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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for a holiday for kids that aren't mine

172 replies

BlueSuedeStiletto · 21/01/2019 23:26

Booking a family holiday to a villa.

Me (childfree)
My mum
My sister
My brother in law
My niece (2yo)
My sister's best mate
Her daughter (3yo)
A family friend (childfree)

When we talked about the holiday we said we'd split the costs of the 2 kids. I thought that meant the villa as the kids will be in with the parents and therefore it makes not difference whether they are there or not. I assumed the parents of the 2 kids would pay for the flights as they will have their own seats.

Apparently everyone else thought we were splitting the whole cost ans splitting the kids between the 6 adults. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Obviously I'm not a parent but if I was I'd fully expect to pay for my child on holiday.

To defend myself a bit, my niece is my only sister's only child and I dote on her. I do shift work so I look after her at least once a week. I love her. I'm just not sure I should have to pay for her (and my sister's best mate's daughter) to go on holiday.

AIBU?

OP posts:
zzzzz · 22/01/2019 00:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/01/2019 00:58

Seriously?? Your kids, your costs - dear god, it isnt that difficult is it! Why should you pay OP?? Tell them to F Off - or at least No - depends on how you wish to phrase it....

Fusioluxe · 22/01/2019 01:14

DH and I went to legoland with my cousin, her three children and husband. Cousin expected us to split the cost of all the tickets right down the middle. Huh? She announced this at the gate. I said no. She sulked for the entire day and said she wouldn't have gone if she’d known we would be mean.

  1. We were childless, not bothered about legoland, but said yes to be nice when she asked us to go as often you need an adult with each child on a ride.
  1. We had to drive 100 miles more than her to get there.

Just say no OP. Tell them you’ll split the cost when you have children.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 22/01/2019 01:31

Hell no YANBU! I’ve never heard of such a strange suggestion.

halfwitpicker · 22/01/2019 01:49

Once again, YANBU.

AcrossthePond55 · 22/01/2019 03:09

Nope. I frequently go to Disney with BFF and her DD. We split the room because the price is 'per room' not 'per occupant'. But she pays for her DD's ticket and expenses.

How do you plan to handle this? If it were me, I'd speak to my mother privately and tell her I wasn't prepared to pay for the additional people.

Passthepigs · 22/01/2019 03:12

Anyone who needs a bed pays in our family, children included. The size of a villa is chosen based on how many people are going to need a bed, therefore everyone needing one pays an equal share.

JingsMahBucket · 22/01/2019 03:22

YANBU. I will never stop being amazed at the boldness of some people.

kateandme · 22/01/2019 03:50

it wouldn't matter how much you earn(unless the others really don't and you offer then to pay) everyone should pay for their own kids!

femfemlicious · 22/01/2019 11:12

Just tell them you hadn't realised that they meant splitting the cost of the flight as well and you thought they meant they meant just the cost of the villa.

Tell them you cannot afford to split the cost of flight as it will leave you short of money. Simples. No one can be offended by that surely.

Birdsgottafly · 22/01/2019 11:22

Be honest with your Mum, you can't afford it.

If she wants to treat them, then that's her business.

One of my Son-in-laws paid the flight for my Granddaughter. I gave them spends. It didn't mean that my DD (his partner) or my youngest DD had to chip in anything.

When you've got no money worries as you age, it's easy to spend other people's money. Forgetting that they aren't in the same position as you. Likewise we love to treat our Grandchildren.

WaxMyBalls · 22/01/2019 11:49

Obviously YANBU.

Splitting the cost of accommodation between adults is fine, particularly if you're all very close and/or the cost difference is minimal. I was in an Air B and B a while ago with a relative who came with one more kid than I did and they were only like an extra £12 a night or something, I really didn't have the strength to start divvying it up. So we just did 50/50 for the sake of argument and I didn't mind losing £6.13 or whatever. If the difference was substantial then it would be understandable to do it per head instead. I'd say the accommodation is a situation where either could be reasonable. The flights though, no chance!

WorldofTofuness · 22/01/2019 11:50

Your DM is out of line. You could be Dolly Parton with her millions, and it still wouldn't be up to your mother to decide how your money gets spent.

Seniorcitizen1 · 22/01/2019 11:54

For me going on holiday with other members of family - parents siblings etc - would fill me with dread such that I have never done it as an adult. To be expected to pay costs for others is s big fat no

IsItThatTimeAgain · 22/01/2019 11:56

They're taking the piss.

Di11y · 22/01/2019 13:11

is this because they wouldn't be able to afford to go otherwise?

HomeMadeMadness · 22/01/2019 13:16

YANBU I would definitely expect to pay for my own child!

SaltedIceCream · 22/01/2019 13:26

I would pay if money wasn’t an issue for me. If money was tight or the mums of the kids earned a lot more then me then I wouldn’t. It would really depend on my relationship with there parents.

But I don’t think you should have to.

Orangecake123 · 22/01/2019 13:46

Vila- okay but no way would I pay for flights!

Drum2018 · 22/01/2019 13:48

No, just say it once that the agreement was to split the villa cost between the adults but you are not paying for any other costs relating to the kids. What a cheek to even suggest it.

madmum5811 · 22/01/2019 13:50

Your mum can pay for her grandchildren perhaps.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 22/01/2019 13:56

Start as you mean to go on:

I expected to share the cost of the villa [with or without separate rooms for the kids]
I expected to split the cost of catering between the adults and not to quibble over restaurant bills for two toddlers if we eat out.
That said, I reserve my position on catering if anyone wants to exist mostly on restaurant food/takeaways/caviar for two weeks.
I expect adults to take a reasonable position and contribute a proportionate monetary share of booze that they consume.
I expect to cover my own costs of entry to any ticketed location or activity.
I did not expect to split the costs for kids flights.
I did /did not not expect to split the car hire costs between adults only.

Judging by the pre/post group holiday chats that are on MN closer to the summer you'll save yourself a lot of headache now by checking that everyone is on the same page. There's always one fucker who can't bear to drink anything less than £40 a bottle on the basis that you can really taste the difference..... not after 4 of them you can't.

JustanotherCHRISTMASuser01 · 22/01/2019 13:58

exactly how much will it add into your holiday price?
I know you shouldn't have to pay but me personally I probably would end up doing just for an easy life.

Perch · 22/01/2019 13:59

Everybody pays for their own flights
Villa costs is split per bedrooms used per family.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 22/01/2019 14:04

It would become the norm. The dc may become 2 dc, and you will be assumed to be paying for them....
Fuck that.

Offer a holdall and they can shove it in the luggage hold.
Cfuckery at its best.