits nicely in your handbag!).

stealthbanana · 05/02/2019 09:45

Honestly to have a successful breastfeeding journey you need to stop caring what people like her think, and do what you are most comfortable with.

Oh, and this ^^. In spades.

Original poster
TopazPearl · 05/02/2019 10:08

Reading this all back - the support and understanding really outweighs some ignorant comments on this thread. It’s been pretty eye opening!

Whilst I now fully believe I shouldn’t have had to - (@LaurieMarlow thank you! Wish I knew more women who supported women and the struggles of motherhood) - there are clearly still some women in the world who view breastfeeding and expressing as akin to a bowel movement which really is depressing. So maybe I should have asked at the bar if they had a more sanitary location. Whatever the viewpoint, it should never have resorted in a physical altercation.

As people have said, my friend is amazing and her adamancy to protect me was a testament to our friendship. Just a massive shame it was her MIL that had the problem and not just a stranger we could ignore.

OP posts:
CountessVonBoobs · 05/02/2019 10:18

Good for you OP. If anything this thread has made me more determined to normalise expressing (my work think I'm the first person to express at work - I happen to know I'm not - I have educated them on what they need to provide and they've upped their provision though). We clearly still have a long way to go in normalising breastfeeding. Although this:

Can we try and retain some public decorum?

Was unintentionally the funniest thing I've ever read on MN.

hammeringinmyhead · 05/02/2019 10:40

Good lord. I always thought Mumsnet was relatively supportive towards all feeding methods. This is where I learned it's illegal to prevent feeding in a public place which is giving me the confidence to feed my 3 month old baby out and about. Any and all things we can do to give women freedom without having to stop should be encouraged! But y'know, keep telling us we should whip out a sterilised bottle and teat in a toilet cubicle. Hmm

skunkatanka · 05/02/2019 12:14

I'm confused OP. What did you do with the milk after? Presumably you didn't have a handy fridge in which to store it and it sounds like you were away from your baby overnight. If you were pumping and dumping then I'm struggling to see why you couldn't have done that in the toilet.

Amanduh · 05/02/2019 12:19

I think expressing in a busy bar on a hen night is a bit weird, but anyway. She had no righht going mad at you or pulling you by the wrists or going mental. Especially after your friend had told you to do it there!

CountessVonBoobs · 05/02/2019 12:20

The hotel will have had a fridge, skunkatanka. And breastmilk is fine for several hours at room temp.

I don't think OP needs to pump in the bathroom even if she was dumping. No one could even see anything.

skunkatanka · 05/02/2019 12:33

The hotel will have had a fridge
She was in a bar though? Possibly moving from one bar to another? I can't quite picture moving from one bar to another with milk in a bottle and having to keep asking for a fridge.

Fabaunt · 05/02/2019 12:35

It wouldn’t bother me either way but to be honest, pumping is in no way comparable to feeding a baby. I’d be a bit like wtaf if I saw someone whip out a pump in a bar, just like I’d be seeing a man “relieve” himself in a corner of a bar. I wouldn’t be offended cause it doesn’t affect me but I’d definitely think you were an attention seeker

CountessVonBoobs · 05/02/2019 12:38

pumping is in no way comparable to feeding a baby

Why not?

I can't quite picture moving from one bar to another with milk in a bottle and having to keep asking for a fridge.

You wouldn't have to. It would be fine for several hours at room temp before it went in the hotel fridge. Or OP could have had a coolbag with ice pack. Or the bar could have put it in the fridge for her if they weren't barhopping. I've done it dozens of times when I'm at conferences or have to stay away for work.

Firestars · 05/02/2019 12:39

@Fabaunt piss is the same as breast milk?

Attention seeking? Women like you are why breastfeeding rate in the UK are awful.

Thank god there's nobody with your ridiculous opinions where I live.

Women are applauded for bf'ing, pumping etc.

Firestars · 05/02/2019 12:41

An attention seeker for discretely pumping milk?

Wow, men have really done a number on women haven't they? With allies like that, who needs enemies?

Fabaunt · 05/02/2019 12:46

Feeding a child is done because the baby is hungry and there is nothing wrong with feeding a baby, at all. Expressing can be done at any time, before going out and then hand expressing a little while out if you need to, asking at the bar is there anywhere private you could sit while you express? I mean when you give birth and you need to change a pad in your knickers, is it acceptable to whoosh it down where you’re standing and go for it? Doing it in the middle of the bar would come across as attention seeking.

Firestars · 05/02/2019 12:48

You're comparing vaginal blood to breast milk? Nice. HmmConfused

Firestars · 05/02/2019 12:49

Some women's attitude to other is outright creepy and strange.

skunkatanka · 05/02/2019 12:50

I agree Faubant. The two are different. If a baby needs feeding when out then absolutely, feed the baby. However, pumping isn't quite so time critical and if all you're doing is dumping it anyway, and it's more about releasing pressure and avoiding mastitis, then going into a toilet, where you can throw it straight down the loo seems to make more sense.

Fabaunt · 05/02/2019 12:50

It’s really both natural, and something that happens to a woman’s body after giving birth. I don’t think vaginal bleeding is any more shameful than breast milk. They’re both fluid coming naturally from a woman’s body after giving life.

Andtheskyisgrey · 05/02/2019 12:55

I had a hospital style electric double pump. Now if I had got that out in a bar, it would have been attention seeking! I used to strip to the waist most times to be able to pump. And getting stopped at airport security and having to demonstrate what this contraption was to people with whom I had no common language cause much mirth to the colleagues I was travelling with!

Because of my personal experience with pumping, I was struggling to see how it could be done discreetly in a public place, but that is my issue, and from reading this thread it seems my double pump tits out style is not typical 😂

Firestars · 05/02/2019 12:56

God I'm glad I don't live in the UK anymore with weird and spiteful attitudes like some on this thread.

Britain is seen as prudish and anti breastfeeding by most other countries.

Honestly, if I showed my friends this thread they'd be shocked and sad.

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