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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for a holiday for kids that aren't mine

172 replies

BlueSuedeStiletto · 21/01/2019 23:26

Booking a family holiday to a villa.

Me (childfree)
My mum
My sister
My brother in law
My niece (2yo)
My sister's best mate
Her daughter (3yo)
A family friend (childfree)

When we talked about the holiday we said we'd split the costs of the 2 kids. I thought that meant the villa as the kids will be in with the parents and therefore it makes not difference whether they are there or not. I assumed the parents of the 2 kids would pay for the flights as they will have their own seats.

Apparently everyone else thought we were splitting the whole cost ans splitting the kids between the 6 adults. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Obviously I'm not a parent but if I was I'd fully expect to pay for my child on holiday.

To defend myself a bit, my niece is my only sister's only child and I dote on her. I do shift work so I look after her at least once a week. I love her. I'm just not sure I should have to pay for her (and my sister's best mate's daughter) to go on holiday.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MumUnderTheMoon · 23/01/2019 22:33

YANBU why would you pay for someone else's child?

Onecabbage · 23/01/2019 22:38

Five of them (your sister and her family) vs you and your mum? Your ds is pulling your chain

Butterymuffin · 23/01/2019 22:38

Perfectly reasonable! The friend's flight costs haven't doubled, she just had an inaccurate idea of what they should be. Well done OP.

Drum2018 · 23/01/2019 22:49

Send each family a breakdown of their costs and get the money into your account asap if you've paid upfront - even if it means numerous reminders. Whatever about your mother suggesting you split the full cost, it's bare faced cheek of your sister to expect it. Be firm and well done for not giving in.

Fusioluxe · 23/01/2019 23:06

I would take Drums idea further and do a Spreadsheet for costs incurred whilst there. In fact there’s bound to be a “split the bill” app. Get it, use it.

aariah08 · 23/01/2019 23:10

Why on earth would you be expected to fork out for other people’s children?!?
This is beyond cheeky! I would never expect anyone to share the cost for my children!!! I would tell them you posted this, because you were unsure if you were being unreasonable, and then show them the replies!!!

Kemer2018 · 23/01/2019 23:12

Yanbu.
We did a villa holidays when we were childfree. The other party took a child, so they were 3 people so paid 3 flights. We were 2 so paid 2 flights.
The villa and car costs were split equally between 2 parties.
It was fair.
Now we're the ones with the child, I'd expect it to be the same. I won't pay for another child's flight nor expect anyone to pay for mine.

Fusioluxe · 23/01/2019 23:23

Some people think their children are God’s gift and the world should be delighted to treat them to everything.

Some think it takes a village to raise (and pay for) a child.

Some think if you are childless it’s not fair that you have more disposable income than them and it’s your childless tax to pay for the repopulation of the planet.

Some just try it on because they are broke/jealous/nasty.

Chocolate1984 · 23/01/2019 23:38

We always split the villa but pay for our own flights.

Cornishclio · 23/01/2019 23:40

YANBU. If people want to take their kids abroad they have to pay for it. Why on Earth they thought you, family friend and your mum should pay is beyond me. If your mum is unhappy tell her she can pay for the kids.

HeebieJeebies456 · 24/01/2019 00:01

My sister sent a slightly passive aggressive text to group chat. Her mate questioned it as her flight cost has now doubled
What a shame they didn't blink when they knew your costs increased by paying for their dc!

I second getting the money from them asap, otherwise it makes it easier for them to refuse and you're left to put up with it - or be the 'bad' guy who cancels the holiday.
If they give you any shit i'd be clear that i was prepared to do that.
Nothing stopping them being 'adults' and booking it themselves - just the 'small' matter of who's money is being spent upfront.
It's easy to be a cf when it's not your own pocket that's taking the hit.

I'd be ensuring i had adult only activities etc too, i'd be pretty pissed if all my time and money was centered on only child friendly/family stuff or babysitting.
You can bet that the 'pissed off party' will still feel pissed off when there....so stay wise to any games.

NWQM · 24/01/2019 06:59

Did they know that your costs were higher? I mean logically they did but I’m a bit confused by £400 saving being made but some do their costs doubled. Who had done the quote for the package deal and passed on the information? Was that assumed to be split by the adults?

ThanosSavedMe · 24/01/2019 07:06

Good for you for saying something. Hope you’re family see sense and pay up

Holidayshopping · 24/01/2019 07:07

How much are you paying now/before?

