to just buy myself an eternity ring?

[changers5]

I told DP I wanted one after DS was born. Not asking him to buy one but hinted. Then hinted at my birthday - he even asked for my ring size. Got chocolates instead. Just had our anniversary (the day we met - we don't want to get married so celebrate this instead). He forgot.

I told him a few weeks ago that I would love one and he just smiled. I honestly thought he was getting me one.

Our son is 2 months old. Should I just buy myself one? Or is that pathetic?

I've never had a thoughtful gift from DP so not sure why I think I'm getting one now...

@changers5 a lot of men do not understand hints. You think you've been so obvious but I bet you your husband doesn't even know what an eternity ring is and hasn't considered it.
Don't think of it as greedy, think of it as openly communicating about what would make you happy.

dead. I don't get your point? I know this information.

The point was if it's bought by yourself it's not 'given' so therefore not an eternity ring but simply a ring.

You only served to back that up by posting a definition of it being 'given'

The issue isn't the ring at all - it's that she wants a visible sign of commitment/appreciation from him and he won't make that sign. She wants him to want to buy it.

If it helps those struggling with the concept of this Hallmark holiday of a ring, when De Beers decided to try and make it a thing to get rid of the crappy little diamonds they were forced to purchase from the Soviet Union when trying to control the world’s diamond stocks (it’s political folks) it was the 1960s and it was frowned upon to live together and not be married. Thus the anniversary gift angle.

However these days, the retail industry knowing they’d be laughed out of the high street if they decided only husbands could buy this thing (could a husband buy it for someone else’s wife I wonder? Is that in the fictional ring rules?) they have relaxed a bit...

H Samuel’s for instance says “Mark a special occasion or show your devotion with an elegant diamond eternity ring...” and there’s not a husband in sight.

I agree with Iwannasee

This all sounds quite sad.

bistrotea Never mind. I don’t think you’re going to understand.

Do you think he's worried that if he bought you a ring, and you wore it on your left hand there might be some misunderstanding (even from other people) that you were engaged? Just a thought - makes no odds to me whether you're married or not, but wanting a ring to go back to work with is a little bit suggesting that your looking for some kind of outward sign to others that you are in a committed relationship. Which is fine, as long as you own that and talk to DP about it.

Never mind. I don’t think you’re going to understand.

Well not unless you explain I won't, no.

All you have done is go 'hahahahahhaah' and post a definition that backs up what I said?

How am I meant to pull any sort of understanding from that?

@changers5

I have an eternity ring, not married. DP and I have no interest in marriage. I wanted one though so I said to DP I wanted one for Christmas, please! I gave him a choice of three I liked (not expensive we're not well off) and I got my preferred one which was nice. I like to have it with me on my long days at work too, also out the house for 11 odd hours due to a long commute. I understand where you're coming from. My DP doesn't do hints, if I want something, or need him to do something I have to tell him straight out.

@changers5 I see your dilemma. If you have to keep hinting and asking it makes the ring meaningless anyway because it wasn't given to you of his own volition. Don't buy it yourself. It pisses me off too. My DH just isn't this sort of romantic person when it comes to booking tables or rings etc. He's useless but he provides for us, is a loving dad, manages all the house and car stuff etc so I need to count my blessings. It could be much worse.

I asked my husband for an eternity ring not too long ago. We have been married 10 years this month. He said no. My wedding ring is his symbol of eternal love

He never knows what to buy me for any occasion because i never ask for anything. I hate wasting money. But i wouldnt want one unless he bought it because it meant something to him to.

How bizarre is all this

What is more eternal or ever lasting than your love for your child. I'm sorry your DP is not making you feel appreciated, he's being a dick.

As a pp pointed out when her dh bought her an eternity ring then cheated and left her - a piece of jewellery can only ever be a symbol of the reality behind it. Relationships without marriage can be much more 'eternal' than those with.

