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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to just buy myself an eternity ring?

225 replies

changers5 · 02/02/2019 22:20

I told DP I wanted one after DS was born. Not asking him to buy one but hinted. Then hinted at my birthday - he even asked for my ring size. Got chocolates instead. Just had our anniversary (the day we met - we don't want to get married so celebrate this instead). He forgot.

I told him a few weeks ago that I would love one and he just smiled. I honestly thought he was getting me one.

Our son is 2 months old. Should I just buy myself one? Or is that pathetic?

I've never had a thoughtful gift from DP so not sure why I think I'm getting one now...

OP posts:

bonniebanks · 03/02/2019 11:40

I get where you are coming from a lot of my friends who had children got a ring/necklace when they had children and I had repeatedly hinted to oh that I would like something special (we weren't married at the time) just to I suppose signify the fact I had had a baby or something 🥴 anyway he didn't get anything then when dad was about 6 months old he went to London for a few days and came back with a Tiffany band ring that I had looked at before I was even pregnant apparently he was always planning on getting me the ring that I loved but he just didn't have the money at the time. Maybe your oh is thinking something similar but maybe he isn't I would give it a wee bit more time. If you can afford a ring and you really want one I would just get one but I understand it's the significance really.

MakeItRain · 03/02/2019 11:58

I don't think it matters what other people think. It matters what you think. Get one if you want one, call it an eternity ring if you want to. To you it will remind you of a special time and your lovely baby.

I wear rings on my wedding ring finger now I'm divorced. I wear a ring that looks like a wedding ring, on a different finger. I don't care what people think. I just liked it! I don't really notice what other people wear either, unless it's eyecatching or especially pretty.

I think a lot of the problem is linked with businesses making money, and getting people to believe they need these pieces of jewellery and they have to symbolise a certain thing and be worn on certain fingers.

Anyone can buy or wear any jewellery and it can symbolise whatever you like. As for people who look down on you because it's not given in the proper way or symbolising the right thing - well they're entitled to their opinion but it doesn't have to affect you one little bit.

I would just get yourself a lovely ring to symbolise the birth of your baby and proudly tell people you've bought it for yourself, for that reason. If anyone starts saying "but it's an eternity ring" I'd just say "yes I know, it's really pretty isn't it and every time I look at it I think of dc". If they push it ("but I thought partners were supposed to get eternity rings") just laugh and say "oh I didn't know there were rules about it, I just loved it"

VWpurse · 03/02/2019 12:01

MakeItRain My sister has always found it hilarious that the church or the shops dictate special fingers for things 😁.

MakeItRain · 03/02/2019 12:06

VWpurse I think I would get on with your sister

Bluntness100 · 03/02/2019 12:19

Op, dO you intend to wear it on your wedding ring finger? Or on your right hand like a dress ring?

I think a lot of the confusion here is an eternity ring is normally between a couple. And signifies what it says on the tin, that you will be together for eternity.

If you see it as something between mother and son, and a gift you wish to buy yourself, and wear on your dress ring finger, then I don't see the harm, unusual but it's just a ring where you've removed the typical meaning from because you like them,

If on the other hand this is about you want to be seen that your partner has made a commitment to you, and you want to wear it on your wedding ring finger, and will hide the fact you bought it, I think I'd probably advise against it, as you'll just feel a bit shit when you look at it.

INeedMoreSleepZzz · 03/02/2019 12:23

Just a thought. Maybe you could buy yourself a mother ring? To symbolise how much you love your little one. There's some lovely ones online. When I split from my ex, I brought myself a ring which was a mother holding a baby. I love it. Shows I'm committed to being a mother. My sister who is married brought a similar one soon after and she wears her on the same finger as her wedding ring.

Huntawaymama · 03/02/2019 12:37

If this is about your partners appreciation of you you need to talk to him properly and him buying you a ring will not show that appreciation, especially if it's forced on him.

