To be really angry and upset to be labelled racist?

[motherlondon]

We are currently on holiday in Asia, the latest place we are staying is a very nice all
Inclusive small resort.

Not cheap, to put in perspective this place cost as much for 3 nights as last place cost for 12 nights, but wanted to end holiday on a lovely high note.

Me and two kids (6 and8). It was a 90 minute boat transfer to get here. We drove for four hours, waited at port for three hours as boat left 90 minutes later than we were told.

I think they bunched two boat departures together. The boat had a small enclosed cabin and one of my kids sat inside, but when we went to go in, realised that there was hardly any room and said we would sit outside, with another family of four (adult kids). The crew told us we would get wet but we said we would sit out anyway.

We got absolutely pounded, just destroyed by water, I lost an earring, my ear is full of water etc.

When we arrived it was all, garlands and welcome drinks, I asked for a towel and said to manager that it was ridiculous and dangerous.

That night at dinner manager asked if I was 'feeling better' and I said again that it wasn't a case of feeling better, but a case of the trip not being appropriate.

Anyway, we got on with our holiday, had an absolutely beautiful day today, and went to pay for some tat that kids got at gift shop. On desk is a report on guests - mr and Mrs so and so, enjoyed snorkelling and food but said service slow etc.

Mine was that I was angry when I arrived, chose to sit outside boat with other WHITE (their use of capitals) family and that although I had toned down by dinner, the manager believes I have a problem with ASIANS.

I am mortified. I have lived and worked all over the world and the very very last thing you could label me is racist.

I feel embarrassed that we have been getting served at dinner, helped in the water etc by staff who've been briefed that I don't like Asians, and also that if I saw the report, what other guests did?

I am sickened and it has seriously upset me, before dinner I was planning when we could come back for longer and now I just want to get out of here.

I have emailed the manager, but am I being unreasonable? To be pissed off about the dangerous boat ride, and then to be embarrassed and sad that I have been labelled a racist?

What should I do?

This is bloody awful. Who can you get hold of face to face quickly?

ETA. I took photos of said report while they were wrapping the souvenirs, as I was sort of in shock and thought that I will reread and it won't be as bad, but it is.

You don't sound racist but you did moan about something that you were warned about and decided to ignore 🙄

Thanks Thehop, there's no one - it is a 40 guest resort, manager is on day off and when I asked staff what the report was they said it was for her 2IC.

They did say don't sit outside, you'll get wet and you chose to anyway then complained about it

I know Sausagees. We were told we would get splashed not that we would get pounded so hard by water it hurt.

And what else to do, sit on each other's laps as no space left in cabin.

In Asia racism doesn’t often have the same connotations as the UK. They probably put this in the report so tour operators could sit you with other white people in your next tour.

Next time remember the impact of your actions on other people. Especially in a foreign country.

Why not move inside when it got worse. I honestly can’t imagine continuing to sit in rain so heavy that your earring came out

They probably can’t believe it either, so are looking for other reasons such as being a racist.

Have a talk with the manager when he’s back.

It wasn't rain - it was waves.

We couldn't move inside because it was full.

We are not on a tour.

Ha, ok I've been white. Maybe I'm getting d and whiter.

I'm more intrigued by a 'report' on guests which is left somewhere which is visible to said guests on the front desk...?

Parthenope - that's what shitted me big time too!!

Next time remember the impact of your actions on other people

Good Lord! The MN head girls are out in force on this one.

This is a horrible thing to happen OP. I would be livid. The boat trip sounds bad although you were warned. Nobody warned you that expressing discontent at something would mean you were an out and out racist. Or that MN would think you brought this on yourself

Oh dear, I expect they are trying to cover themselves in case you complain? I wouldn't worry too much about it.

Oh I see, waves. I’d have still gone inside because your complaints would have been heard then, by the boat people and other people too. As it was they just saw a group of people choosing to get a hammering from the water and probably can’t figure out why.

Are you friendly with any of the other boat people ie are they also at the resort? They might be able to back up that you complained about space not race!

but when we went to go in, realised that there was hardly any room and said we would sit outside, with another family of four (adult kids). The crew told us we would get wet but we said we would sit out anyway

Hardly any room is different from no room.
They told you that you would get wet and you presumed that meant splashed. I’m not sure why you then went on to complain about it?

I cannot understand your logic - it was crowded in the internal cabin, you were warned by the staff, who know the route, that to sit outside was a bad idea and you chose to sit outside and subject yourself and your children to hideous conditions rather than put up with the far lesser discomfort of a crowded internal cabin. I can understand why they think you are racist and don't like Asians even if you can't.

Cherries101, what impact did my actions have on others?

Oh and thanks for the cultural advice. I've lived in my birth country for 4 years in last 25, my kids were born overseas, their father was a different race to me, and my current partner is Asian ( though not here unfortunately) lmao

The manager is not Asian.

I would be pissed off at being labelled a racist though. Have you spoken to them and told them you have seen the document?

I think the two things need to be separated here tbh. You chose to sit outside due to it being too cramped in the cabin, not unreasonable at all imo. Had you said you didn’t want to sit inside because you didn’t want to sit with the Asian passengers then yes that’s unreasonable and racist but that’s not what happened and I think your owed an apology. As far as getting wet goes you were warned but sounds like maybe something was lost in translation? It does sound like the hotel could have managed the transport better though.

Labelling people as racist is too easily done these days and for the most inappropriate reasons. I was accused of racism recently for saying I was looking forward to watching Gone with the Wind on TV at Christmas!

Fucking hell. Passive aggressive hotel! How odd to do that. YANBU

Get over it. Seriously, how is this going to impact you? I am sure people working for a shit wage serving at a hotel resort in "Asia" (that familiar country) probably get a lot of racism from wealthy white people often so associated your behaviour with it. I believe that is not your intention, but I would put yourself in their shoes and realise they probably get it a lot.

Just move past it, I really don't see what you want from this.

Horrible hotel and very unprofessional - I'd be livid too. No need for what they put in their report at all.

It sounded dangerous to be sat outside tbh. All guests should have had space inside? That would be my main focus.

Then I’d ask to see any reports on you. And challenge the racism remark.