to just buy myself an eternity ring?

[changers5]

I told DP I wanted one after DS was born. Not asking him to buy one but hinted. Then hinted at my birthday - he even asked for my ring size. Got chocolates instead. Just had our anniversary (the day we met - we don't want to get married so celebrate this instead). He forgot.

I told him a few weeks ago that I would love one and he just smiled. I honestly thought he was getting me one.

Our son is 2 months old. Should I just buy myself one? Or is that pathetic?

I've never had a thoughtful gift from DP so not sure why I think I'm getting one now...

I think, as PP have said, you would do better to buy yourself a piece of jewellery that symbolises your love of your DC rather than a ring which will always remind you that your partner didn't want to buy you the gift you asked for.

And maybe have a think about what good points this man has, and why you are with him. Someone can be hopeless about gift buying and/or unenthusiastic about 'traditional' romantic gestures which involve spending money, but still be a loving, kind, decent partner. Most of the diamonds-and-red-roses-if-you-really-love-her stuff is peddled by companies after your money, anyway, and it's not necessarily unreasonable for someone to reject the whole business if that person shows love and kindness and respect in other ways.

An eternity ring means forever.
Marriage means forever and gives you some legal protection if you have put yourself at risk financially by having a child.
If you want an eternity ring buy one yourself. If you want forever let your DP know.

You've just had a baby and you are (slightly) overthinking but focussing on the wrong forever IMO.
Congratulations on your newborn {flowers]

As the higher earner I would actually put myself at more financial risk if I got married.

FFS. How did a thread about an eternity ring that I want for my own reasons turn in to a thread about marriage.

Marriage has nothing to do with this. It's literally never been an issue in my life. I don't want to get married. Not does DP. End of...

changers5 Some people just have old fashioned ideas I guess!

Marriage isn't an old fashioned idea though?

My husband is rubbish at gifts but will ask what I'd like. If I want a certain piece we'll discuss that's what I'm getting for my Birthday, anniversary, etc. Our money is ours. He is a wonderful partner in every other way so I really don't mind that I don't get the grand gesture or surprise and my tastes are very specific. Buy a piece to celebrate motherhood, you deserve it and when you're ready discuss with your partner how this has made you feel. I have taught my son to treat his gf with respect and that if he listens he'll know the perfect gift to buy. You are forgetting your influence on your child and I know I've taught him well. He has surprised her with small things from cupcakes, champagne and strawberries to Mulberry Bags. He's booked a surprise trip to Rome for her Birthday. For this Christmas my son bought me a Coach bag when he was in NYC. It's much more than I would have expected him to spend on me but what meant more than anything was that he said he wanted me to know how much he appreciated all I've ever done for him. Not a stealth boast but I received a brand new car a year last Christmas but no gift will ever mean more than that bag.

@grenadezombie presuming that a woman automatically puts herself at financial risk when she has a baby, and that you have to be married to have an eternity ring, imo is it pretty old fashioned....

I never made any presumption about finances?

I did (do) think an eternity ring is something given by your husband though, yes. I don't think that's being old fashioned so much as just acknowledging it for what it is.

I don't even wear a ring at all, so I don't place much importance on them anyway.

I'm guessing if your DP wanted to buy you an eternity ring then he'd do so? So it seems a fairly clear reality that he doesn't want to. Not even in the face of your 'hints' is he budging... so why the heck d'you want an eternity ring from a man that doesn't want to give you one?

Buy your own bling to mark the birth of your child if you want but based on all you've said you're pissing up a blind alley by yearning for one from him.

For unmarried people are they not commonly known as promise rings?

Instead of being married the couple promise to love, care, support each other?

Perhaps your DP views the eternity ring the same as others on here that it's only given within a married couple ? So maybe he thinks you want to get married and it's confusing him?

The fact he said he had forgotten and then just smiled when you mentioned it again. If both instances were in the last month or so then I would still be inclined to think he is getting something uniquely made, especially as he asked for your ring size.

Although on the flip side. My dh may not have always agreed to my desires, push present, wedding gift etc but he has still met them as he knew it would make me happy. So if your dp isn't getting you a ring I would be wondering if he is as committed to your relationship as you, in which case you need a heart to heart with him otherwise you will just keep tying yourself in knots

Some men are just shit at hints. My husband is. I have to do the hint and then say ‘that was a hint’ which does detract from it.

