DDs friend has had hair shaved off!! AIBU to be concerned?

[MrsPeony]

Hi,

A friend of my DD (6yo) has had her hair shaved.... think grade one all over. She’s very fair so looks bald. It was previously beautiful, long and well looked after.
I don’t know her family but they have always looked normal at school pick up.

I asked DD about it and she said “because she had bugs in it, she hates it and was crying in school”.

AIBU to be a bit freaked out, and well, concerned for the little girl? Surely an extreme way of dealing with nits??

20 years ago I lived next door to a woman who shaved her 5 year olds hair off as she said it was impossible to control the nits

If the teachers suspect anything they'll report it themselves. For all anyone on here knows it could well be for medical reasons that the child/parents don't want to be public knowledge.

Oh well, if her family "looked normal" then what are you worried about? In fact, what are you worried about??

Are they Polish? I only ask because two children (in particular, many more got headlice at some point!) in my dd’s class got headlice in year 1 and both families were Polish and shaved their heads. I was friends with one of the mums and she told me that’s what they did when they were children too.

RLABC, it’s clear what I’m worried about - how such an extreme move could upset a young girl. It comes across as very cruel, it looks awful and has upset the child.

English family in a very middle class rural area. Just seems so severe.

How strange, there’s another thread currently active where a poster says her mother shaved her head as a child too. In that case, the mother was abusive and it affected the child for a long time.

Your right this is awful. My parents gave me a short back and sides at that age, it was so upsetting and I was devastated. It's a very extreme reaction bto headlice.

My almost 6yo would be utterly devastated if this was done to her. I think unless the child has chosen it as a hairstyle, it’s definitely abusive. As long as you’re caring properly for your children, there is zero excuse to not be able to manage nits.

Please call the NSPCC and report it. They can advise you.

To be fair I would think exact same as OP if it happened in my DCs class, I think it’s awful and traumatising..... poor girl

Yes, Georgie, I another Armenian heritage, and an Armenian friend of mind told us they shave hair boys/girls, if there are lice.

In the culture it is just hair and will grow back.

There was a family who did this when mine were young. Luckily the children ended up in foster care. Nasty, unkind thing to do.

There's a woman at my ds's school who shaves off just the front of her dd's hair if she gets nits....just the front! Apparently, it isn't classed as abuse because it isn't being done out of cruelty. If you were to report it then ss's might make a phone call or visit to the parents but would only be able to give advice on how to treat nits/lice if that was the reason for shaving her hair off. School also but I would imagine they will now watch her closely. It is cruel to see for an outsider but you don't know if the infestation was so bad that they felt there was no other choice, lice can be a stubborn problem.

This makes me feel sad

A local woman (many years ago) shaved all of her children heads because they had head lice (5 or 6 children), they all looked so sad. There’s no need to shave kids heads to get rid of lice, you could cut the hair a bit shorter to make it easier to treat but it seems mean to shave a girls head just because they have lice.

A family did this when my daughter was in Primary and the girls were crying going into school. There were other issues in the family and I suspect this was just more evidence that was added to the picture. I'm sure the school will raise any concerns they have in this child's case.

My mum shaved my head when I was 4 for this same reason! And also because it kept getting so knotted.

Then again I grew up in a poor country so maybe thing's are different in middle-class suburban England.

My DS just got headlice for the first time. He has waist length hair. I confess that I did eye up our dog clippers for a moment. But I didn't do it as I'm not an abusive twat.

Maybe the girl can’t tollerate the treatments? It’s hardly the end of the world. It’s not something that should be traumatic for a child. If they are downright traumatised by it there are bigger problems.

I’d be worried too OP. Not sure what you should do though. Mention to the school you’re concerned that the child has said she is very upset about it?

Oh, poor little poppet.

I think I would probably speak to the school before calling the NSPCC or anything. They shouldn’t tell you anything confidential, but you could say you’re thinking of reporting it to the NSPCC but wondered if they were aware of ‘A reason’ why I didn’t need to. But it depends on your school I guess.

In one way it seems extreme to report a child having their hair shaved off, in another way it seems neglectful not to be looking out for her. Difficult.

That’s awful poor little girl

It’s not something that should be traumatic for a child

Utter bollocks. A child with long, well kept hair, suddenly having it shaved off against their will...of course it could be traumatic for them.

My 6 year old DS has just got them for the first time, it was discovered when he was getting his hair cut. I briefly thought, should I just get her to take it all off as it's normally really short anyway but the thought of him being completely bald in this freezing weather put me off. His dad would've killed me 😁

One of our local schools sends children home if they have nits and one mum (not English which is relevant as she said it's normal in her culture), shaved her head and her children's heads and sent them straight back in.

Speak to school. Phone Social Services. Better to do something and it's nothing than do nothing and it's something.