To be really angry and upset to be labelled racist?

[motherlondon]

We are currently on holiday in Asia, the latest place we are staying is a very nice all
Inclusive small resort.

Not cheap, to put in perspective this place cost as much for 3 nights as last place cost for 12 nights, but wanted to end holiday on a lovely high note.

Me and two kids (6 and8). It was a 90 minute boat transfer to get here. We drove for four hours, waited at port for three hours as boat left 90 minutes later than we were told.

I think they bunched two boat departures together. The boat had a small enclosed cabin and one of my kids sat inside, but when we went to go in, realised that there was hardly any room and said we would sit outside, with another family of four (adult kids). The crew told us we would get wet but we said we would sit out anyway.

We got absolutely pounded, just destroyed by water, I lost an earring, my ear is full of water etc.

When we arrived it was all, garlands and welcome drinks, I asked for a towel and said to manager that it was ridiculous and dangerous.

That night at dinner manager asked if I was 'feeling better' and I said again that it wasn't a case of feeling better, but a case of the trip not being appropriate.

Anyway, we got on with our holiday, had an absolutely beautiful day today, and went to pay for some tat that kids got at gift shop. On desk is a report on guests - mr and Mrs so and so, enjoyed snorkelling and food but said service slow etc.

Mine was that I was angry when I arrived, chose to sit outside boat with other WHITE (their use of capitals) family and that although I had toned down by dinner, the manager believes I have a problem with ASIANS.

I am mortified. I have lived and worked all over the world and the very very last thing you could label me is racist.

I feel embarrassed that we have been getting served at dinner, helped in the water etc by staff who've been briefed that I don't like Asians, and also that if I saw the report, what other guests did?

I am sickened and it has seriously upset me, before dinner I was planning when we could come back for longer and now I just want to get out of here.

I have emailed the manager, but am I being unreasonable? To be pissed off about the dangerous boat ride, and then to be embarrassed and sad that I have been labelled a racist?

What should I do?

Ringdonna there was no room inside. What was she supposed to do?

I’m struggling to see how this is her fault.

That's not what I meant, so don't put words in my mouth.

She needed to go with the flow on the boat. So, she got splashed, A lot. Even if they were huge waves and she and her whole family were drenched , big deal. You can dry off it's only water. She should have had fun with it and laughed about it, not complained. And, if she did lose an earring, then so what? When you're traveling abroad you should always wear your fakes, just in case things like this happen. Much ado about nothing.

Also, if I were called a racist (and I never have been) I would not let it get to me, because I know in my heart I'm not. The lady, doth protest too much.

Complaining to the person who compiled the report is going to achieve nowt. Is there a parent company or head office to lodge your concerns to?

OP don’t laugh off the dangerous position you were put in on the crossing and don’t ignore the insulting note. Put a complaint in and give a bad review online based on this experience. I’d be tempted to talk to the other family who also sat outside as it’s quite possible they’ve been labelled the same way.

I think it’s possible they don’t think you’re racist but realise they’ve cocked up and are trying to cover themselves.

Whilst it wouldn't fill me with joy to be thought racist, neither would it send me into a frothing rage. I certainly wouldn't be wasting my precious holiday time focussing on it. At the very most I'd comment to the manager that 1) it's really bad form to have this sort of thing left lying around and 2) what was written about me was quite upsetting to read, but honestly, I probably wouldn't even do that. You're confident your actions and behaviour were in no way motivated by racism, there will be zero repercussions for you from the staff thinking otherwise, why make this into a huge deal?

Blimey OP, yanbu.

Bad enough that the boat was overcrowded. But... They left an inaccurate and dismissive report like that out about you on display?

What are you going to do?

That's not what I meant, so don't put words in my mouth.

I haven't put word in your mouth, that is what your words implied. Perhaps you should have been clearer that, despite your post being about racism , that isn't what you meant.

Also, if I were called a racist (and I never have been) I would not let it get to me, because I know in my heart I'm not. The lady, doth protest too much.

I've never been called a racist but too bloody right I'd be passed off if it was written down about me and that was somewhere that others could see. Bollocks about "protesting too much".

