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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just buy myself an eternity ring?

225 replies

changers5 · 02/02/2019 22:20

I told DP I wanted one after DS was born. Not asking him to buy one but hinted. Then hinted at my birthday - he even asked for my ring size. Got chocolates instead. Just had our anniversary (the day we met - we don't want to get married so celebrate this instead). He forgot.

I told him a few weeks ago that I would love one and he just smiled. I honestly thought he was getting me one.

Our son is 2 months old. Should I just buy myself one? Or is that pathetic?

I've never had a thoughtful gift from DP so not sure why I think I'm getting one now...

OP posts:
LittleRen · 02/02/2019 22:22

Surely buying one for yourself means it isn’t an eternity ring and just another bit of bling?? I got one after our first son was born but if I hadn’t I don’t think I’d ever buy myself one.

Can he afford one?

Original poster
changers5 · 02/02/2019 22:22

I don't feel comfortable just asking him outright as it seems rude...

OP posts:
Highonthehill · 02/02/2019 22:25

Perhaps he is getting once specially made?

Dh knew I wanted one... he helped me choose one on eBay and gave me the money to buy it....

Same for my engagement ring, proposed with a cheaper but lovely decorative ring and then we went out together to find the perfect ring. Still remember all of it and that search.

If he is getting it made it might have been delayed or taken longer than he thought. Or maybe he hasn't found the one yet

newnameforthis7 · 02/02/2019 22:26

Isn't an eternity ring meant for a husband to buy his wife for a milestone anniversary?

Upshot is, I thought it was something a man got for his wife - within a marriage.

I could be wrong. But that's what I have always believed.

LittleRen · 02/02/2019 22:26

Do you want one because of what it symbolises or because you want a ring? Nothing wrong with either by the way.

SweetSummerchild · 02/02/2019 22:27

Buying yourself one makes it a bit meaningless. Other than making a dig at your DP, it serves no purpose. Is this really the issue, or is something else really bugging you?

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2019 22:33

What is your reason for wanting one?

Genuine question btw

Popc0rn · 02/02/2019 22:34

He forgot your anniversary? I would say less of the hints, just tell him you want to go and pick one out together, but would the fact that he forgot your anniversary taint it a little bit if you got one now?

Original poster
changers5 · 02/02/2019 22:35

It's my birthday.

I get him amazing presents. Thoughtful ones, from his daughter too. They're personalised to him and cost a lot of money. I earn less than him and budget for it.

He gets me chocolates. And I have to remind him to book a table and we end up somewhere shit because he's so disorganised.

He's not getting me a ring. I really want one because I want to have it with me when I go back to work. It's not about having a dig. I just really want one. I wouldn't care if it cost £20.

OP posts:
grenadezombie · 02/02/2019 22:36

You are not married though Confused

Original poster
changers5 · 02/02/2019 22:37

@grenadezombie they're typically given on your marriage anniversary or on the birth of your first child.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/02/2019 22:37

But why do you want to have it with you when you go back to work?

Is not getting married really your decision or is it something you've had to settle for?

Original poster
changers5 · 02/02/2019 22:39

@WorraLiberty I don't want marriage. I've never wanted it.

I just want it with me because I'm going back full time and commute so will be away from my son 7:30-18:30 5 days a week until I find something else (I have a 12 month notice period)

OP posts:
FlyingMonkeys · 02/02/2019 22:39

Is it the norm to get a push present where you work? Are you wanting it to show people who ask in the office?

SavoyCabbage · 02/02/2019 22:39

I think it depends why you want it. If you just like that style of ring and you want a ring then buy it.

If it’s about what it means then you can’t railroad someone into a commitment like that.

Birdsgottafly · 02/02/2019 22:39

newnameforthis7, eternity rungs can be bought after the Birth of a child, or milestone anniversary.

It doesn't have to be within the legal partnership of marriage.

They are a commitment ring.

Before the Church took over people did live together first, or had pagan type ceremonies.

Original poster
changers5 · 02/02/2019 22:40

Doesn't matter, I think it would just be something that signified annoyance now. I think PND is making this seem worse than it is. It's draining being a new mum and also feeling so unappreciated.

OP posts:
Original poster
changers5 · 02/02/2019 22:41

@FlyingMonkeys nobody at work ever mentioned it. I just liked the idea.

OP posts:
NeverTwerkNaked · 02/02/2019 22:41

I don’t understand the connection between the ring and going back to work?

Original poster
changers5 · 02/02/2019 22:42

@SavoyCabbage what commitment do you have to have to buy an eternity ring? It's to signify the love of a mother for her child.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 02/02/2019 22:42

OP, I think the time has come to ask him why he hasn't thought to get you one.

Qvc do excellent copies of diamonds, in their diamonique range.

Original poster
changers5 · 02/02/2019 22:43

@NeverTwerkNaked it's just something nice to have with me when I spend long hours away from my son.

OP posts:
TheNextCaroleMiddleton · 02/02/2019 22:43

Tell him you want one or buy one yourself. I’ve done both, first child I made it clear that I wanted an eternity ring to look at when I returned to work from mat leave. Second child, I reasoned that you can’t have 2 eternity rings so I bought myself a ring to symbolise that child. Simple. Set your expectations loud and clear.

NeverTwerkNaked · 02/02/2019 22:44

Why not buy a peace of meaningful jewellery that relates to him then?

Or save the money to reduce

Birdsgottafly · 02/02/2019 22:44

"It's draining being a new mum and also feeling so unappreciated."

Speak to him about that as well.

He should be showing his appreciation of you, especially if you have PND.

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