What was the passive aggressive text? I actually can’t imagine how they can justify you paying for their share of the flights!

Tell your mum that it’s not for her to decide how you spend your wages!

Have you been on holiday with them all before? I can’t see it ending well.

fruitbrewhaha · 24/01/2019 09:39

How odd. Well you mum can offer to pay for the kids if she wants to.

Bernadetteloves · 24/01/2019 09:44

Make sure your sister and brother-in-law only pay for the one room they are using and the accomodation isn't split per adult. You wouldn't want them paying double what you are for your room.

Original poster
BlueSuedeStiletto · 24/01/2019 10:38

I found the holiday and passed on the information but didn't work it out per person. The text from my sister said "if it was booked as a package we wouldn't even be having this conversation"

Bernadette I do see what you're saying but it's not just the room is it? It's access to all the facilities, kitchen, bbq, table tennis, pool table, swimming pool. Plus they have a massive room with a balcony and en suite. I have a single room.

OP posts:
JingsMahBucket · 24/01/2019 10:43

@Fusioluxe
I would take Drums idea further and do a Spreadsheet for costs incurred whilst there. In fact there’s bound to be a “split the bill” app. Get it, use it.

Yup. @BlueSuedeStiletto there's an app called Splitwise that is perfect for this kind of stuff: www.splitwise.com. My friends and I used it on a recent girls' trip this summer to much success. My OH and I are currently using it to log our moving and wedding expenses for the next few months.

Install it and invite the other adults to your group. They'll be prompted to download the app as well. Add the amounts you have personally paid, then assign an amount owed to each adult. That'll settle everything very quickly! All the adults can then add trip expenses in there like petrol, groceries, etc and who should split the cost of that particular expense.

JingsMahBucket · 24/01/2019 10:45

@BlueSuedeStiletto Plus they have a massive room with a balcony and en suite. I have a single room.

Whoa, yeah, then no way should you be paying the same amount as them. These people... 🙄

Boulty · 24/01/2019 10:50

YANBU parents should pay for their own children

BobLemon · 24/01/2019 11:01

It staggers me that people with this mindset (i.e. Expecting others to subsidise their kids) exist

I shouldn't be that staggered actually. I'm on year 5 of subsiding my DP's kids. I did not realise that was the thin end of a wedge I was peering at the first time he asked me for half the cost of a holiday for 5 people. And at the time I earned around a third of what he did.

But anyway. Bloody well done for not accepting this cheeky feckery!

JingsMahBucket · 24/01/2019 11:19

@BobLemon stop that immediately or ween them off it by summer holidays. That's seriously not on and not fair at all.

LightTripper · 24/01/2019 11:21

If it was booked as a package you'd be paying per person surely? And paying more for a big room with balcony than a single? Maybe offer them that you'll happily swap rooms if they really think you're getting the better deal :)

Ellyess · 24/01/2019 11:26

BobLemon
It staggers me that people with this mindset (i.e. Expecting others to subsidise their kids) exist
I totally agree.

Ellyess · 24/01/2019 11:41

@BlueSuedeStiletto: Plus they have a massive room with a balcony and en suite. I have a single room
That's the final straw for me! I'd throw a tantrum if it were me. Not advocating that you do so, just saying I'd be so pissed off. This is just favouritism for "the family" isn't it? I've seen so many grandparents who fuss over the child who is married with kids and make them the bee's knees while putting the childless offspring at very second-best servant to the one "with a family" as if there is something so clever about having a family! I suspect the Granny is at the bottom of this. Poor BlueSuedeStiletto! Please put your foot down with an almighty NO! make a list of objections - use all the ones here - so you don't get distracted.
I agree with those who say that the childless people are asked to subsidise people with children. I actually think people should be given something in lieu of never taking maternity leave. I have no axe to grind, I have three children, so have been benefitting. But my childless friends all wanted to be mums and it seems even more cruel that they are working away covering for all the absences for maternity leave. Sorry - different subject. But still in line with fact that parents should be responsible for their children and pay for them and not take from those who do not have children. As for the people who are jealous of the childless person's greater disposable income - well - grow up!! I said - my childless friends would give so much to be mums, poor things, but it isn't happening and in one case simply can't. She deserves the bit of compensation of her extra spending money.