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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DDs friend has had hair shaved off!! AIBU to be concerned?

208 replies

MrsPeony · 25/01/2019 21:50

Hi,

A friend of my DD (6yo) has had her hair shaved.... think grade one all over. She’s very fair so looks bald. It was previously beautiful, long and well looked after.
I don’t know her family but they have always looked normal at school pick up.

I asked DD about it and she said “because she had bugs in it, she hates it and was crying in school”.

AIBU to be a bit freaked out, and well, concerned for the little girl? Surely an extreme way of dealing with nits??

OP posts:
WinnieFosterTether · 25/01/2019 23:25

I'd be surprised but I wouldn't automatically be concerned at a haircut. Perhaps she was crying at the memory of the bugs rather than at the haircut. Perhaps there is another medical reason for the haircut but they decided to tell curious friends that it was bugs.

newnameforthis7 · 25/01/2019 23:37

I agree with the posters saying it's an awful thing to do! Skinhead on a little girl. How cruel. Social services though? Hmmmm not sure. You could voice your concerns to the teacher maybe.

My daughter had nits because her hair was long and thick and wavy. We battled nits for ages - she had it 50% of the time between 5 and 7, and I got sick of spending 4-5 HOURS every week going through it with the nitcomb. Why the EFF do they get them?! They don't get them when they're over 11. Just little school.

Anyway, I cut her hair from long to shortish - about 12" off, and she was very happy with it. She had no nits for a YEAR after I did it. Pic 1 is how it was before. Pic 2 - after!

She LOVED it. And it wasn't long before it started to grow...As I said, the nits stayed away for about a year. No need for a skinhead!

Pics from google. Smile

DDs friend has had hair shaved off!! AIBU to be concerned?
DDs friend has had hair shaved off!! AIBU to be concerned?
Alaria44 · 25/01/2019 23:37

Schmoobarb

Erm, in my case (which is what I was referring to) it in fact is a well known mother at the school who does not care nor bother to treat her children so I DO know this thanks.

My DD has only ever returned home from school with headlice and isn't the one to be spreading as she is treated if needed. It's not difficult.

Bit of a strange thing to pick from the whole thread but you do you and all Grin

Whatsnewpussyhat · 25/01/2019 23:43

With the treatments available now there is no need at all for such an extreme solution as shaving a kids head.

I also don't understand the hours and hours spent with nit combs if nits are found. Just go buy some hedrin.

JockTamsonsBairns · 25/01/2019 23:54

Do social services get involved if a boy's head is shaved?

theworldistoosmall · 26/01/2019 00:09

The thing with Hedrin etc is that you still have to comb through the hair. Which depending on the number of people in the house and the hair can take hours.
Only to be repeated a week later because you missed one.
You do an inner cheer to be rid of the fuckers. Only to repeat the process again because not everyone has been treated at school.
Before I moved over to conditioner and combing regularly, I was forking out over £30 some weeks.

Schmoobarb · 26/01/2019 00:10

Ah ok Alaria. No need to be so snarky though. Who pissed on your chips? Still, as you said, you do do. :)

Pigriver · 26/01/2019 00:11

I work in a school nursery and we often have children coming in with shaved heads. One little girl waited till it grew back and then asked for it to be done again to make us laugh!
It is also quite common for girls to have short ‘boy’ hair until they are school age and then they grow it. The families believe that the regular shaving makes the hair thick and healthy. By year 1 the girls hair is down their back and very thick so....

Id say age 6 is a little old as they are a lot more aware but at the end of the day its just hair. Maybe she had it cut and donated it and only started to cry when seeing people’s reactions at school?

Schmoobarb · 26/01/2019 00:13

I think it's sheer laziness to shave a head to try and remove nits.

Yes it is. I’m the laziest bastard ever when it comes to hair (mine has pretty much always been short as I can’t be fucked faffing around with it) but even I wouldn’t do that. I might cut mega long hair (in theory, my kids wouldn’t have it as I don’t like it) to a more manageable length but shaving it is ridiculous.

Rtmhwales · 26/01/2019 00:14

My friend had this done to her by her stepfather when she was ten. She's still traumatized 20 years later. But I don't think it actually classifies as abuse.

Schmoobarb · 26/01/2019 00:15

Bit of a strange thing to pick from the whole thread

Erm, it wasn’t? I’d posted earlier as well Confused

Whatsnewpussyhat · 26/01/2019 00:18

The best hedrin is like runny baby oil that goes on dry hair and drowns the little fuckers instantly. No combing needed. You then leave it to dry and wash hair next day.
Same a week later in case any have hatched.