I'm absolutely stunned that the hotel is writing reports on guests and apparently keeping tabs on what you're doing on a day to day basis 'only went to pool today' etc. Really odd. I'd be pretty pissed off with the whole experience.

You're basically calling the OP racist by claiming she is protesting too much

Well if you are white you are entitled to react like a white person would (whatever that means) lol.

Hahahaha! This is hilarious I love it. Where is this hotel, Thailand? Malaysia? Vietnam? Sri Lanka? Give us a clue.

The report is hilarious imo.

Okay, the cabin was crowded, but I'm trying to picture a cabin so crowded I wouldn't squeeze in, if the alternative was sitting outside on a boat getting pounded in the ear with waves :s The staff probably thought it was so odd you stayed outside for the whole boat ride. Have you never been on the tube at rush hour? I can see why they'd think you didn't want to be near the locals. I think you're taking it way too seriously.

SoupDragon,
You are just too funny.

I’m going with YABU. I can see reading the report must have been upsetting but you shouldn’t be angry. Instead of getting fired up and irate about this I would focus on putting the record straight. I’d suggest you write a short note to the manager saying you’ve seen this report and that you’re mortified that your actions came across as racist and that with such limited room inside you weren’t sure what to do and had thought you were being polite not to try to squeeze in.

And then reflect in future that maybe people from other cultures are more ready to squeeze in than British/white people.

Esssentially, you need to focus on the fact your actions could be and were interpreted as racist and make amends rather than being cross because you’re not a racist honest. Everyone carries cultural baggage. Being married to an Asian doesn’t make you immune.

And then reflect in future that maybe people from other cultures are more ready to squeeze in than British/white people.

Have you seen the central line on a Monday morning

Let’s not take away from the fact it was a poor service boat ride and had they had their shit together this would never have happened.

Although as I said at the start, I’d not have gone outside. I’d probably have climbed in to the luggage rack and god knows what my report would have said!

MN continues to baffle me on a daily basis. How anyone can say you are BU and clearly racist is beyond me.

You were not unreasonable OP. They should have sorted proper, safe transportation. Whether or not you were warned, the fact is that they over crowed the boat more than the maximum capacity advised by the signage and it was unsafe to travel as a result. So no, it isn't unreasonable to complain in those circumstances.

To then write notes about you jumping to how you must of course be racists is absolutely awful. It is a strong word with strong meanings in this day and age and I'd be furious to be labelled as such!

Did they even have enough life jackets for eight extra people? It sounds very dangerous if the waves were hitting you so hard they hurt and ripped out an earring! I'd have been worried about losing a child overboard tbh. What a shambles. Leave them an honest review on trip advisor.

Has the report been posted? I can't see it :(

It's unfair that they labelled you as having an issue with Asians. I'd have just noted that the customer may have PITA tendencies.

Gosh , no, YADNBU. A ridiculous, Orwellian thing for a hotel to do. What next? speculating that guest are homophobic, or transphobic and circulating that amongst staff? Completely out of order.

You don’t expect to squeeze in like sardines, or passengers on a tube train when you’re on your way to a luxury hotel. You expect comfort, that isn’t unreasonable. If someone told me I’d get wet sitting outside I’d assume splashed a little, bit to the extent of being drenched through and losing an earring. I think it was perfectly reasonable (and certainly not racist!) to comment on this to the manager upon arrival.

I forgot about the signage. So more than likely an arse covering exercise.

Baffled at many responses here.

I don't see how YABU here. Getting a bit wet - meh.
Getting smacked around by waves is dangerous. No provision for all travelling. It really does sound like they are getting in their defence before you point out their poor service.

I'd not be happy at all about being accused of disliking another race, no matter how it's typed out - it's a serious label. Not very professional behaviour from a high-end resort.

Why have they got those reports on all the guests

That's creepy and weird.

No the inside was full. I presume you'd have sat outside no matter what the race of the other guests was.

If I found that report about me I would be properly annoyed and slightly weirded out by the spying.