OP it sounds like you’re not in a good place. Him not getting you a ring isn’t a sign that he doesn’t love or respect you. Think about all the evidence you have that he DOES love and respect you.

Buy the ring!!! I’m not a jewellery person and I bought myself a ring after a difficult piece of work last year and I love it. I wear it instead of my engagement ring some times because it compliments my wedding ring so well.

I feel for you OP, it’s not about the ring it’s about the commitment and unfortunately you and your DP don’t appear to be on the same page. I think being a mother can make some usually strong women vulnerable and your DP’s seeming lack of appreciation for your feelings must make this seem worse. Talk to your DP about your feelings, if he is good in other ways he might be mortified when he realises how you feel.

I'm not sure why you're getting annoyed with posters bringing up marriage- surely eternity rings and marriage have similar aspects.

Eternity rings are a marketing exercise. A very effective one, seeing how upset people are getting about them.

But all this stuff about not being “allowed” to have one if you’re not married is such utter bollocks. The OP would like one, her dp knows she would like one. Assuming they can afford it he’s being an arse not to get her one. And men are perfectly capable of picking up hints/doing nice things/being kind/buying nice presents.. If you think they aren’t then I suggest you might have picked a dud.

I have a necklace with my child's name on it that I got for my first mother's day because I told DH exactly what I wanted and showed him the website. I wanted it as a constant reminder of DD when I went back to work.

Buy yourself one, I would. Doesn’t matter what it’s called in the shop window. If you want one and can afford one, buy one.

Why don't you buy yourself a ring with the birthstone of your baby's birth month. I think a ring to symbolise the love for your baby is a lovely idea. I bought myself a ring when I moved house. I don't think moving house rings are a thing, but I don't care! I still look at it years later and it reminds me of a positive time in my life. I think buy yourself whatever you want to celebrate your baby.

Buy one for yourself, to symbolise your own strength and self reliance, and enjoy it every time you look at it.

FFS. How did a thread about an eternity ring that I want for my own reasons turn in to a thread about marriage.

Errr because you get an eternity ring when you are married and you aren’t! I think if you hadn’t referred to it as an eternity ring and said something like “I want my partner to buy me a ring for having our child” you’d have got much better answers. Wouldn’t a locket with something nice engraved be nice, you could carry a tiny picture with you, or a ring with your baby’s birth stone. It’s not an eternity ring though as it doesn’t symbolise the same thing an eternity ring would.

I haven’t RTTT but I don’t see the eternity ring as a link between you and your son but a link between you and your partner?

How about a mothers ring OP? Just buy it for yourself. There are loads on Etsy if you want something cheap while you save for something nicer. I get it. You want something physical to hold onto while you're away from him. Do it for yourself.

Sometimes husbands / partners / blokes are just a bit shit when it comes to presents / hints.
My hubby has on the whole been quite good at presents (we don't spend a lot but the thought is usually quite good). Having said that, I've also taken to telling him if I want something specific and he the same. I've asked for something specific for next milestone event - it's a bit more money than we'd usually spend on gifts so I'll probably put half towards it, but at least I know it's what I'll want.
Sometimes you do just have to be a bit forthcoming - he probably just doesn't see the importance / relevance and might need it spelling out.

You are your ds’s everything, and your dh might not show it right but I bet you mean the world to him.

When my engagement ring got stolen, the replacement didn’t mean so much, so instead, I planted three roses to represent the stones and so i could look out at it like I used to look at my ring and it symbolises my marriage for me. I mean, they will probably get greenfly and its not that romantic putting manure on them every year but heh. 😁

You are everything to ds. Under appreciated, like many of us, but worth so much. Remember that and value yourself to the sky 🌌. You are amazing.

Should add when I was given my eternity ring I was three weeks away from giving birth to our first DD and at the time we were not married so I don’t buy into the whole “it’s gift from a husband to a wife”

I don't think you need to be married for your DP to buy an eternity ring.
If you buy yourself a ring, then it isn't an eternity ring.
It's a lovely idea to have a ring to celebrate/mark the birth of your baby. If that's what you'd like and DP hasn't got the hint/doesn't want to buy you one then, YANBU to buy one yourself.

I think the chocolate gift and lack of thought are a seperate issue that you need to address. If you aren't feeling valued/loved/appreciated then you need to sit down and talk to DP sooner rather than later. Your lives have just been turned upside down and it does take time to adjust. Bottling up your feelings isn't going to do you any good and if you don't tell him how you feel then he won't know.