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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DDs friend has had hair shaved off!! AIBU to be concerned?

208 replies

MrsPeony · 25/01/2019 21:50

Hi,

A friend of my DD (6yo) has had her hair shaved.... think grade one all over. She’s very fair so looks bald. It was previously beautiful, long and well looked after.
I don’t know her family but they have always looked normal at school pick up.

I asked DD about it and she said “because she had bugs in it, she hates it and was crying in school”.

AIBU to be a bit freaked out, and well, concerned for the little girl? Surely an extreme way of dealing with nits??

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 25/01/2019 22:42

I’d find it really traumatic to have my hair lobbed off against my will. Anyone would!

Kitchenstar · 25/01/2019 22:45

I got given short back and sides as a child for having head lice too . It was horrific and to this day old school friends make jokes about it

ShadyLady53 · 25/01/2019 22:46

Of course it's traumatic! Look at how upsetting people of all ages find it to lose their hair. How many films have a woman having her hair shaved off as punishment. How it's been used as a form of degradation for decades for women.

It's completely wrong for them to have done this against a child's will. It definitely needs to be reported and investigated. Poor little girl.

zzzzz · 25/01/2019 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alaria44 · 25/01/2019 22:47

My DD8 has hair all the way down to the very bottom of her back (and she is very tall!) it is also incredibly thick.
She has had nits a handful of times since this school year. I check her everyday to reduce the risk of an infestation and when a nit is found, I wash her hair and comb through. I've sat for hours before doing so (all because of some feckless parent who cannot be bothered to look after their poor children and allow them be riddled with headlice!!)

I would never remove my DDs hair! I just suck it up, comb her hair/apply treatment and get on with it. Sorry, that does sound like an overreaction and terribly cruel. Although I suppose does it make a difference if the child likes the short/shaven hair styles?.... Idka

Cranky17 · 25/01/2019 22:47

That’s awful, a little girl in my class had her head shaved, the other children didn’t recognise her. Really knocked her confidence

MrsJane · 25/01/2019 22:49

My dd who's 6 would be devastated! She loves her hair. I felt like crying when my hairdresser cut off too much of my hair before Christmas!!

It's a cruel and degrading thing to do and I would have concerns.

Thurmanmurman · 25/01/2019 22:53

YANBU. Absolutely unacceptable. Poor little girl.

formerbabe · 25/01/2019 22:53

It’s not something that should be traumatic for a child

Wow...not very empathetic. Who are you to be so dismissive of other people's feelings?

Of course, it would be traumatizing if a child didn't want it done. Why do you think the Nazis shaved prisoners head? Why do you think people are so deeply affected by alopecia or losing their hair during chemotherapy? It's a huge part of our identity...not to mention how much it would set them apart from their peers.

Op...I wouldn't do anything in this particular instance. For all you know, there may be a very valid reason for this that you don't know about. Plus, it's not as if the school won't be aware of this.

ReaganSomerset · 25/01/2019 22:53

I doubt SS would be interested in a haircut tbh. They'd be more interested if the child's head was teeming with lice and it wasn't getting any better. I had lice for about three years when I was younger. My parents tried everything, nothing worked. It was very upsetting for me.

In the end they used a dodgy insecticide thing that's apparently since been banned...

Whyareyouallabunchof · 25/01/2019 22:55

Am I the only one getting itchy reading about all these nits Confused

ReaganSomerset · 25/01/2019 22:59

No, you are not. I've just been considering fetching the nit comb...

Schmoobarb · 25/01/2019 23:03

all because of some feckless parent who cannot be bothered to look after their poor children and allow them be riddled with headlice

That’s a bit much unless you know parents aren’t being arsed to treat their kids. Nits happen. Mine had them for the first time before Christmas and as soon as I found out I treated them and they were gone. Your daughter could just be as easily infesting others when she’s got them.

Parisbun · 25/01/2019 23:05

When my dc were in infant school there was a family whose Dad shaved all of the DCs hair - girls and boys the same. Probably all under 6 . Poor little scraps. He was regarded as a twat and the Mum looked defeated but nobody did or said anything to the family as far as Im aware.
The claim was that the kids all had nits but it was generally thought that he was just a bully.

ShadyLady53 · 25/01/2019 23:08

It's not really a "haircut" though is it? A little girl who previously had long, well cared for hair has been shaved bald and has been crying all day.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 25/01/2019 23:12

Sometimes if nuts keep returning, the best thing to do is to just shave the hair off and start again.

There's also the chance that she's played hair dresser with scissors or got something stuck in the hair which meant this was the only solution.

ReaganSomerset · 25/01/2019 23:13

I had a little boy miserable all day because he'd been given a pudding basin hairdo. Not brilliant, no, but not abusive.

ReaganSomerset · 25/01/2019 23:14

Not my little boy, I should add. I work with children.

thenightsky · 25/01/2019 23:15

I had bottom length hair all through my childhood. My mother used to threaten to shave my head and paint with some blue stuff (god knows what) if I ever got 'lousy'.

Like I could help it. Confused

I lived in fear.

theworldistoosmall · 25/01/2019 23:15

I remember in a moment of desperation I considered this.
I would spend hours going through the kid's hair. Then the holidays rolled around and within days nit free. Only to get them again within days of going back to school.
It was endless. And yes some parents are feckless and cannot be bothered to treat. My dc's would blatantly see the little fuckers crawling around in others hair, sometimes to the point of falling off onto the table.

anitagreen · 25/01/2019 23:16

I think it's sheer laziness to shave a head to try and remove nits. In primary school my friend went to her dads for the weekend in year 5 and he found nits and shaved her head her mum was devastated and of course she was then bullied. Absolute idiots about.

allibebop · 25/01/2019 23:19

You only have your 6 year olds word that she has bugs. She's an upset child and this could be for any number of reasons associated with the loss of her hair. Perhaps there's a reason the family and school feel is private. I'd be ensuring my child didn't speculate

anniehm · 25/01/2019 23:21

Unless there's other abuse social services won't be interested - parents are free to style their kids hair however they choose. It sounds extreme but I must admit I was pulling my hair out trying to get rid of the little critters for years (one parent never treated them despite the school providing lotion!)

minipie · 25/01/2019 23:22

Is it clear the child didn’t want her hair shaved off? My DD is 6 and has fairly long thick wavy (wonderful) hair. She hates it being brushed and washed and occasionally says she wants it all cut off. If she’d had to be de liced a few times I imagine she’d be even keener to get rid of it... she cares much more about comfort than appearance.

So it’s just possible the girl here actually wanted her hair gone?

GabsAlot · 25/01/2019 23:25

how do u know she isnt ill or your dd has got it wrong

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