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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just buy myself an eternity ring?

225 replies

changers5 · 02/02/2019 22:20

I told DP I wanted one after DS was born. Not asking him to buy one but hinted. Then hinted at my birthday - he even asked for my ring size. Got chocolates instead. Just had our anniversary (the day we met - we don't want to get married so celebrate this instead). He forgot.

I told him a few weeks ago that I would love one and he just smiled. I honestly thought he was getting me one.

Our son is 2 months old. Should I just buy myself one? Or is that pathetic?

I've never had a thoughtful gift from DP so not sure why I think I'm getting one now...

OP posts:
VWpurse · 02/02/2019 22:44

Not pathetic to get it yourself, it’s to commemorate your baby 💜. Not “another piece of bling” 🙄. (Why “another”? Such a weird thing to write!)

Ask him outright if he’s going to get it, if not, you go girl!

NeverTwerkNaked · 02/02/2019 22:44

*to reduce how quickly you need to go back after work?

MrsRyanGosling15 · 02/02/2019 22:44

How can you sleep with someone, have a child with them, but be too 'uncomfortable' to ask for a ring?? Seriously I don't get that.

Butteredghost · 02/02/2019 22:45

I feel a bit differently about it, I think if you want a certain piece of jewellery why not buy it for yourself. Don't worry about whether it will or won't be a "real" eternity ring. It's just a name for jewellery, not a legal definition. Like if you wear a wedding ring but aren't married, the police aren't going to come and take it off you! Also jewellery is really personal and I prefer to pick it out myself.

A compromise would be to say cheerfully but firmly "DH, I'm really looking forward to getting my eternity ring as we discussed, let's go out and look for it today". Then have a fun day out shopping for it and pick it out together.

JennyHolzersGhost · 02/02/2019 22:45

Uh ... eternity rings are traditionally given to celebrate a big anniversary and symbolise the long-standing relationship. They’re not about your love for your child.
If you want to wear one because that’s what it means to you, then go ahead, but it’s not what it usually means.

And it sounds like your OH is pretty thoughtless I’m afraid and I wouldn’t expect that to change. But if you want to try then I think you should broach the subject with him clearly rather than pussyfooting around with hints.

PositiveVibez · 02/02/2019 22:45

Sorry, but I think you're priorities are all wrong. Why should you get an eternity ring from someone who doesn't really want to commit to you?

Yes, buy one for yourself. You will be with yourself forever.

Why don't you want the legal protection of marriage for you and any children?

Original poster
changers5 · 02/02/2019 22:46

@MrsRyanGosling15 because I don't like to ask for things outright. Maybe I need to change that but that is my genuine reason. It seems greedy and ungrateful.

OP posts:
Viewofsaturday · 02/02/2019 22:46

I get it, OP. I don't know why people are so mystified. It's a symbol, and an idea and a thing to have at work while you don't have your baby.

I think you should take him looking for one. Make him pay for it, not you.

NeverTwerkNaked · 02/02/2019 22:46

I bought myself a piece of jewellery (cheapish) to remember my children by. It’s not a crazy idea, but it would make more sense if you just chose it rather than dropping hints

Original poster
changers5 · 02/02/2019 22:47

I'm leaving this thread because I'm upset and in a weird place and I don't think I should've asked in the first place but thanks everyone.

OP posts:
elemenopeee · 02/02/2019 22:47

"It's to signify the love of a mother for her child."

No - they're to signify the union of a marriage for eternity, typically once the first child has been born.

SavoyCabbage · 02/02/2019 22:47

Is it! I thought they were a relationship thing.

Surely, the relationship with your child is for an eternity whether you like it or not!Grin

Sindragosan · 02/02/2019 22:47

Is it maybe worth thinking about a necklace or bracelet with your son's hand or footprints on? I've seen some with fingerprints too, if you want something to remind you of your son.

I always thought eternity rings were 'long service awards' and on 25/30 year anniversaries etc.

VWpurse · 02/02/2019 22:47

“Of course, not all eternity rings are tied specifically to the marriage itself. Another meaning of the ring is used to represent the eternal circle of life. Because of this, an eternity ring is often given to a wife or new mother by her significant other after their first child is born or welcomed into the family.”

www.purelydiamonds.co.uk/blog/2010/07/20/eternity-rings-the-history-and-traditions/

User292494333 · 02/02/2019 22:47

It's to signify the love of a mother for her child.

I have never heard this before. A ‘push present’ is usually a gift from the father to the mother in respect of just having given birth. A sort of thanks and sorry for the broken undercarriage Blush

If you want to mark your child’s birth yourself, go for it. Think of it that way and you won’t feel annoyed with DH when you look at your ring (much)

PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin · 02/02/2019 22:49

I’m guessing considering your set up that you share finances anyway so yes, but yourself a ring as it’s coming from him anyway.

PositiveVibez · 02/02/2019 22:49

I'm leaving this thread because I'm upset and in a weird place and I don't think I should've asked in the first place but thanks everyone.

I am so sorry to hear that OP. I hope it's not just his idea not to get married and something you want too.

elemenopeee · 02/02/2019 22:50

A ring is not going to fix the issue you really have, which is how unappreciative/considerate your DP is.

Popc0rn · 02/02/2019 22:50

I thought eternity rings were a symbol that you'll be together for 'eternity', didn't realise they can also be a symbol of love for your kids, which is a sweet idea too. If you want a ring to remind you of your son, then I don't think it would be pathetic at all to choose and buy your own ring. I'd prefer to do that personally, but I'm very picky!

HollowTalk · 02/02/2019 22:51

I think it's incredibly selfish for him to accept lovely presents but to buy such shit ones.

CurlyTrees · 02/02/2019 22:51

I think you should tell him you are buying one or ask him if he wants to get one with you.

You can do what you want and I understand not everyone wants to get married but a ring on the ring finger symbolises a commitment in our culture. It symbolises you are not single but on a committed relationship. Also it would stop questions from people asking if your a single parents which is understandable as well.

From a long term engaged mother with children Smile and no plans to get married.

JaceLancs · 02/02/2019 22:54

Jewellery is my thing
I have 2 eternity rings one for each DC
Pity my idea of eternity was longer than his
Ex DH left for OW when DC were 4 and 5
Buy a ring yourself
I buy myself jewellery as it gives me pleasure and helps me remember both good times and bad

Missingstreetlife · 02/02/2019 22:54

I think it's fine to buy your own, and out of family money. Most men are not good at hints and suggestions, they need clear guidance about silly things. Some of them don't understand why birthdays etc are important but if you tell him clearly it will make you happy he should want to do it.
Just choose one op and enjoy it.

BeanTownNancy · 02/02/2019 22:54

First off, your partner is not good at gifts. This is something you need to learn to accept and not resent; too many people fall into the trap of "dropping hints" and then being disappointed.

I'm my experience, plenty of couples discuss and buy their engagement ring(s) together, I don't see why this is any different. Just tell him that you want to buy one, have a look around and see what you want and then show him and ask him if you (as a couple) can buy it.

AnneOfCleavage · 02/02/2019 22:54

newnameforthis7, eternity rungs can be bought after the Birth of a child - is this then not a maternity ring lol 😂

I got mine after 10 years of marriage which I thought appropriate. How long have you been with your DP OP? Congratulations on your new baby 👶🏻

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