However if you want a ring buy yourself one put it on a different finger and don't call it an eternity ring. Just say you wanted to buy yourself something nice after giving birth, there's nothing wrong with that.

I did, my engagement ring is an eternity ring, because I like the style, because I only want to wear one ring and because our commitment has always been there.

After the birth of my last dd (which was near my birthday) I asked my husband for cash for my birthday and I used that and some of my own money to buy a Russian ring necklace as a treat for me engraved with my Dds names and our wedding date. If you want something buy it. You're not a child

Legohell · 03/02/2019 12:45

Bluntness100

It’s a finger. A FINGER! It doesn’t matter! OP can wear it anyway she likes, it’s not against the law, it doesn’t mean anything in other countries or religions, in some places it’s the right hand, in some the middle finger.
🖕👌👉🤞🖕🖖🖖

Legohell · 03/02/2019 12:47

You do know that if you buy yourself a Russian necklace it means you want to divorce and have slept with the same number of men that you have rings on the necklace , don’t you?

Legohell · 03/02/2019 12:48

OK I made that up to prove a point 😂

kindlyplay · 03/02/2019 12:52

lego

The only point you have proved is a huge lack of understanding.

Huntawaymama · 03/02/2019 12:53

😂 point being?

Legohell · 03/02/2019 12:54

kindlyplay

Of what, archaic and retail rituals?

Legohell · 03/02/2019 12:58

Huntawaymama

Point being people are attaching irrational significance to bits of metal and body parts. Fine. The human condition. We need meaning.

But then they are trying to dictate their meanings to others people’s bits of metal and body parts!

As if it’s law!
People are saying “not allowed”!

BertrandRussell · 03/02/2019 12:59

1)There are no “traditions” attached to eternity rings because they were cynically invented by De Beers about 60 years ago.
2) Stop enabling g crap men by saying they don’t get hints, or are crap at buying presents or need things spelled out for rhem

Eliza9917 · 03/02/2019 13:03

If you want it to come from him it sounds like you're going to have to be blunt with him op.

Tell him you want one, pick a few and send him links and tell him to pick from those.

Bluntness100 · 03/02/2019 13:05

I think some people are missing the point, of course she can buy anything she wishes and wear it where ever she pleases, but there is clearly a symbolism here that is important to the op.

I know she has segwayed into this is about her love for her son but the fact it's an eternity ring, she wanted him to buy it, and says she feels worthless and unappreciated tells a different story.

I suspect the op wanted this ring as a symbol of his love and commitment for her, and his appreciation of her, and that she wanted to go back to work and show it off.

Making him buy it, is not the same as him wanting to buy it, and if it is what I suspect then her buying it, would be something she simply did, he wouldn't need to, because it would be about her and her child.

Racecardriver · 03/02/2019 13:06

Traditionally you get an eternity ring on the baby’s first birthday.

VWpurse · 03/02/2019 13:09

Racecardriver Oh. We got DS a sandpit.

kindlyplay · 03/02/2019 13:10

Traditionally you get an eternity ring on the baby’s first birthday.

Oh. We got DS a sandpit.

Comment of the thread

BertrandRussell · 03/02/2019 13:15

“Traditionally you get an eternity ring on the baby’s first birthday.”

No you don’t. Because they haven’t been around long enough to have any meaningful traditions associated with them.

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 03/02/2019 16:38

Bert you sound like a stuck record fgs

newnameforthis7 · 03/02/2019 21:28

Bert may sound like a stuck record, but she is right.

XmasPostmanBos · 03/02/2019 21:35

I think if you mainly wanted your dp to buy it as a thoughtful gift and he didn't then it wouldn't really help to buy it yourself, but if this is really because you wanted a ring to wear that reminds you of your ds then go ahead and buy it.

FlyingGiraffeBox · 03/02/2019 21:56

Buy yourself any nice piece of jewelry you like that will remind you of your baby (ring, bracelet, locket with picture in, whatever you want).

Buy DP a box of chocolates for his next birthday.

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