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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for a holiday for kids that aren't mine

172 replies

BlueSuedeStiletto · 21/01/2019 23:26

Booking a family holiday to a villa.

Me (childfree)
My mum
My sister
My brother in law
My niece (2yo)
My sister's best mate
Her daughter (3yo)
A family friend (childfree)

When we talked about the holiday we said we'd split the costs of the 2 kids. I thought that meant the villa as the kids will be in with the parents and therefore it makes not difference whether they are there or not. I assumed the parents of the 2 kids would pay for the flights as they will have their own seats.

Apparently everyone else thought we were splitting the whole cost ans splitting the kids between the 6 adults. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Obviously I'm not a parent but if I was I'd fully expect to pay for my child on holiday.

To defend myself a bit, my niece is my only sister's only child and I dote on her. I do shift work so I look after her at least once a week. I love her. I'm just not sure I should have to pay for her (and my sister's best mate's daughter) to go on holiday.

AIBU?

OP posts:
howabout · 22/01/2019 15:31

YANBU

Couple of questions:
How does the childfree family friend feel about it?
Will you be providing baby sitting services for the parents and accommodating child friendly eating and entertainment in your plans or will you and other childfree adults be off doing your own thing?

Think you might need your DM to pay for another holiday for you afterwards. Grin

SumAndSubstance · 22/01/2019 15:34

Yes, we generally go with splitting accommodation between the adults if it's one thing e.g. cottage/villa/lodge. I wouldn't expect to split the cost of the flights though. Is it a package thing with flights included so it's harder to itemise?

lidoshuffle · 22/01/2019 15:34

As PPs have said, what about the childfree family friend? Surely they are not expected to subsidise non-related kids?

Missingstreetlife · 22/01/2019 15:37

Would be fine to pay kids food as well, they won't eat mich, even in a restaurant, but entertainment, entry fees etc?
Think your mum should pay flights if it was her idea, parents should pay extra cots unless people want to chip in, what do other non parents going think?

Drum2018 · 22/01/2019 15:37

Also if it's a thing you are hiring a mini van for everyone's use make sure the kids car seats are paid for by their parents. They can add a fair bit on to the hire cost.

Bernadetteloves · 22/01/2019 15:38

Are you paying for one of the rooms and your sister and brother-in-law in law are paying for another room between them? I ask as you said you were splitting accomodation costs between the 6 adults. If they are paying double (2 adults paying) for a room that 3 of them will be sharing what you are paying for a similar room then it is not so bad as it is them who are subsidizing you on the accommodation front.

If the accomodation costs say £2400 and you are paying £400 for a room and they are paying £800 for a similar room then having to pay say £40 towards their child's £240 flights seems fair enough. You are still the winner compared to if you each paid for the room you were using and your own flights.

We'd need details on room cost and flights costs to work out which option cost you more.

CoffeeCoffeeTea · 22/01/2019 15:47

Bernadetteloves excellent comment.

Missingstreetlife · 22/01/2019 16:02

Depends also if you want the kids there as part of holiday fun, good family relationship. Or you are putting up with them, some parents think their kids enhance everyone's life. Will you all be together 24/7 or can people go off in small groups?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 22/01/2019 16:03

Tell them you’ll split the cost when you have children

If OP has children one day, I doubt the CF will be quite so keen ... after all, the benefit to her would be less Hmm

Also agree with PPs about sorting the ground rules before you go, in case she tries to recoup what she's "lost" with meals, drinks and god knows what else

Pinkbells · 22/01/2019 16:06

Last holiday we had shared with others was a skiing trip where we were sharing a chalet. But we paid for our son (then a toddler). I wouldn't have dreamed of doing otherwise!

DoYouLikeHueyLewisandTheNews · 22/01/2019 16:09

YANBU! We're in a similar situation but other way round, it's us with the kids. Never crossed our minds to expect the others to pay for them.

WaxOnFeckOff · 22/01/2019 16:28

You share the villa costs between the adults, people buy their own flights and eating in the villa I wouldn't charge the kids if they are young unless they only eat cavier and drink unicorn tears. Eating out they chuck in a few quid extra or your DM treats them if she wants.