Worst one was lyclear. Had to put on wet hair then wash after 10 mins. Didn't work at all and the nits didn't even mind the blow dry afterwards!

Frustrating as it's the same couple of kids who have them constantly and the parents do fuck all.

Dieu · 26/01/2019 00:30

I'd have thought this would be raised with social services, as it's abusive.

BoomBoomsCousin · 26/01/2019 00:45

I think it's pretty awful that we have a culture where a shaved head is devastating. The amount of time and effort (and pain) and cultural status that goes into long hair for girls is pretty astounding. In the context of our culture, I can see why a little girl would be devastated by it, but I think it's the culture of expectation around long hair on young girls that's more abusive overall.

Defenbaker · 26/01/2019 01:07

Maybe the little girl is sensitive to various chemicals/perfumes, so the parents thought it would be kinder to shave her hair rather than risk a nasty rash all over her scalp and face? I have allergies and sensitive skin, so would have to consider shaving my head if I caught nits. So, if that is the case, or if the parents have repeatedly tried the lotions but the little girl is still riddled with lice, I can see why they would shave her head, even though it is quite extreme.

Perhaps a pixie haircut would be almost as effective though, while not being as traumatising? That way the parents could easily pass a nit comb through it to remove any headlice as soon as they appear. I have no experience of this problem though, so am curious to know what others think.

Defenbaker · 26/01/2019 01:15

I forgot to add, @BoomBoomsCousin, that's a fair point.

Also, I feel that it's more abusive to fail to treat children with headlice, letting them feel itchy and be ostracised by other kids, than to shave/cut short their hair.

araiwa · 26/01/2019 01:17

Id better let my brother know my parents were abusive to him as they did similar to him. No calls to social services tho Sad

He probably has ptsd or stockholm as he keeps his hair that way to this day

notangelinajolie · 26/01/2019 01:20

I saw this happen a few times to kids at my DC's school. One mum even shaved her own hair off too. It's actually quite sensible if you think about it. Not that I would have ever shaved my kids hair (or mine) off. Not sure I would consider it abuse - I always had very short hair as a child because my mum liked it that way and I don't recall ever being traumatised by it.

PregnantSea · 26/01/2019 01:25

This does sound really extreme to me but then again I don't see why it needs to be your concern to report it?

Surely the school have noticed her shaved head and will intervene if they think they need to?

Frequency · 26/01/2019 01:31

I had a 'page boy cut' when I was young. My mother loves an old wives tale and was adamant it would make my hair grow thicker. I distinctly remember hiding in the corner of my nursery because all the other kids kept calling me a boy. To cut a child's hair against their will can be extremely traumatic. As a hairdresser, if parents ask me to cut their child's hair and the child is crying about it I refuse.

In fact, the page boy cut and the steps I remember taking to look girly afterwards is probably what sparked my obsession with hair.

I would class this as abusive if it's not cultural.

Aventurine · 26/01/2019 01:45

@thenightsky

I had bottom length hair all through my childhood. My mother used to threaten to shave my head and paint with some blue stuff (god knows what) if I ever got 'lousy'

Gentian violet?

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 26/01/2019 01:49

At 7, my DD wanted hers a grade two all over. Her hair is mega thick and she hates it and she doesn't identify as a girl anyway, she feels non binary. She had a lot of stick for it from mostly adults actually, who didn't respect her choice and questioned why id done it.

OkPedro · 26/01/2019 02:05

Gentian violet! aventurine I was talking with a friend about this last week but couldn't think of the name, I knew it had the word violet in it though.
Thank you! Was it an antiseptic? I'm sure my Mam used it when we scrapped our knees or elbows

helacells · 26/01/2019 02:23

Totally normal in many cultures

planespotting · 26/01/2019 02:39
Confused NSPCC? Social Services? For a haircut and you have no idea of the background story Confused I knew an absolutely lovely girl who lost her hair at age 4 and she would appalled at how most people here seem to think long hair is essential for a little girl and that looks awful. She is no longer with us though.

I know of girls shaving their hair to donate to charity too.

Plenty of boys gets this done.

This makes me sad. Threads like this, people thinking like this is why little girls are learning much too soon they have to be "pretty" and "girly"