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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for a holiday for kids that aren't mine

172 replies

BlueSuedeStiletto · 21/01/2019 23:26

Booking a family holiday to a villa.

Me (childfree)
My mum
My sister
My brother in law
My niece (2yo)
My sister's best mate
Her daughter (3yo)
A family friend (childfree)

When we talked about the holiday we said we'd split the costs of the 2 kids. I thought that meant the villa as the kids will be in with the parents and therefore it makes not difference whether they are there or not. I assumed the parents of the 2 kids would pay for the flights as they will have their own seats.

Apparently everyone else thought we were splitting the whole cost ans splitting the kids between the 6 adults. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Obviously I'm not a parent but if I was I'd fully expect to pay for my child on holiday.

To defend myself a bit, my niece is my only sister's only child and I dote on her. I do shift work so I look after her at least once a week. I love her. I'm just not sure I should have to pay for her (and my sister's best mate's daughter) to go on holiday.

AIBU?

OP posts:
elvis86 · 21/01/2019 23:30

Yeah I agree YANBU - splitting the cost of the accomodation is nice and what we do when holidaying with friends with kids, but I'd have expected the parents to pay for their own kids' flights.

namechangedtoday15 · 21/01/2019 23:30

God no. I wouldn't be stumping up for that unless theres so exceptional reason why your sister & her friend cant afford to?

Ucangourownwoo · 21/01/2019 23:31

Tell them to fuck right off, no chance! Their kids, their flights!

CosmicComet · 21/01/2019 23:31

YANBU. I can understand just splitting the cost of the villa between the adults because, like you said, the kids will be in the adults’ rooms so they aren’t costing any extra. But it’s taking the p* to expect you to share the cost of their flights too!

Ok, maybe I could sort of understand you treating your niece. But why should you fork out for a complete stranger? I’m afraid I’d be telling the parents they need to pay for their own flights otherwise you won’t be sharing any costs because you won’t be going.

Talkingfrog · 21/01/2019 23:33

Splitting the cost of accommodation between the adults is fine. Parents should pay for kids flights.

timetoriseandshine · 21/01/2019 23:33

I fully understand splitting the price of the villa as you haven't had to pay more to ensure the children have their own rooms but as for the flights, tell them to pay for their own fucking children's seats! Bloody ridiculous

Pumpkintopf · 21/01/2019 23:33

Yanbu. Splitting the villa fine but they should be paying for flights and for any additional costs eg their fair share of meals out etc.

MediocrePenguin · 21/01/2019 23:34

I think splitting cost of villa sounds normal unless kids have their own rooms but I'm assuming they are sharing with their parents!

I wouldn't be paying for the kids flights though!!

BikeRunSki · 21/01/2019 23:34

I wouldn’t expect anyone to pay towards my children’s flights, and i’d be very grateful for any subsidy towards their space in the villa - I certainly wouldn’t expect either.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 21/01/2019 23:37

Hell no! The parents should defo pay for their own kids flights! They want you to chip in for your niece and also her best mate's child, who is completely unrelated to you? Just say no, YANBU.

elvis86 · 21/01/2019 23:37

Has this become apparent in a way that you can respond and clarify what you meant? Even if it means pretending you've not registered the suggestion that you split the fights too..?

"Yeah of course we'll split the villa between adults, then DSIS and friend only have child A and child B's flights to cover.."

JustTwoMoreSecs · 21/01/2019 23:39

Of course YANBU

Butterymuffin · 21/01/2019 23:42

Correct this quickly before you get any further through the booking process. Say how it's been misunderstood, and that you have your own budgetary restrictions so you have to stick to just sharing the cost of the villa, not flights or anything else, between the adults going. Though you're sure you will be treating them to the odd ice cream here and there.

PBobs · 21/01/2019 23:44

This is hilariously awful. Erm. It doesn't matter if you are or are not a parent. Nobody should be paying for kids' flights except their parents. I agree that if they are in mum's room at the villa it seems harsh to get them to pay for their stay but flights? That's bonkers.

Returnofthesmileybar · 21/01/2019 23:44

Not a hope in hell! Your sister is a cheeky fucker but her friend? She's in a whole cheeky fucker league of her own. I wouldn't pay a single penny towards flights for anyone else but yourself

Iflyaway · 21/01/2019 23:48

It all sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Sorry...

Bellagio40 · 21/01/2019 23:49

YANBU

BlackCatSleeping · 21/01/2019 23:51

Just reiterate that the plan was to split the villa cost among the adults and everyone pay their own flight.

Original poster
BlueSuedeStiletto · 21/01/2019 23:55

An thanks so much, I thought I was being an absolute arsehole and was fully prepared to hear I was being U.

Couple of points for full dsclosure purposes:

It was my mum who suggested splitting. She earns a lot more than any of us and I think she thinks I earn more than I do.

My sister's best mate is part of the family. They've been friends since they were 12. I see her and love her as another sister

OP posts:
Angelicwings · 21/01/2019 23:58

Yes to splitting villa, no to flights. Absolutely no. It wouldn't cross my mind (as a parent) that my kids flights would be split across a group villa holiday. Ever. It's nothing to do with how much you love her so don't feel guilted into it! And your Dsis at a pinch if you're that sort of family (with explicit invitation about flights being split) but why would you split the friends' DD's flight between your family?! That is embarrassing, even if the friend is close you would just not make that assumption - at the most she might assume your Dsis's DD flights had been split by the family (GP's treat/contribution or something) but never her own DD.

Angelicwings · 21/01/2019 23:58

DNiece not DSis

CosmicComet · 21/01/2019 23:59

My sister's best mate is part of the family

She can still f* off if she thinks she’s getting a free holiday out of you. Cheeky cow!

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 21/01/2019 23:59

You're not being in the least unreasonable, but I don't envy you the conversation as you try to explain!

Good luck, and do let us know how it goes (and enjoy your holiday).

Leeds2 · 22/01/2019 00:13

I think I would pull out, and book another holiday. For just myself.

SofiaAmes · 22/01/2019 00:13

Perfectly reasonable for your mum to offer to pay for the kids' flights if she can afford to do so. Not reasonable for you to be expected to pay.

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