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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for a holiday for kids that aren't mine

172 replies

BlueSuedeStiletto · 21/01/2019 23:26

Booking a family holiday to a villa.

Me (childfree)
My mum
My sister
My brother in law
My niece (2yo)
My sister's best mate
Her daughter (3yo)
A family friend (childfree)

When we talked about the holiday we said we'd split the costs of the 2 kids. I thought that meant the villa as the kids will be in with the parents and therefore it makes not difference whether they are there or not. I assumed the parents of the 2 kids would pay for the flights as they will have their own seats.

Apparently everyone else thought we were splitting the whole cost ans splitting the kids between the 6 adults. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Obviously I'm not a parent but if I was I'd fully expect to pay for my child on holiday.

To defend myself a bit, my niece is my only sister's only child and I dote on her. I do shift work so I look after her at least once a week. I love her. I'm just not sure I should have to pay for her (and my sister's best mate's daughter) to go on holiday.

AIBU?

OP posts:
FuckingYuleLog · 22/01/2019 14:05

I’d be pulling out tbh. Imagine the palaver when you eat out and they’ll be expecting you to cover the kids food because they didn’t have much etc.

sweetheart · 22/01/2019 14:19

Will this spill over into food & activities whilst you are away too? Worth bringing it up now to avoid a disagreement on holiday.

I was the only one in my family with children for quite a while - the way we dealt with it was to count each child as half an adult.....so for example if we went out for dinner me, dh 2 dc's, my 2 siblings and my 2 parents the bill would have been split by 7 and me and dh would have paid 3/7th's

OlennasWimple · 22/01/2019 14:23

What TreadSoftly said

I'd happily split the accommodation and food costs between adults only. The extra cost of two small children eating is fairly negligible in a party that size. Stuff that is directly per person, like flights and entrance tickets, should be paid for by the parents.

Stand your ground now, or the whole thing will be a disaster!

cstaff · 22/01/2019 14:27

Jeez no chance - accommodation no problem, that makes sense but flights - you have got to be kidding. If you mum has that much money let her pay and explain to her that you are not as flush as she appears to be. This could turn into a very expensive holiday for a single person.

WorldofTofuness · 22/01/2019 14:33

The extra cost of two small children eating is fairly negligible in a party that size.

One of DD's friends, at 3.5yo, not overwight but would quite happily eat 1 1/2 rounds of cheese toastie for lunch. His mum is a fairly average adult size, but says he eats more than she does.

cakecakecheese · 22/01/2019 14:33

Hell no. Why on earth should you fork out for kids that aren't yours? Just because you don't have children it doesn't automatically make you super well off.

cakecakecheese · 22/01/2019 14:34

What does the family friend who also doesn't have children think?

Butterfly84 · 22/01/2019 14:40

Nope. Do not pay for them.

DarlingNikita · 22/01/2019 14:43

YANBU. Obviously. Who the fuck thinks they should get their kids' flights paid for them? Hmm

NicolaStart · 22/01/2019 14:46

YANBU.

Clarify with your Mum that you assumed accommodation only to be booked on an 'adults only' share, certainly not flights - and not any other costs, either.

Quite outrageous for you to be expected to contribute to the child of your sister's friend. Doubly outrageous that the family friend is expected to contribute to the flights of TWO children to whom she is not related.

Your Mum really needs to re-think this.

Why would anyone do this? They wouldn't!

WhoKnewBeefStew · 22/01/2019 14:48

Splitting the cost of the accommodation to include the kids is fine, especially as it’s a villa, but no way would I be contributing towards flights etc, that’s really taking the piss

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/01/2019 14:51

You need to sort this before you go or its going to be carnage - how do you pay for meals out for example. I don't have human children, all mine have fur and four legs - there is no way on the planet I am paying for anyone elses kids, and I don't think anyone I was going to go on holiday with would expect that anyway.

woollyheart · 22/01/2019 14:53

Agree with other people. Sharing costs of the villa between adults is fine when children are small.

But parents pay for their child's flights.

Best to clear this up or you'll be paying this for every shared holiday in future. If you want to invite and pay for nieces and nephews in future that's up to you, but I wouldn't allow this to become the status quo.

bridgetreilly · 22/01/2019 14:55

Surely everyone just books and pays for their own flights? I can't imagine anyone expecting to have their flight or their child's flight paid for by someone else. If you want to split accommodation, car hire, that kind of thing, that's okay, but flights, meals out etc? No way.

TheShiteRunner · 22/01/2019 14:55

I'm a wimp but I'd feign ignorance. "Yeah we'll split the cost of the villa 6 ways- but obviously pay for our own flights.." Then if she argues that you should contribute, be disbelieving and act dumb- "yeah but not the flights, right? We buy those individually?"

mrsm43s · 22/01/2019 14:57

I think you just need to have a quiet word with your mum and point out that you can't really afford to be paying the kids share of flights and other costs on the holiday.

It doesn't sound like you're a family of CFs, more a close family who want to help each other out, and your DM has just misjudged this particular situation. Most likely she will offer to pay kids costs herself, if she feels strongly about treating them.

Weepingwillow5 · 22/01/2019 15:00

This is a bit like splitting a bill in a restaurant equally between a couple and a family with three kids . It’s just not fair. You have nothing to feel guilty about, but you do need to raise it . Good luck op

1busybee · 22/01/2019 15:01

Do either of the toddlers qualify for free flight - as will sit in parents lap? In which case fine. If not then they should pay for each seat they use. It should not be split by adults. You will be done over

Mayrhofen · 22/01/2019 15:04

This is the thin end of the wedge, will it stop at the flights? will meals out or food costs be shared so that you and the other child free family friend lose out?

Nah, their kids their cost. Of your mum wants to pay for her granddaughter then that's up to her.

Sweetpea55 · 22/01/2019 15:13

I have never heard of anyone doing this before. The ones with the kids must be rubbing their hands together,,
Out of interest,..how much is your share of the cost of the villa...and how much for the added on flights ?

diddl · 22/01/2019 15:14

Even splitting the villa might not be "fair" if for example the ones with kids will be getting bigger rooms/an ensuite.

But to pay towards flights as well-I don't think so!

No need to defend yourself imo!

ZanyMobster · 22/01/2019 15:21

Definitely agree re splitting the villa, I think it would be more odd not to but definitely not the flights. Seem odd that it was even suggested.

sollyfromsurrey · 22/01/2019 15:22

And why is it always the people who say 'no, I don't want to subsidise your meal out/holiday' who are considered tight and rude and not the CFs who demand that others pay for them?

user1466690252 · 22/01/2019 15:25

We are going away as a family for the first time this summer for my parents big anniversary. My parents pay for their room and flights, my child free sister is paying for her room and flight, we pay for our room and flights (dh, me and 2 kids) the holiday was scaled to our budget as we have to pay the most. No way would I expect any different, just means we are off to Spain not Thailand. Everyone involved understands

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 22/01/2019 15:27

Can you book your flights separately now and then ask how much you owe for your "share of the accommodation"?