You all book and pay for your own flights.

sollyfromsurrey · 22/01/2019 18:08

when it comes to accommodation, are they suggesting you split it so each adult pays 1/6th of the total cost? Or are they assuming that the couple are one person as they are sharing a room? That would be even more CFery

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 22/01/2019 20:14

Apparently everyone else thought we were splitting the whole cost ans splitting the kids between the 6 adults.

😂😂😂
Absolutely not. they could get to fuck...
If your mum has such deep pockets let her pay for the kids...genuinely I’d tell her you weren’t prepared to pay for their kids but she could if she felt so passionately about it

JingsMahBucket · 23/01/2019 09:31

@Mayrhofen
This is the thin end of the wedge, will it stop at the flights? will meals out or food costs be shared so that you and the other child free family friend lose out?

^ Excellent point. They may start expecting food and grocery costs to be shared when it’s obviously not a good balance. Ex: meals out with the kids, grocery shop lists that have lots of kids’ food in them, park or event admissions, etc.

I wouldn’t mind buying a boatload of expensive strawberries to share but would not like it if most of them are half-eaten or wasted by children which often happens. (I sound like a miserly wench, but you get my drift.)

Definitely try to nip it in the bud now.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 23/01/2019 10:21

Remember those dc won't always be small.
But you will always be expected to pay if you do now.
Speak up now op!!
Or the resentment will ruin your holiday anyway!!

Angelicwings · 23/01/2019 12:59

Bernadette but that's not the whole story is it - the child (DN) will be in with the two adults, so that's 3 people sharing the £800 (as it were) cost. The friend will be paying £400 which also includes two people (her and her DD). Also as not all villa rooms are the same size, I bet OP will end up with the smallest room as she's the one on her own. So in fact in terms of occupancy, OP and her parents are paying the most NOT DSis and DBro, and not Dfriend and her DD.

Fusioluxe · 23/01/2019 13:17

Definitely state the ground rules about the food and drinks before you go.

The cousin I spoke about earlier always expected to split the bill at mealtimes down the middle... that was either me (1 adult) and her (1adult and 3 kids) so I paid for two and a half people instead of one and she paid for two and half people instead of four... Or it was me and DH, and her, her DH and three kids. Similar numbers, 2 vs 5, but they wanted us to pay 50:50. Why?

The reason was always “the children don’t eat much” or “kids meals are cheaper”.

Grabby and rude. We didn’t ask them to pay half our ivf costs!

The children were also trained to come and ask ME for spending money when we were out, for an icecream or a toy or a ride or a souvenir badge.

Sort all this before you go OP.

NWQM · 23/01/2019 14:42

From experience I’d even be cautious about splitting food costs just between adults. We went away to a cottage with friends and food bill was split in this way despite the other friends having 5 kids between them. The food bill though including things like a large box of cereal - one for each kid as they would all only eat x. The adults shared one box effectively. The spare cereal went home with the kids. And so it went on with drinks etc. It really added up & I was just flabbergasted that the parents thought this okay. Picked my battles e.g asked for nappies to be taken off the total first on ones shop but you’d be amazed at how even close people will either be just outright cheeky or just not think. Either hits your pocket. Would never mind a bit of cost but... funnily enough when we had kids they wanted to talk it through as coats were going up!! Final straw with one group of friends was when a cottage cancelled on us and the only alternative was a bigger cottage. This meant two of us didn’t have to share a room but cottage was much more expensive as we were getting our room they wanted to put the bulk of the costs up for us. I simply couldn’t afford it and so was very unpopular when said so.

JingsMahBucket · 23/01/2019 16:10

@Fusioluxe @NWQM Shock that’s crazy. Why do people think everyone should pay for their kids all the time??

BritInUS1 · 23/01/2019 18:01

No way would I be splitting the cost of flights, just the villa

Notcontent · 23/01/2019 18:05

I think some people lose all common sense when it comes to splitting costs.

BlimeyCalmDown · 23/01/2019 18:14

CF's!!!!!!!!!! (them not you obviously!)

MissKittyBeaudelais · 23/01/2019 18:24

Yanbu. You do not pay toward their flights.

petitdonkey · 23/01/2019 18:24

It's kind enough of you to split the villa cost!! We are going away in the summer with another family - they have two children and we have three. I have suggested that the villa cost is worked out on a pp basis and paid accordingly!!

I'm so conscious that we have more children than some other friends and I always bring it up if we eat out with other families.