Do you think he feels awkward because it’s a ring and a man giving a woman a ring generally symbolises marriage? Would he act differently if you asked for a different piece of jewellery?

I bought myself a ring with both my kids’ birthstones which I love. DH did buy me gifts after I gave birth, but I hate the term “push present”. He bought me something nice to show me that he appreciated all I’d been through, it wasn’t a grabby thing

Surely buying one for yourself means it isn’t an eternity ring

Surely an eternity ring is a style of ring (with a line of stones going either halfway or all the way round it) and anyone could have one if they wanted.

Good grief if the definition of an eternity ring is that it has to be given then aren’t loads of ring actually eternity rings?!

It’s just a style of ring guys. A style. Eternal as in never ending, stones all the way around. 🙄

It’s a style of ring!

agree with Iwannasee, too.
sad but be careful about him being committed to you or not.
and buy yourself some another kind of nice ring that you will like and wear it. i wonder what he will think.

🤦🏼‍♀️ I genuinely feel like half the advice on here came from my 97 year old great granny. She's the only person I know who I can imagine making such suggestions!

OP why don’t you just go and buy yourself the ring you want? Maybe with your DS’s birth stone in it? Maybe with a whole new outfit to make that first day back a bit easier?

You don’t have to label it an ‘eternity ring’, it’s a ring that you love from your son and that you’ll have forever.

You’d have got a much easier time on here if you’d have come on and said you’re a SAHM and your DH is tight with the pennies. Having a job and financial independence never goes down well on AIBU.

Good luck with the return to work

Tell you what I'd do in this situation OP.
I'd buy that eternity ring. I'd buy it as a symbol of the unbreakable love between myself and my child and I'd treasure the fuck out of it every time I looked at it.

Then I'd scale back my efforts to mirror those of my DP.

Bish bosh, buy the bling.

Tiger - oh how fucking boring, sarcastic, superior and totally up your own arse do you sound with your "pray tell us" type comments and 😂😂! Get over yourself.

I used to wear a ring on my wedding finger before I was married too, and constantly got asked whether I'd got married. Yes it is totally the wearer's own business, but people DO ask. That's the only point I'm making. Managed to do it without any rolling eye symbols too.

Well I'm still waiting for my engagement ring. I lost my wedding ring so I've got no hope for an eternity ring. Both the dates you mention when they are given are long gone.

Is it really important to you? If so, you should clearly ask rather than hint. I get the impression, your partner is like my husband. Requires direction. Mostly you end up with what you want, apart from the spontaneous display of love and romance - which is probably the one thing we wanted to begin with.

Get a ring if you want a ring. My dh bought me one after the birth of each dc - not eternity style but just another bit of bling 😂. I wear the one from dd's birth daily instead of my engagement ring. It really doesn't matter if you're not conventional. Start looking online - you'll get more for your money from auctions & some of the antique rings are glorious-much more character.

Pnd is likely making it into a bigger issue for you, but I think you should tell him that you'd really like one & ask him if he'll help you to look for one, then you can gauge his response & check he hasn't planned something.

I say this kindly - your child is only 2 months old. Just relax about this. Perhaps your partner is planning to get you a ring and it's on order? Perhaps he's not (because he's slow on the uptake or a bit of a bell end) - have a frank conversation with him about it. It doesn't have to sound grabby or greedy. I didn't want anything when my first DS was born but when DS2 was born that was our family complete so I asked DH to buy me a Russian ring necklace with his and the two boys names on it. Not grabby, just pointing out what I would like. I would like an eternity ring but the one I would like (which goes with my engagement and wedding rings) is ££ and we couldn't afford it right now so that's on the back burner for another time. Maybe our ten year wedding anniversary - he's got 4 years to save. In any case, if it's a ring you would like it matters not a jot if you're married or not or what it's called, but you do need to discuss this with your partner. Sounds like perhaps he's just being a bit dense. Not ideal but perhaps the PND you mentioned is clouding your judgement as it's not worth getting so upset over.